So my T tells me today she is going on vacation for a week ... Which is ok but then I immediately have to go out of town for 15 more days after that... So no T for like 22 days. I asked if I could call her , although she is not opposed it may be logistically impossible for the first 10 days or so. T is also not a hugger and it's not a me thing... Because I asked. But as I was leaving today I wanted to hug her and I could feel the tears welling up and I quickly left. When I got in my car it dawned on me that I am going to miss T, like a child would miss her mom. I emailed her about this and she said it was transference. I asked her to call me and she said she will try tomorrow. So my question is, how is this going to help me get better? I have yet to break down in session as I am very guarded. But this changes the game. My mother never hugged me , actually no one did very often and now I have a mommy feeling toward my not hugging T? Seriously how will this help heal me, if I I roll with this transference thing and allow myself to grow closer to T I am only setting myself up fo sadness . Is this how it works? What about when therapy is over it will devastate me.

[unaluna]

the old saying, 'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. No? P.s. LOVE your name, makes me wanna dance!

[wheeler]

Sorry I don't have an answer for you Lola, sometimes it feels like it's black magic, but I haven't found a better alternative.

I hate that I even started this process I feel like all I did was begin to unravel what I had worked so hard to tightly wrap up. I feel so depressed , T said this had to happen but it makes no sense to me and all I feel is pain.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

So my question is, how is this going to help me get better?

Transference is a super power!

You can now say to T all those things you could never say to your mother.

I transfered to my therapist all the hate I had been saving for my mother - and all the love. The hate is gone now (cross fingers!) but the love remains.

[ECHOES]

Forget the label, which I think serves no purpose.

You care about your T and about your relationship with her. That's important to your therapy. Caring means it's natural to miss someone who is important in your life, who you are used to seeing on a regular basis. It makes perfect sense that having that routine disrupted would stir up such feelings. Breaks can be hard!

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

I hate that I even started this process I feel like all I did was begin to unravel what I had worked so hard to tightly wrap up. I feel so depressed , T said this had to happen but it makes no sense to me and all I feel is pain.

I wish that I could say something to help you, but I feel just like you do. I don't understand how this transference thing can help, but I keep going despite it all. Trusting the process? That is what I am told to do. Just 'trust the process'.

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Transference is a super power!

You can now say to T all those things you could never say to your mother.

I transfered to my therapist all the hate I had been saving for my mother - and all the love. The hate is gone now (cross fingers!) but the love remains.

Wow I've had strong feelings for my T. but everytime I tried to talk about them....I felt shut down by my T. reactions. I can not imageine being able to say all those things I could never say to my father to my T. I'm so happy for all of you who can feel that safe with your T.

[Wysteria]

Hi Lola Cabanna,

Yes, your name does make me want to go and find some old Barry Manilow album or something strange..ugh. lol I agree with Echoes to not worry so much about the label. It kind of freaked me for a while too. I think it's better to focus like she said on the fact that you are connecting to your T and want to be around her and share your life with her. In the end, this will help you learn how to open up and share with others that are important in your life. It took me a long time to trust my T and had done all kinds of things in my mind to keep him at bay. Don't know exactly what brought him inside my walls, and yes with the joy of connection comes some pain of vulnerability. There is always a balance and a light to every dark as he tells me. I'm learning to adjust and allow him closer so that he can share my pain and light those areas of darkness and fear in me that keep me from growing like I should. Yes, I miss him when I'm gone or he is, or now that I don't see him quite as often, but I'm also more comfortable because I know in my heart that he is there.

I wish you only the best in you journey of healing and discovery!

Safe hugs,
Wysteria Blue

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Readytostop

Wow I've had strong feelings for my T. but everytime I tried to talk about them....I felt shut down by my T. reactions. I can not imageine being able to say all those things I could never say to my father to my T.

Wow, i'm sorry, ready. this sheds some light on why you wrote in the other thread, how do you know your T heard you're leaving? I don't know if this is a bad match between the two of you, or if your T has his own unresolved daddy issues or what. but you are definitely describing hitting some sort of wall here.