[onlymedid]

I see her once a week, but sometimes I will go from monday of one week all the way until thursday of the next week before I get to see her again. It feels like FOREVER and I miss her. I can't tell her that, but I wish I could. I don't want to seem too needy either. I just don't know what to do...

[harvest moon]

Originally Posted by onlymedid

I see her once a week, but sometimes I will go from monday of one week all the way until thursday of the next week before I get to see her again. It feels like FOREVER and I miss her. I can't tell her that, but I wish I could. I don't want to seem too needy either. I just don't know what to do...

Same here... I miss him so much, but I couldn't tell him that ever. 45 minutes a week is nothing. Try writing to her between sessions. Been thinking of starting myself. Even if you don't give them to her, it might be a way to feel closer.

[rainbow8]

I know how long a week feels, so more than that can seem like forever! But, why can't you tell your T how you feel? Even though that wouldn't change the interval between sessions, I think you would feel better by telling her. Ts know how much we care about them, and it's for your benefit to tell her how you feel about her. She'll understand. I promise.

[onlymedid]

Originally Posted by harvest moon

Same here... I miss him so much, but I couldn't tell him that ever. 45 minutes a week is nothing. Try writing to her between sessions. Been thinking of starting myself. Even if you don't give them to her, it might be a way to feel closer.

That is such a good idea! It might make me feel better to do that and maybe I can even share some with her that way.

[onlymedid]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I know how long a week feels, so more than that can seem like forever! But, why can't you tell your T how you feel? Even though that wouldn't change the interval between sessions, I think you would feel better by telling her. Ts know how much we care about them, and it's for your benefit to tell her how you feel about her. She'll understand. I promise.

Well, maybe I can tell her tomorrow. I will try, but no promise here. lol

[rainbow8]

harvest moon: I remember when I couldn't tell my T (years ago, my first one) that I missed her. I was very embarrassed when I finally did, but she was happy that I did. I know it's hard, but you and onlymedid think there is something terrible about telling that to your T. What are you afraid of?

[onlymedid]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

harvest moon: I remember when I couldn't tell my T (years ago, my first one) that I missed her. I was very embarrassed when I finally did, but she was happy that I did. I know it's hard, but you and onlymedid think there is something terrible about telling that to your T. What are you afraid of?

I guess I am afraid of rejection. What if she doesn't understand that I miss her during the week? What if she wants to "delve deeper" into my feelings? Where will that go? What will come out? eek!

[harvest moon]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

harvest moon: I remember when I couldn't tell my T (years ago, my first one) that I missed her. I was very embarrassed when I finally did, but she was happy that I did. I know it's hard, but you and onlymedid think there is something terrible about telling that to your T. What are you afraid of?

You know... The first time I told anyone in the whole world I love you I was probably around 19. I'm so shy with my T, I'm so afraid that if I tell him that I've been thinking of him or that I miss him I will turn red and never get back to normal during our session!!!

[rainbow8]

onlymedid: I think most Ts just accept your feelings for them because they are normal. Ts aren't into rejection or they wouldn't be Ts! If she does want to explore it further, well.....that's what therapy is all about.

harvest moon: I've blushed in therapy and it's not the end of the world. I know how you feel, though. I'm always kind of embarrassed to tell my female T how much I like her because I don't want her to think I'm a lesbian. But we discussed that and it's okay. If I blush in therapy, my T doesn't comment on it. Ts are used to our physical reactions.

[onlymedid]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

onlymedid: I think most Ts just accept your feelings for them because they are normal. Ts aren't into rejection or they wouldn't be Ts! If she does want to explore it further, well.....that's what therapy is all about.

Thanks for that reassurance. I know you are right and I am going to try to tell T today.

[onlymedid]

How do you suggest I tell her? lol

[Aegis]

I apologize for asking this, but what’s the point of telling a T. that you miss him/her? I also don’t see how communicating these feelings or needs would make the patient feel better. Wouldn’t it make the patient feel weaker and more vulnerable?

