[mcl6136]

O Wise 1s,

I am gearing up for my annual holiday descent.... into my family-of-origin madcap stuff....

Ho ho ho ho this is not my favorite time of year...

This season extends from right before Thanksgiving through the first of the New Year. Because I'm the only one from the clan who bothered to have any kind of therapy, the visits and interactions can lead me feeling rather alone in my ability to see the ...shall we say, family dynamics?

I'm the only "pyschologically minded" member of the gang, and I often feel alone. It is hard not to blurt out what I have learned in therapy, which these folks do not necessarily want to hear! Plus, I'm predicting that there will be periods when I cannot see my therapist. This will be a challenge. I'm trying to assemble all manner of coping strategies, in addition to my usual ones which include:

*friends
*yoga
*a few good work colleagues
*bubble baths, hot soaks
*walks with my dog
* my exercise class

Anybody else have an especially challenging time during the holidays, and what works for you in times of no T/holiday cheer?

This too shall pass, that saying has saved me on many occasions. I pretend to be a "visitor" to the chaos and not "an active member" this helps me to stay grounded in my sanity. My family is like a bad episode of Jerry Springer, so I just sit back and watch the mayhem unfold and take solice in the fact that I have gotten "out". Wishing you well.

I hear you!

I was just telling T about this today, that I started freaking out - on Halloween - and that I'm already dreading Xmas and the New Year, right through to my birthday in January. She told me to stop thinking about it, lol

[nannypat]

I already feel the downward spiral this time of year brings all the time. Just to much to handle. I would like to hibernate until spring.

[skeksi]

I'm with you! I've already started the traditional "Oh my god the holidays are coming" panic in therapy. The holidays are terrible for me. Seeing my family brings up a lot of bad feelings and memories. It's a trauma snakepit. It's weird seeing them now that I've got some really good therapeutic help, because it feels like the me that goes to therapy is a separate person from the fake me that sees the family. Nobody likes wearing a mask.

It helps me to avoid being alone before and after the holiday visit. When I'm alone I get overwhelmed by memories and it gets really bad. For Thanksgiving I've made plans for the day before, that night, and the next day. It helps for me to be active so that I can remember that there's a me away from all that trauma stuff, you know?

I just had an "interesting" conversation with my mother on the phone about this very subject. I, also, am the only lucky recipient of therapy, so I am the family's designated nut..scapegoat...how ever you want to put it. I've been shoved out to the extent, my brother and sil do everything my mother needs and she listens to them exclusively. She has no need for me at all. I lost my father 4 years ago , three days before Thanksgiving. All the raw emotion is still right under the surface. All the devastating remarks made to me, and the traumatic hospital experience still simmering.
I understand all of your reservations around the holidays. I only wish to get through them unscathed; it would be impossible to get the family to change or do anything differently. I go to these gatherings like a lamb to slaughter. (sorry if it sounds overly dramatic)
My husband understands how the holidays make me feel and I can leave when ever I need to.

[granite1]

all i can say is the mother is comming for christmas

[nicoleb2]

I too, have entered holiday freakout time. My mom died 3 years ago, and we had thanksgiving and christmas at my stepdads for the last 3 years.

Communication is strained, at best. He's turned into a psych worlds going to end weirdo and I don't like it

I wish we could skip through to about April.

[Perna]

Invent your own new rituals or activities to anticipate, either between now and New Years or after that and then keep your eyes on that event you are looking forward to.

My holidays have gotten overly boring with only two grandchildren, who are Jewish. I get to do Thanksgiving with my husband's ex- and stepchildren and Christmas with my step-sister and her very grown (40's and 50's) children and grandchildren who I only see every Christmas for dinner, I'm expected to bring the $50 ham. My DH and I don't decorate (place too small and two active cats) and can't afford presents (just got back from an expensive vacation that will take two years to pay for), even if, at this age, there was something we wanted and didn't already have. We have one good, local friend, a single guy our age who we take with us to Christmas and who will be watching our cats over Thanksgiving so we can travel two days to and from the stepson's, to stay in a hotel we don't want to afford.

Originally Posted by mcl6136

O Wise 1s,

I am gearing up for my annual holiday descent.... into my family-of-origin madcap stuff....

Ho ho ho ho this is not my favorite time of year...

This season extends from right before Thanksgiving through the first of the New Year. Because I'm the only one from the clan who bothered to have any kind of therapy, the visits and interactions can lead me feeling rather alone in my ability to see the ...shall we say, family dynamics?

I'm the only "pyschologically minded" member of the gang, and I often feel alone. It is hard not to blurt out what I have learned in therapy, which these folks do not necessarily want to hear! Plus, I'm predicting that there will be periods when I cannot see my therapist. This will be a challenge. I'm trying to assemble all manner of coping strategies, in addition to my usual ones which include:

*friends
*yoga
*a few good work colleagues
*bubble baths, hot soaks
*walks with my dog
* my exercise class

Anybody else have an especially challenging time during the holidays, and what works for you in times of no T/holiday cheer?

I choose not to become involved in those type of gatherings now. Therapy has given me the ablity to say no sorry I won't be able to make it.

