[TinaL]

Well, I have been in therapy since May. I thought all was going well, but I really can't deny my feelings about a few things. Things I have shared with my T last session.

1. It sounds like he is still scooting me out the door, and he admitted it.
2. The fact that I told him this last session and he really didn't have much to say. Except he does not want me to be dependent on therapy.
3. The new pdoc is leaving at the end of the month. They have a replacement, but I am not sure how long that will last.
4. All my goals are almost met.

I cancelled my next friday appt. I have not seen T in over a week. So it would been 2 weeks before next session.
I don't do this well... but, he said I have made such progress. I haven't cut, or hurt myself or did anything destructive which tells T that I am getting better.
So, I am going to see the pdoc once more... and get my meds from my family doc. I mean if I am all better then why waste T's time.

I tried to be a "good" client and it got me no where. But out the effing door!
I feel like being a disrespectful jerk! I feel like running away and I don't care if I have not hurt myself in sometime. It does not change history...
I am a mess...

My son is still in prison and have not been able to visit due to lock-downs. I am having family issues that have me tired. I have not ridden my bike in 2 days!
I am lost, but better to be lost than to be abandoned.
Yes, I have been reminded by T that I am a person with BPD
Thanks for listening....

[stopdog]

Could you try to find a new t who was not trying to rush you through therapy? I really don't think any client wastes the t's time. They get paid. One might be wasting one's own time, but not that of the the t. Good luck to you.

[TinaL]

I have thought about it, but I am really not sure. I would have to travel and being that I don't do that well, it does not seem doable.

I'm sorry, TinaL, that your T is pushing you out the door. Being in therapy for five months is not a long time, especially for someone who is struggling with BPD issues. I can say that because I too struggle with those issues. It sounds to me as though your T is equating the decrease of symptoms (ie cutting or engaging in other "destructive" behaviors) as a reason to say that you're "cured" and no longer in need of therapy. Therapists who truly understand BPD know that those issues are only the surface issues. It takes a lot longer to get to the core issues and you mentioned one of the most critical ones: abandonment. Please think about looking for someone who really understands and works with people who struggle with BPD. They are out there! Take care.

[Liam Grey]

It seems you are going through a lot, right now, and you sure need this kind of support. How on earth your T could encourage you to leave therapy goes beyond my comprehension...

Hope you'll find a T who truly understands your problems.

[PTSDlovemycats]

I'm so sorry that it didn't work out with your T.

[TinaL]

It has been a few rough days. All this thinking, but I slept well and I got up and did 6 miles on my bike. It felt good and I feel like it is time for me to move on. It may be difficult to find another therapist- but I will try and do my best. When I see the pdoc I will ask him if he has any references. But that will be my last visit with him because he is leaving the clinic. It's not impossible. I just have to have the strength to continue.