What's the process?

Forever the over analyist - I have been trying to work out the whole T thing since I started going.

So is the process:

1. Feeling comfortable with T and building trust
2. Learning to deal with feelings (i.e. strategies to deal with the overwhelming sutff)

AND THEN

3. Looking at the difficult things that are likely to trigger an emotional response?

I ask because sometimes I pluck up courage to go for it and get it all out and T is like "Whoa slow down" - not literally, but T does seem to only let me go so far in the sessions.

It takes time and you don't want to rush it and miss something

For me it is having my T there when I am overwhelmed. And learning that talking really does help when I'm lost in that deep dark cave, then looking back on it together when I do emerge and learning as much about it and me as possible. And thinking together about other times/relationships/place where similar kinds of things happen - making associations.

It is also the relationship with her and the ups and downs we have, and that we get through. That helps me with other relationships too.

I don't think those are the main 3 things I do or in that order--everyone has different stuff they need to do in therapy. We do a lot of things that are part of our process and they are all kind of all mixed together. It isn't linear.

I can't say my T has really set out to help me deal with overwhelming stuff, as in here, use these skills. Sometimes T's "strategy" for dealing with emotional stuff is "just feel it!" He says I can do that in his office to make it safer for me and he can help contain. I think he's pretty big on the idea of therapist providing containment. It's kind of like boosting the ego strength of the client by his Presence (with a capital P), so the client can feel the hard stuff and survive. Or sometimes we just talk about those overwhelming things, or try to, and talking about them helps them be less overwhelming (perhaps that's kind of like exposure therapy?). Part of my problem is avoidance--if there are intense and overwhelming things, I just avoid them. So T helps me not avoid them by working on them with me. But he also doesn't push to go too fast. He is very respectful if I back off of a topic if it becomes too much. I appreciate that. If I feel he is backing off too much, I tell him I need more help not avoiding and that it is OK if he doesn't back off. He likes to hear that as it helps him provide therapy that is what I can handle and is helpful.

SoupDragon, do you feel you are ready for "more" and your T is stopping you from going too far? Do you think your T could benefit from reassurance that you are able to go faster, further? (If you think you are ready?)

I think that sounds good SD. Do you want to talk to him about the slowing down stuff so that you can understand what he is talking about better?

Thanks for this - I do get overwhelmed quite quickly sometimes and then struggle for a couple of days after the sessions - T has before said he can sense my fragility (have been plagued by unpleasant thoughts) - so maybe that is why T wants me to go at a slow pace. But sometimes I feel much more positive, more energised and I want to grab those moments and push forward. And at these times an hour a week just doesn't seem sufficient, I am up for talking about stuff then the hour is over and I have to contain it for a whole week.

Yes my T encourages me to feel stuff - to be interested in it and not try to escape those feelings, but because I do get overwhelmed and struggle to deal with those times, T has been getting me to practice some things, like going to an imaginary safe place, breathing, moving, grounding stuff.

Yes I see now how it is not linear - I think I want there to be a degree of predictability about the process - so I know how far I have gone and how far I need to go, how long this is going to take - but maybe it is just not like that.

Yes I guess that would be a good thing to do, to ask T why when I want to race off, he slows me down - I sometimes forget he of course has lots of answers - if only I could get brave enough to ask - I will try to do this - thankyou.

This ^ seems like you have the answers to why he is slowing you down? (Still talk to him about it though?)

The process is "being educated"; getting from first grade through high school. Did you realize what was going on at the time? No, you just were in that grade, learning what you had to learn, some of it stuck and some was forgotten, it all just accrued on you like barnacles and when you graduated you could look back and see it more as a whole, how arithmetic turned into calculus, but darned if you could explain it!