So basically I explained to her about this erotic transference.

Her main question " How do I know you won't stalk me?"

This to me tells me she's scared. I'm not sure if I should bother going back. This won't work out will it?

She never reassured me or said anything that I explained was fine or anything like that.

[eclogite]

From what you've written here, it doesn't seem clear to me that there's a good yes or no answer to this question.

Can you write any more about your interactions and how therapy seems to be going? That response from her as written doesn't seem promising, but I wouldn't rule the relationship outright based on that alone (from what you've written).

Hopefully others will chime in.

I just seem put off by it. She never said it was okay to have these feelings or anything. She seemed more concerned if I was going to harm her. She appeared nervous or anxious by what I said.

I explained to her I have no interest in stalking her but I get the impression it's not seeping through.

[eclogite]

Originally Posted by so80

I just seem put off by it. She never said it was okay to have these feelings or anything. She seemed more concerned if I was going to harm her. She appeared nervous or anxious by what I said.

I explained to her I have no interest in stalking her but I get the impression it's not seeping through.

That does seem very off-putting and not very reassuring. I would imagine it wasn't an easy thing to bring up in the first place. How long have you been with her? Do you think if she were more composed and in control of her emotions and the situation next time you saw her, you'd be able to forgive her initial reaction? If so, could you talk to her about your feelings regarding her reaction?

[SoupDragon]

I think erotic transference is not uncommon and I wonder if this is a new experience for her? If so maybe she has a lack of confidence/skills to help you work through it. I think you should try and talk about it with her again and then you may be clearer on whether she will be able to help you. We need to feel safe that our T's can face our stuff with us. Soup

You seem to have an understanding that she could have handled this differently. To be honest when I first begun therapy I would have not known her reaction to be other than the "right" one, so I'm thinking you will know what is best for you to do here.

[ECHOES]

How did her question make you feel?

I think it is a legitimate question from her. Especially if it is in the context of the discussion - if you maybe talked about other times you've felt this way about someone else, for example.

Like any good 'parent' she must take care of herself first to be available to you. Asking this question was possibly a way to show she has this boundary.

Keep talking about it. Next session, please talk about how you feel about her asking this, even though I imagine it must be very difficult. Working through this with her means you won't have to find another therapist and begin again, and have to work through it there. Now's the time

I think that the only way to know the answer to that question is to raise the issues you have with her reaction with her. Since she didn't say she wanted to quit, at least she is not "afraid" enough of you to refer you to someone else. So by this, I take it that she is communicating "I am willing to work through this" to you.

I would go back for one more session to discuss this with her. Based on what you will learn from this, then you'll be able to make a more informed decision.

Anne

[eskielover]

Not every T is skilled or has the training to handle certain things....maybe this isn't an area of therapy that she is strong in & that may be coming out through her response to you on this subject. You may need a different T who is more skilled & has more training in the topic of sexual issues.

It's definitely important to discuss this with her rather than to JUST ASSUME ANYTHING. Think having another session & talking through what your feelings & thoughts are on this is important not only for you, but for her also.