At my therapy appointment this week, one of the first things that my T did was to ask me how I was feeling about having called him over the weekend for help. [So, inside my head, I'm going: Needy, gross, like a giant loser, ummmm . . .] What I say out loud: FINE. I'm feeling fine, thanks for asking. He smiled and talked to me about what I was actually thinking in my head instead of what I said out loud. Said I was NOT bothering him. He said he loves what he does for a living AND he enjoys talking to me in particular. He does not think of talking to me on the phone as "work" or part of his job.

In the course of the conversation, we also discussed the fact that when I started therapy, he made a comment about holding the therapeutic boundaries forever, and how that me feel like he would never consider the two of us equals. Like I would never be normal, never graduate into being just someone he knows and maybe likes. He actually stopped and thought about what I was saying, and said that there was no "maybe" about liking me. That he liked me and cared more for me than some people who are his friends and he hangs out with all the time. He thinks sometimes about how much fun I would be to hang out with and go camping with, but that we just cannot go there in our relationship right now. He also said that although holding the therapeutic boundaries forever was his habit in the past, that he could see us being friends after the ethical time limits have passed. What was necessary right now, however, was that I know that he likes me and cares for me as my T, and that he puts my interests first and we focus on my issues and not his.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

In the course of the conversation, we also discussed the fact that when I started therapy, he made a comment about holding the therapeutic boundaries forever, and how that me feel like he would never consider the two of us equals. Like I would never be normal, never graduate into being just someone he knows and maybe likes. He actually stopped and thought about what I was saying, and said that there was no "maybe" about liking me. That he liked me and cared more for me than some people who are his friends and he hangs out with all the time. He thinks sometimes about how much fun I would be to hang out with and go camping with, but that we just cannot go there in our relationship right now. He also said that although holding the therapeutic boundaries forever was his habit in the past, that he could see us being friends after the ethical time limits have passed. What was necessary right now, however, was that I know that he likes me and cares for me as my T, and that he puts my interests first and we focus on my issues and not his.

That was nice of him, and very generous.

I would be surprised and perhaps uncomfortable if my T were to go so far as to say she likes me more than some of her friends. It may be true, and I hope it is. But she'd never say it. She has said that I am far too good at making myself "special", and I don't think she wants to encourage that.

Originally Posted by CantExplain

That was nice of him, and very generous.

I would be surprised and perhaps uncomfortable if my T were to go so far as to say she likes me more than some of her friends. It may be true, and I hope it is. But she'd never say it. She has said that I am far too good at making myself "special", and I don't think she wants to encourage that.

My T says I undervalue myself all the time. Maybe he's just encouraging me not to do that?

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

My T says I undervalue myself all the time. Maybe he's just encouraging me not to do that?

I don't he'd say it if it wasn't true.

Is it so hard to believe that he likes you? A lot?

[unaluna]

Generous my a s s. Your T is hitting on you? It sounds like therapy has already stopped. Camping? Really? Camping?? You would be completely vulnerable. What is going on here?

Originally Posted by hankster

Generous my a s s. Your T is hitting on you? It sounds like therapy has already stopped. Camping? Really? Camping?? You would be completely vulnerable. What is going on here?

Hankster, I'm sure it sounds weird out of context. I go on these horseback riding trips where we take the horses (in a group) and camp out with the horses for the weekend. That's the camping he was talking about -- it's a group, very safe, thing. I don't think he was hitting on me and I don't think he's physically attracted to me. I'm really not very attractive.

[mixedup_emotions]

So glad to hear that you had a good session and that T reassured you that he liked you. Sometimes we need to hear those words to help counteract our own negative thinking.

never mind

[unaluna]

Oh, sorry! I think my imagination ran away with me! That does sound amazing! Much better than what I was thinking, for sure! Really, I am so sorry.

Still, it bothers ME that he said he could see you being friends after the ethical time limit had pased. That would change things for me, and not in a good way. He SAYS he's putting you first, but he clearly put himself first. You don't have to be some female definition of attractive for a man to have certain feelings. It sounds to me like he already let the cat out of the bag. You will find postings by me with the same statements - I am not cute, T is gorgeous, therefore blah blah blah.

It sounds too facile - you're not cute, he can put a hold on his feelings. I think he has already crossed the line - the way he said, now tell me what you're really thinking - a therapist wouldn't push like that, he did that for his own gratification. I saw that as a red flag before I read the rest of that first post. Telling you he really likes his job, wink wink hint hint. IDK. Proceed with caution? I think you're on thin ice. Proceed at your own risk.

[mixedup_emotions]

My T has told me that he likes me and would want to be friends after therapy is over....and he even wanted me to consider working with him.

Those things scare me to death - but also help me feel likeable! It doesn't necessarily mean he wants to jump my bones! My T has a beautiful wife, three beautiful little girls - and I wouldn't think in a million years that he had a thing for me. I am likeable though, and it makes me feel good just thinking that he'd like me as a friend.

I do realize that we each have our own experiences, fears, ideas, interpretations, etc. that go into what we share here. Some people may see red flags - which is worthwhile to explore and see if it's a fit or not. If not, then it may have more to do with the person seeing the red flags.

[unaluna]

TOTALLY agree - explore, keep it open for discussion, don't let anything sneak up on ya. thanks mue you put it perfectly.

Interestingly, roseliegh, I think I have the opposite response - I am LESS distracted. He just came out and said that he likes me and cares for me (in a way that feels safe for me, but I understand the reservations that some people are expressing). Therefore, I can stop worrying about the impression I am making and whether or not he cares about me and whether or not I am bugging him when I ask for help. If I'm not bugging him, and he actually cares for me, I can relax a little and just focus on what I need to do to be healthier emotionally. I can also stop worrying about "losing" him down the road when I'm done with therapy.

[unaluna]

Now *I* am feeling so much better, too! really! I get it.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

My T has told me that he likes me and would want to be friends after therapy is over....and he even wanted me to consider working with him.

My T said - unless I head her wrong - that we can never be friends.

That's OK. I see much more of her as a patient than I ever could as a friend.