[dismantle.repair]

I've been contemplating taking a break from t for awhile now. A long while... Even though my sessions are once a month or so, because of time constraints (me being unable to get off work often) and because of the stress I have pre and post session (sorry t but it's true)
I had my *last* session today.
We made some progress it seems. I was no longer frustrated. We didn't talk about anything difficult really... Just why I don't think I deserve any sort of happiness. I obviously couldn't come up with an answer.
I told her I think I needed a break, and she didn't ask why. She said she could sometimes hear the desperation and fatigue in my voice, but she knew at those points to pull away from her prodding my psyche.
I wished her a good Christmas and told her maybe in January or February... She agreed.
I'll miss her loads, but I need to know if I can sink or swim. Especially now where school and work stress is building. I need to know if I can do this.

((((((((dismantle.repair))))))))

I took a short break from T, and it turned out to be the best thing I could have done for myself.

I was seeing him twice a week at the time and I took a month off, so I missed about 8 sessions - and then when I went back, I went to once a week instead of twice, so it ended up being a break AND a transition.

But I learned a lot during the break. I was able to really experience how much I have learned in therapy as I applied it to real life. I was able to feel how much of T I hold inside of me, even when I don't see him. I was able to really focus on my life, without all of the ups and downs and time/financial commitments of therapy. I was able to do things like read books that inspired me, and journal as a way to nurture myself. It was hard at first - I cried a lot for a few days - and then it was okay and then it was bittersweet and good.

And when I did go back to T, we reconnected easily, and I was finally able to begin talking about the thing I had been avoiding/hiding for 3 1/2 years. I didn't walk back in and talk about it...but I did start moving towards it, and was able to start talking about it a couple of months later. I think I just needed that time to rest and regroup before we started in on this hardest thing.

Posting on PC helped me a lot. Knowing that T would be there when I got back helped a lot too. I think therapy is a gift I give myself...and right then, a break from therapy was also a gift to myself.

Be gentle with you. Nurture yourself. Post here. And know that you can go back whenever you need to...even if it's before January or February.

Hugs to you!

[dismantle.repair]

Thank you so much treehouse!
I know this feelings won't fade. I'm struggling, but I need to know that if I throw myself into the lion's den, I have the ability to fight my way out of it. Lions be damned!
I'm so stressed out right now, I probably won't even notice the difference.

[CantExplain]

Once a month doesn't sound like nearly enough to see your T.

Once a week is only just enough for me.

[dismantle.repair]

I guess to each his own...
When I saw her every other week, I went crazy with frustration. We had to cut it back.

[Perna]

Therapy isn't for everyone; if you are not getting something you want and can use, then why spend the time, money, and effort? I don't know what kind of therapy you were doing only once a month but I think I would have changed to a different setup/kind of help if traditional therapy did not help me.

dismantle, you can use this time to re-evaulate everything. Also, to just see if you can apply anything you may have learned thus far. Its good to have resources, but Somehow, we are able to find the knowledge, strengh and wisdom to pull through during the tougher times. Remember that T is only a call away. hugs

[dismantle.repair]

Just for clarification purposes:
Once a month did wonders for me. I'm not in a profession where I have much free time, and I'm at the beck and call of my superiors (at any given time).

With my upcoming exams, I feel my depression hitting back, but... I don't want to be hit too hard.