[rainbow8]

Did you have your appointment yet? As for how to tell her, there's no one answer, as you probably know. You can say "I want to tell you something but it's hard and I'm embarrassed" and see how she responds. Or, you can just jump right in with it! Harder, but effective. I usually go with the first method, and at times in the past I used to spend a lot of time starting a sentence and then stopping, then looking at the clock to see if the session was over yet, hoping that it was and I'd be saved, but feeling desperate to get those words in before the "bell rang"! If I didn't say it, I'd be miserable afterwards!! Better to talk than not to, I found out.

[onlymedid]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Did you have your appointment yet? As for how to tell her, there's no one answer, as you probably know. You can say "I want to tell you something but it's hard and I'm embarrassed" and see how she responds. Or, you can just jump right in with it! Harder, but effective. I usually go with the first method, and at times in the past I used to spend a lot of time starting a sentence and then stopping, then looking at the clock to see if the session was over yet, hoping that it was and I'd be saved, but feeling desperate to get those words in before the "bell rang"! If I didn't say it, I'd be miserable afterwards!! Better to talk than not to, I found out.

Yeah, I had my appt. I told her that when there is a long gap between sessions, I miss it. I couldn't say I missed "her"....but I did say I missed sessions. She just said, "ok" and we didn't really go into it much further. I guess because I was like, I don't know why I miss it, I just do.
I think your method is much better. Maybe I will tell her next session.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Aegis

I apologize for asking this, but what’s the point of telling a T. that you miss him/her? I also don’t see how communicating these feelings or needs would make the patient feel better. Wouldn’t it make the patient feel weaker and more vulnerable?

Perhaps not weak, but I have read the idea can be to find out that vulnerable may not be all bad.

[Irine]

Sessions can be also fun - not always but - it is supposed to provide a safe place to open up - and a person who will give you attention - the combination of both can be pleasant at times. It can be painful but also very good. This open vulnerability when managed well by the T can make us feel safe happy and loved.

I once told T "It feels like a long time"
He said "Just a week." 0
Mine is much more blunt. A man. But i also "teach" him
The fact they are therapists doesn`t mean they know it all.

[Aegis]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Perhaps not weak, but I have read the idea can be to find out that vulnerable may not be all bad.

But, isn't withholding this information more rewarding? Therapists won't reciprocate these feelings or needs, so this is a no win situation in which the patient will probably end either in pain or unsatisfied. If being vulnerable in therapy is beneficial, then we just need to look for a healthier way of reaching this state of vulnerability.

Originally Posted by Aegis

But, isn't withholding this information more rewarding? Therapists won't reciprocate these feelings or needs, so this is a no win situation in which the patient will probably end either in pain or unsatisfied. If being vulnerable in therapy is beneficial, then we just need to look for a healthier way of reaching this state of vulnerability.

Not in my opinion. For me therapy is valuable because I can express how I feel and I don't need my T to reciprocate any of my feelings or needs. There are other ways to be connected and feel understood other than reciprocity in T. It's pretty clear to me that the more I open up and share what's really going on with me, the more progress I make.

I've never heard it suggested, in the evaluation of therapy research or elsewhere, that "withholding" of information or feelings has therapeutic value.

I don't think there is any point of going to therapy and withholding information. Say what you feel. Say what's really going on in your life. Be open hearted and brave. Otherwise, it's just a waste of money.

Anne

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Aegis

But, isn't withholding this information more rewarding? Therapists won't reciprocate these feelings or needs, so this is a no win situation in which the patient will probably end either in pain or unsatisfied. If being vulnerable in therapy is beneficial, then we just need to look for a healthier way of reaching this state of vulnerability.

I don't agree that it is a waste of money if you do therapy differently than others, but my understanding of a possible valuable thing to learn by being vulnerable with a t who has proven trustworthy, is that one learns being vulnerable does not always lead to disaster.

[CantExplain]

People often say, "What's the point of crying" or "What's the point of getting angry?"

A basic rule of therapy is that there is a point in expressing your emotions even if it can't change anything. The point is that you will feel better.