[WePow]

The past week after my EMDR session, I felt myself pull away emotionally but not sure if it is because I am feeling like I don't need to be in therapy or if I am just doing my cycle of pulling away after intense emotional sessions. Maybe some of both.

The oddest thing happened to me at the movies today though. I was watching an emotionally charged movied today with my friend and I "caught" myself as I started to cry once and flashed back to my therapy session this past week and saw my T stifle a yawn while doing the EMDR work with me. He actually did that in session but it was late in the evening and I was dissociating from myself a bit because the alter who was holding that pain was crying.

And it was just a stiffled yawn at the exact same time I was watching myself outside my body a bit (off to the left side of myself) and I was thinking "God! I am so SICK of seeng myself bawl in session like this! I am such a woosy!!!" ((I am sometimes too hard on myself about that stuff but crying always reminds me of my weepy dad and I tend to be furious with myself about it after session even though I know I have to express the pain)). But seeing that stiffled yawn while the EMDR was going on and while I was crying and thinking that thought, well put it all together and my thought was "Even T is bored with my crying! Just knock it off and grow a pair!"

So at the movies after my brain flashed back to that scene it shut me off emotionally and I was able to just observe the movie without feeling anything about it. Oddly, I liked it better that way.

Just wanted to post this. Was curious what you guys might think about it.

[granite1]

i think your T yawning may have bothered you more than you are letting yourself feel.i think we can always say things like T are human yes they get tired or may need a dose of O2 but it doesnt always agree with what the heart thinks and that could be that you thought your T is thinking you are borring and that he is tired of you.the best way to deal with these is to not feel them.i may be far off with this but just my thoughts and some hugs

[WePow]

T has yawned before. I know it means a person is actually fighting the body's natural sleep need because they want to pay attention to what is going on. It hasn't bothered me before at all. But I do think the timing was just a type of perfect storm event. Now it feels like T is on the other side of the universe emotionally. It is a VERY strange sensation. Kinda like he is now just another stranger like most everyone else in my world. I had wanted to figure out how to not do this emotionally with a person. urrr.

(((((WePow))))))

I think it's worth it whenever we have a reaction to T or to session, especially one we don't understand, to bring it up with T. I know you and I have both brought up "worse" things with T than "hey! you yawned in my session! what's up with that?"

I *hate* when I see my T stifle a yawn. I'd rather just have him yawn already. I've noticed that he stifles them during more emotionally charged moments, and it does throw me off when he does it. We're SO trained to be in tune with other people's feelings and emotions that of course we're going to notice.

In my last session T yawned and said something about it, but it didn't bother me at all. I'm not sure why a stifled yawn bothers me but a full-on yawn doesn't, but there it is. Maybe T feels less present in a way when he stifles a yawn...like he's thinking "whoa, I better not yawn" and concentrating on that instead of just being how he is. I don't know.

Be gentle with you. ALL of this stuff matters because you matter.

[WePow]

(((((((Tree))))))) Now that you said this, it kinda hits home! I have also seen my T yawn and it didn't bother me at all. It is almost like the yawn held back says "I am trying to hide from you the fact that I need to yawn. I am lying to you."

IDK - but that is sure what it feels like maybe. Then if it comes during a time when we are doing serious work, we are so exposed that having the other person show a sign of being deceptive is maybe deeply triggering. That feels right. There we are all exposed and honest with who we are but the other person is litterally lying through their teeth in our face. Odd. I wrote that out of the blue in just replying back to you and I can feel the anger rushing into me along with the desire to slam that door shut hard!

Originally Posted by WePow

IDK - but that is sure what it feels like maybe. Then if it comes during a time when we are doing serious work, we are so exposed that having the other person show a sign of being deceptive is maybe deeply triggering. That feels right. There we are all exposed and honest with who we are but the other person is litterally lying through their teeth in our face. Odd. I wrote that out of the blue in just replying back to you and I can feel the anger rushing into me along with the desire to slam that door shut hard!

This makes SO much sense to me. I had never thought about this until this thread...but now I honestly think I am going to say to T "hey, if you ever need to yawn, just YAWN". And I'll tell him why. I need him to be present and 100% himself.

It's so good you got in touch with that anger. THERE those pesky feelings are!

[elliemay]

FWIW, I don't think we really know why people yawn. Yeah, people yawn when they are sleepy, but how does that account for the fact that yawns are so contagious? To me it says that yawns have some sort of social meaning.

According to the experts dogs yawn when they are upset, confused or need a break. Thus, I think it is likely that it is a form of preverbal communication.

So I guess what I'm trying to say here is that maybe you need to give yourself a break here. Even if your therapist was tired, it doesn't mean that he was tired of you. You just happened to be there when an autonomic response happened. Even if he was trying to communicate something, it may not be what you think.

I wonder, if he had hit his knee and kicked his leg would you feel the same way?

peace

[Perna]

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/14/health/14yawn.html

Feelings are part of being human, as are the yawning and crying actions; are not good or bad. I don't look for meaning in them by themselves but seek to understand how they work best in my life, how best I can understand them so I function well.

I think a yawn reminds us that there's another person there with feelings, emotions etc and we're suddenly very aware of how much we want T's attention, caring and we become ashamed suddenly of those desires and when we feel shame we want to hide/withdraw. If we were to put into words how T's yawn made us feel it wouldn't seem nearly as bad as the back and forth internal arguing we put ourselfs through, and the unconsious anger it triggers would vanish.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by elliemay

I wonder, if he had hit his knee and kicked his leg would you feel the same way?

I think elliemay is onto something here. Next time my T stifles a yawn (i really hate this too, good point you guys!), i'm gonna hit his knee and kick his leg!

[Chopin99]

I believe the yawn could be a trigger that makes you think your T might be bored with/tired of you. One thing my T is trying to drill into my head is that 99% of the time, the actions of others have absolutely nothing to do with you. Even if someone is attacking you directly, most of the time it has nothing to do with you, but the other person acting on their own fears and wounds. Taking that into consideration, your T was probably tired in general, but not with you!

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by hankster

I think elliemay is onto something here. Next time my T stifles a yawn (i really hate this too, good point you guys!), i'm gonna hit his knee and kick his leg!

seems like an entirely reasonable thing to do. I'm sure it will go over very well.