[rainbow8]

I'm not depressed though this poem may sound that way. I'm glad to be where I am right now in therapy, and wanted to share this. I feel like I'm getting somewhere and this poem is more realistic than one I wrote about a year ago, called The Blanket of Love, that was about my getting love from my T.

Wanting Mommy

Wanting Mommy to be there
To hold me all the time
To wipe away the tears
Wanting that all these years

Wanting to curl up in Mommy’s lap
With the blanket of love upon me
Keeping me warm and safe
From danger that surrounds me

It seemed I could have that
The attention and the love
All I have to do is pay
Therapy fits me like a glove

Someone to be there
Almost teasing me at times
Listening to me with compassion
Reading my stories and rhymes

Wanting them to be Mommy
Who will hold me in her arms
And will tell me not to worry
No one will do me any harm

The compulsive, obsessive pattern
Wanting love to never end
Instead, feeling pain and hurt
Because they’re neither mother nor friend

The baby feels alone
In a dark and dreary place
Where’s her blanket of love?
Who is caressing her tiny face?

She wants to reach out
She cries but no one hears
She’s afraid she’s invisible
Where is Mommy to calm her fears?

Those baby feelings are very strong
But the adult just can’t let go
She’s afraid to break down and cry
And let her feelings show

[rainbow8]

I thought I'd add The Blanket of Love too. I feel like sharing tonight.

BLANKET OF LOVE

When you hold my hand
It feels like the blanket of love again
That simple touch can heal a lifetime of hurts
Hurts that come from somewhere
Though I don’t know where

When you hold my hand
I feel safe
Like no one can hurt me
If I could only hold your hand forever
I would be all right

The blanket of love feels soft
It feels like you are tucking me into bed
Kissing me, and wishing me happy dreams
I feel protected and content

When you hold my hand
I know I’m not alone
You know the worst things about me
But you are still here
Giving to me without questioning

The blanket of love is warm
It is better than a cup of hot tea
It fills me up and says “aah”
So that’s what love feels like

The blanket of love feels secure
No worries about this or that
It comforts me in the dark
It says “I love you” as you are

Holding my hand is the link
It allows me to feel the blanket
It provides the fuel
For the blanket to exist

The blanket is above me
I can feel it if I try very hard
I can close my eyes and see it
Slowly the softness floats down

The blanket of love is mine forever
It’s here for me whenever I want it
It’s always within reach
I just have to look for it

[granite1]

beautiful

[rainbow8]

Do I need a trigger warning for my poems?

Thanks granite, lola, Anne.

Are these poems triggering or what? I feel kinda bad not getting responses. Gotta deal with that, huh? Makes me feel like why did I share myself?

I've got to talk about this in therapy. It's like my T not answering me the way I want.
Yeah, it's my stuff. It's just that I thought people could relate to the poems.

[purple_fins]

I think your poems are lovely Rainbow.

sometimes it takes a while for people to post... and well, I don't mean anything against anyone-- but -- for some reason the negative posts seem to get more responses.... I s'pose there must be many reasons for this but I'm not so sure what they are.........

Please, I hope you won't feel bad for sharing such wonderful feelings

peace to you

fins

Thank you for sharing - these are beautiful. You express yourself so well. Thank you, Rainbow.

[rainbow8]

fins, thank you. I agree with you that the negative posts always get more responses. Maybe because then we can offer suggestions; all there is to say about a happy post is "hurray, good for you" whereas someone hurting makes us want to help, send hugs, etc.

Bunny: thank you. I know I'm experiencing transference because my Mom used to praise my writing and I miss that. I've got to learn that I don't need external praise. It's nice, though. I've told you how much I love the cuddly bunny picture, haven't I?

i think you are a very strong person to share your poetry,

it took me untill just last week to finnaly share with somone that i wrote.
im so scared for someone to judge that very sensitive part of my self.
i dont generaly even let people know it it there.

i am glad you opened up to so many people
... you give me strength just to show this

[rainbow8]

vickie: thanks for reading my poem and replying. It took me many years to learn to be so open. I'm glad you could start doing it a little. I hope that many people can relate to my writing even though they aren't telling me.

[WePow]

WOW!!!! These are beautiful!!!! Thank you so much for sharing these!

[beautiful.mess]

Your poems are lovely rainbow. I absolutely LOVE to read and interpret poetry. One of my favorite pieces is part of a famous poem by Alexander Pope, Eloisa to Abelard

"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd;"

This is relayed in the movie, "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" and the reason I love it so much is that it's the perfect metaphor of therapy to me, and life in general too.

I've got to learn that I don't need external praise.

Wow, this really spoke to me. I struggle with this constantly.

[Nelliecat]

You've bought tears to my eyes Rainbow. You're so brave to put something that shows more of you on here. You're inspiring me - I'm writing a short story. Who knows, maybe you'll see it one day!

[rainbow8]

Thanks, Nellie. I have always wanted to write a book but I don't think I'm good enough. My best writing seems to be about therapy and the pain of my unmet needs. I think The Blanket of Love "wrote itself" because I didn't worry about rhyme. It just poured out of me. I sent it to my T when I wrote it, sometime last year after she let me hold her hand. She told me that "the blanket of love" lives inside of me and I can access it at any time. I still don't fully understand that, though.

In case I never get the opportunity to do anything with my writing, I decided to share it here. I have this deep need to share what's inside of me and I'm not sure that's always so healthy, but if I don't do it now, who knows if I ever will? Good luck with your short story!

Very beautiful! The first one brought tears to my eyes. There is very deep stuff there. In both of them.

[roads]

Rainbow, your poems are lovely & speak on so many levels. Yes, I can relate. Each time I come back & read them, new levels open. I've printed them out, I hope you don't mind. & no triggers needed, IMO.

Having been a lit teacher, I can tell you that nothing quiets a room of people faster than a poem. I've projected one on the big screen, watched faces, seen eyes search the lines over & over again, seen heads nod agreement & lips whisper quietly. Seldom is there much comment, but the silent perusal, no one leaving, has gone on for as long as 45 minutes.

Not getting written responses has nothing to do with your writing connecting.

Take good care of yourself.

[rainbow8]

roadrunner, you made my day. I mean night! Writing is so, so important to me but I don't know what to do with it. I'd have to use a pseudonym because I don't want people to know about my therapy. It fills a deep need inside of me to know that it moves you (me, being the perfectionist I am, just realized my rhyme is off in the first stanza) enough to print them! I feel like I won an academy award or something. Thank you for telling me about how poetry affects people, too.