[CantExplain]

Hi guys and gals!

I'm finally starting to see my T as human, but it's not easy. I used to switch between demonising and idealising, between hating her and worshipping her. If I can see her as human, that's progress, right?

But as I told her, it's difficult to imagine a mere human doing the things she has done. After all, no one else was able to cure my depression. She seems to have powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men.

I sense that a lot people in this forum are struggling with their T's humanity. I'd like to hear about that.

I don't have any trouble seeing my T as human...she's about as human as they come... but it probably helps that I am married to a T, so I get an up-front personal view of what a T is like "behind the scenes." My T also is very human... I've seen her get mad, get sad, cry, laugh, be a real weird, act goofy, she's pissed me off, I've pissed her off, we've gone out to eat, we've gone for walks, I've heard her argue with her husband, I've heard her yell at her dogs (and her husband!), I know a bunch of very "human" things about her. So I think that helps. AND she happens to have a bunch of abilities and skills that are far above the norm that sometimes freak me out a bit.

For what its worth, I don't think your T cured your depression all by herself... you probably did a great deal of work and thinking to do that on your OWN.

[ECHOES]

It took me a long time to give up the fantasy T in my mind, and to see the real T. Very hard, but so rewarding! Now it's a real relationship and I don't have to try to control it

[stopdog]

I struggle more with believing they have any skills at all than that they are super.

My T is human, I see that. A really good one

[Verbascum]

My T made a mistake. She acknowledged it, and said: Well, I'm only human too.

So then I knew.

[learning1]

I idealize some t's, including mine. I have a t in my family of origin and I don't idealize them- I think they're very logical and tend not to tune into people's feelings well, although they don't realize this and they have good intentions. I can sort of vaugely see how others might idealize the person in my family if they didn't really understand the person in my family, which they wouldn't in the role of a t. I wish I could see around my t's good impression to see him as more human and less someone to feel intimidated by.

Sometimes I wonder if a big part of t's ability is that they aren't supposed to tell us their issues, or at least not the current ones that they're really struggling with. If they would have really human conversations where they're honest about their own issues, like a normal give and take conversation, then it would be easy for me to tell them my own similar issues, but telling would be less meaningful.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by SarahMichelle

... we've gone out to eat, we've gone for walks, I've heard her argue with her husband, I've heard her yell at her dogs (and her husband!)...

You have a very privileged relationship with your T.

Originally Posted by SarahMichelle

For what its worth, I don't think your T cured your depression all by herself... you probably did a great deal of work and thinking to do that on your OWN.

That's kind of you, and at least partly true. But I worked as hard at BEING DEPRESSED before I met her as I did on CURING MY DEPRESSION afterwards. One of the tragedies of depression is the way it uses your own energy against you. T directed that energy in more constructive ways.

However, we must also remember that I would never have had any therapy of any kind if my wife hadn't talked me into it twenty years ago. Without her, I would have gone on thinking depression was normal and inevitable. She's the one who really saved my life.

I've never been one to idealize people, including T's. Just not my nature I guess. I think it's that very left-brained, logical, realistic temperment of mine. Oh, I take that back. The one person I ever idealized in my life turned on me and sexually molested me for 7 years. THAT might have something to do with it.

I also share a sarcastic and skeptical view on the idealization of people. There have been a number of people who I have admired, sometimes even greatly, but I've always seen them as fallible and human.

My T is just a guy in his late 50's. There are things to admire about him, he knows a lot about mindfulness and he's very good at demonstrating how to do it. He is very skilled in his work with me and he works very hard to give me what I ask him for, or what I sometimes don't know I need. He's very human.

Anne

[rainbow8]

I've always felt like my T is human even though I've had this transference going on with her. She has always been "down to Earth" and not up on some pedastal. But I still WANTED her to be superhuman. I am just now realizing that our REAL relationship can be good and satisfying to me and that we can relate as 2 women, her being my T/ guide, and me being her client.

[CantExplain]

I had a glimpse of her humanity this week. I taught her something!

Sometimes she is too quick to correct me. Eg:

Me: My daughter doesn't like it when I pick her up.

T: Then don't.

... or ...

Me: When you were angry with me last week...

T : I wasn't angry with you.

The point is, by correcting me so quickly, she stopped me from exploring how I felt about those situations. Maybe she wasn't angry with me, but how I react to anger is relevant to my RL relationships.

T responded very well when I told her. "You're exactly right. Please point it out if I do it again." After who-knows-how-many decades in the business, she still has something to learn. And even more surprising, she is still willing to learn it. Which makes me admire her even more!

[learning1]

that's very cool, Can't Explain

[SoupDragon]

My T is more of a presence than a human being - of course I know he is 3 dimensional and solid and I am very sure he sleeps, eats, walks, socialises like a human - but when I am there with him, I don't see him as a person.

[Perna]

[QUOTE=CantExplain;2092943But as I told her, it's difficult to imagine a mere human doing the things she has done. After all, no one else was able to cure my depression. She seems to have powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men.[/QUOTE]

Wait until you realize it is you who are the one "doing"/curing yourself, who has the powers and abilities; talk about blowing your mind

From the moment I walked into my T's door-I knew she was human. Her hair was messed up and when I told her it was sticking up. She said- "long day".

[CantExplain]

Interesting sequel.

I told my T about this and she said, "Don't force yourself to see me as human. If you see me as something else you will find out more about yourself."

[learning1]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Interesting sequel.

I told my T about this and she said, "Don't force yourself to see me as human. If you see me as something else you will find out more about yourself."

That's really interesting and kinda freaks me out- that a t intentionally wants to be seen as something they're not? What did you think?

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by learning1

That's really interesting and kinda freaks me out- that a t intentionally wants to be seen as something they're not? What did you think?

I was a bit unsettled by that too! I suppose she may me right, but man! Ts think some strange things.

I guess she is saying, "See me in whatever way comes naturally to your heart. Then talk me through it."

In the past I have seen her as a volcano: cold and hard on the outside but wamer within - a warmth I was intellectually aware of but couldn't feel.