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#1
Dec 06, 2011, 06:56 AM
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*PROFANITY USE*
Sometimes, I just hate her. Here is the reason. I need her......and I am tired of needing I spent most of my life in therapy, because my mother said I was crazy. I spent most of my time in therapy wishing the therapist would read my mind...and know the things I couldnt tell, I fantasized about them taking me home and being my new family. A happy one. I expected to be saved from my life and it never happened. After so many years, I look at my current T which I just started seeing. and Ive reached a point where I dont want to be helped any longer, She asks questions and I feel like I she wil never understand. I feel like she has some pre-existing script she says to everyone, that I hate her and still come in every week. Im tired of hoping that things will get better....even in the smallest things like people not treating me like sh** every day...but each time I try to move on. I try to do better, be it at school, at life , at my attitude, everything gets ten times worse, someone I care about dies, something I thought was okay isnt anymore. Then I come in and tell her what is going on and she tells me some sh** like I have to think moreabout me...I have to blah blah blah. But when I go to talk to some person, they treat me like crap for no reason, and I go home and im treated like crap....and SO MANY EFFING YEARS, its like being permanently gripping to your stomach for years because of the pain, and shes asking me to just stand up and walk...but I can only stand up mid-way...and each time I think and I am stupid enough to hope Im actually standing up taller each day...someone comes and punches me harder in that same spot...and I cant effing get up anymore Im TIRED. and at this point Ive been walking around gripping my stomach and walking limp so long...its all I effing know... and then she says.... *Its our time up*..and I leave that dumb office where I need a lady with a bunch of papers hanging on the wall that mean Im a dumbass because ive spent my whole life in this same office...when I should have stopped pretending everything was going to change...listening to some lady who waves her hands as she talks and asks me how I ****ing feel, what ...while she goes to her fancy house and I go to my house where Im trapped? Yeah..let me get better just to have someone push me back down.....while she goes home to her ****ing manhattan penthouse and her college degree. Then I come back the next week.
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#2
Dec 06, 2011, 08:43 AM
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#3
Dec 06, 2011, 11:12 AM
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yeah, but I love that picture.....
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#4
Dec 06, 2011, 11:55 AM
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(((((( SHOEZ )))))) I don't have any wisdom, a hug for you though.
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#5
Dec 06, 2011, 01:09 PM
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Have you hated her before this?
__________________
Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc. Add that to your tattoo, Baby! |
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#6
Dec 06, 2011, 04:24 PM
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i don't have any answers but your post hit something within me. i remember always thinking i would be saved too. for me it could have been a man walking on the street or a nice lady store clerk. it was so heartbreaking to never be saved and to self destruct as a teenager instead.
if okay....i hope that you feel better about your life soon and i'm glad that you are sticking with your t for now.........kasva |
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#7
Dec 07, 2011, 09:44 PM
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Thank u everyone for ur responses and hugs. I can totally relate to ur comment too kasva.
@Cant Explain- I only feel like this about her sometimes, and I just started seeing her, I just guess sometimes I get tired of explaining my story..it seems useless after a while
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#8
Dec 07, 2011, 09:54 PM
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I feel this way sometimes too. I hate that my T has what I perceive as a perfect life. I'm sure he & his wife have had fabulous sex every night for the past 30 years - and twice on Sunday. I just imagine that everything about his life is perfect perfect PERFECT - perfect children, perfect relatives, great friends, trips abroad, peace of mind, lovely home, etc etc etc. Meanwhile my has been F**d up for years. Barf.
 PC is a great place for venting, don't you think? |
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#9
Dec 08, 2011, 02:05 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc. Add that to your tattoo, Baby! |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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