[stopdog]

I do not see my family on holidays. I visit them before or after, but I have chosen not to go through the unnecessary (for me) stress of holiday expectations any more. I have a group of friends who get together on thanksgiving and xmas and we eat and go hiking. Some drop by before or after their family gathering if their families are in town. But we now have created a holiday ritual of our own which seems to work.

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by earthmamma

I choose not to become involved in those type of gatherings now. Therapy has given me the ablity to say no sorry I won't be able to make it.

earthmamma and nannypat have a good answer. Why put yourself through stuff that is agony? Sometimes family 'obligations' are not worth it.

[skeksi]

Originally Posted by skysblue

Why put yourself through stuff that is agony? Sometimes family 'obligations' are not worth it.

We all have different circumstances and may be making the best choice in a bad situation. For some of us, not attending these events is the best choice; for others, attending the events may be painful, but the consequences of not attending might be worse. I fall into the second category, so I focus on taking care of myself to make getting through those two days easier.

There shouldn't be any consequences. If you don't choose to go, you don't choose to go.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by granite1

I've never had a tree but I might get a little one this year and hang balls on it decorated to look like these guys!

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

I'm predicting that there will be periods when I cannot see my therapist. This will be a challenge. I'm trying to assemble all manner of coping strategies, in addition to my usual ones which include:

*friends
*yoga
*a few good work colleagues
*bubble baths, hot soaks
*walks with my dog
* my exercise class
?

This is an excellent plan! You are being very mature about this.

Originally Posted by earthmamma

There shouldn't be any consequences. If you don't choose to go, you don't choose to go.

There shouldn't be any consequences but unfortunately, there are. Ones I don't have the energy to pay.

Then you are making a choice, and it will cosr more energy then you say you don't have.

[elliemay]

These are my rules for holiday/family visits. I didn't go in and announce them that I was going to do them, just did them. It helps.

1. No physical abuse of any kind, of anyone in the house. I don't want to see and if it happens I will call the police and leave.

2. No verbal abuse. If something like that starts up, I will leave.

3. I always drive there so I have a car to leave (this one is a BIGGEE, you gotta have an escape route). I've rented cars before.

4. I stay no more than 2 nights in a row OR I stay in a hotel.

[unaluna]

Festivus for the rest of us! No, I don't celebrate the weird Seinfeld holiday, but today, Daylight Savings Time Fall Back, is MY favorite day of the year! HOORAY!!!

1. I finally wake up at the right time again, after being later and later and more and more miserable (i swear I am a cow in THIS life!)
2. I used to not set my clocks back for WEEKS just so I could be on time for a change.
3. I just LOVE that extra hour today, love it, love it, love it!

Is anybody else with me? THIS is the only "holiday" I recognize and celebrate. Tofurkey leg, anyone?

Originally Posted by hankster

Daylight Savings Time Fall Back, is MY favorite day of the year! HOORAY!!!

. . .

Is anybody else with me? THIS is the only "holiday" I recognize and celebrate. Tofurkey leg, anyone?

I am so with you. This extra hour, and that it just feels in sync with what is outside the window, is such a luxury. I want to bathe with it, roll around with it on a featherbed, cuddle with it, wrap it up in my sweater and keep it warm.

Not the tofurkey leg-- that's nasty. But the extra hour, it is my BFF today.

Anne

[skeksi]

You guys crack me up! I agree, waking up to daylight is a lovely treat. Pass the Tofurkey!

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by hankster

Festivus for the rest of us! No, I don't celebrate the weird Seinfeld holiday, but today, Daylight Savings Time Fall Back, is MY favorite day of the year! HOORAY!!!

1. I finally wake up at the right time again, after being later and later and more and more miserable (i swear I am a cow in THIS life!)
2. I used to not set my clocks back for WEEKS just so I could be on time for a change.
3. I just LOVE that extra hour today, love it, love it, love it!

Is anybody else with me? THIS is the only "holiday" I recognize and celebrate. Tofurkey leg, anyone?

I love it too! Yesterday seemed to last forever, in a good way!

Originally Posted by hankster

Festivus for the rest of us! No, I don't celebrate the weird Seinfeld holiday, but today, Daylight Savings Time Fall Back, is MY favorite day of the year! HOORAY!!!

1. I finally wake up at the right time again, after being later and later and more and more miserable (i swear I am a cow in THIS life!)
2. I used to not set my clocks back for WEEKS just so I could be on time for a change.
3. I just LOVE that extra hour today, love it, love it, love it!

Is anybody else with me? THIS is the only "holiday" I recognize and celebrate. Tofurkey leg, anyone?

But.. but... dark nights! I've just had to purchase a whole load of hi-viz gear so I can ride in the dark with a bit more safety

With you on the tofurky! A fellow veggie?
(Also, Seinfeld for the win!)

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by 3rdTimesTheCharm

I am so with you. This extra hour, and that it just feels in sync with what is outside the window, is such a luxury. I want to bathe with it, roll around with it on a featherbed, cuddle with it, wrap it up in my sweater and keep it warm.

I've got an idea. Instead of gaining an hour and losing it again, why don't we gain an hour twenty-four times a year?