Should therapists ever be uncomfortable in therapy?

I had a previous therapist who promised me a termination session and never delivered, and I've talked about it a bit with my current therapist, and last session (3 weeks ago, next session in two weeks... first I went out of town, then she went out of town, so 5 weeks in-between) I brought up the possibility of role-playing that termination session, and she said something along the lines of she wouldn't be comfortable role-playing my previous therapist. She didn't use the word uncomfortable, at least I don't think she did, but she appeared to be uncomfortable at the prospect. I plan to bring that up next session as now I'm just fascinated to find out why that made her uncomfortable.

But anyhoo, I've been thinking a lot about therapists being uncomfortable in session. Should a therapist ever cross THEIR comfort zones? If so, how much? Is it just depending on what the therapist wants? Drop a client when they first make you uncomfortable. Or drop them if they make you uncomfortable too much. Or drop them if they make you reach a certain level of uncomfortableness, etc.

Thoughts on therapists and comfortableness?

Wow, interesting... My therapist has never appeared uncomfortable, and I'm not sure I can imagine a situation where she would - but it makes sense that everyone has their own comfort zones, even therapists. Maybe it's a boundary thing?

I don't think they should do anything they are not capable of handling. Their comfort is no concern of mine. I am not adverse to them feeling discomfort as long as they are not then rendered incompetent.

I can't think of an example off the top of my head, but there are things my therapist has said he's not comfortable doing. OH - one was going for a walk in the national park across the street during session. I REALLY wanted to do it, and he absolutely refused.

I've asked for probably hundreds of other things that he HAS given me, though. I KNOW we've done a lot of things that he hasn't done with other clients (like e-mails, or sitting on the floor, or playing games, etc, etc), so I guess in some ways, those things are probably not in his "comfort zone". I'm glad he's flexible and willing to do so many different things with me.

AND I'm glad he says "no" when it's something he really doesn't want to do. It's good for me to see him say "no" to things. I'm not good at saying no, and it helps me learn about boundaries. He can still love me and be a good T AND not be comfortable taking a walk during session.

Are you going to talk to her more about it??

I brought a picture over to where she was sitting and knelt down to be at her level when she looked at it. She seemed uncomfortable with me being there and said something like you can go back now. It was uncharacteristic of her...

I once asked if I could give him a hug and he said it was not necessary (a heavily implied NO), he would be fine (lost his dad at the time.)

However if I am the one who needs a hug, usually that is ok. He just does not want to GET anything from a patient but giving it for my sake was somehow ok. A very hard lesson for me to learn.

no brainer, of course they can, they are humans.

I don't think she used "uncomfortable". I doubt she wants to pretend to know what another person was thinking or feeling or how another therapist was working with you. Therapists are not interchangeable, the kind of termination session this one might give will be completely different from what your old therapist might have given.

Therapists are just people; they get uncomfortable about various things just as we do. What makes me uncomfortable isn't what makes you uncomfortable because our backgrounds are completely different? They easily can have/had difficult parents, spouses wanting divorce, unruly children, job disappointments, etc.

Well, the question is not whether they can, but whether they should. Is a good therapist one who learns to be challenged by their clients and grow through and because of them, as long as client-time doesn't become therapist-time? Should a therapist drop a client if the client makes them uncomfortable or should they tough it out a bit, or a lot?

And I do plan to bring this up next time, but i find the topic trascends any one indivual client-therapist relationship.

Perna, that kind of role-playing is used extensively in therapeutic settings.

Is this a generic question, or do you keep getting dropped by T's because you make them "uncomfortable"? ie what is the reason for your question? I am guessing you had to be your own parent in a lot of ways, because your parents were not able or responsible or capable, and now you are unconsciously acting out this dynamic with your T's, making it THEIR problem, and resisting any insight into your contribution. You're saying, they should be able to take anything I can dish out. You're describing a punching bag, not a therapist. A therapist will ask you, why do you want to hit me?
Sorry if I'm off base with this, but I spent over 20 years striking out at T's until I got enough book knowledge to "get" some of this.

I've only been dropped by one seven years ago because she thought I needed someone with different expertise. It's a generic question.

When I started seeing this therapist 16 months ago, I'd switched (because I moved) from a therapist whom I hugged at the beginning and end of sessions--and each of these hugs lasted a couple of minutes. I knew, of course, that this new therapist and I wouldn't have the same thing and certainly not right away. I wanted to hug her before she felt comfortable w/ it and she said that while hugs at the end would be fine, she didn't envision herself being comfortable w/ hugs at the beginning. I appreciated her honesty. It was a struggle for me who'd had my previous therapist be a major source of hugs for me in my life and for her who wanted simultaneously to give me what I needed/wanted while being comfortable. Not having a hug at the beginning was particularly difficult for the child who sometimes "in retaliation" wouldn't talk at the beginning of sessions because she wasn't feeling loved. We both worked through this and it was amazing that she tried to work on her comfortableness, too, i.e., it wasn't "my way or the highway." Today we sometimes start with hugs--when I've had a difficult time between sessions, when I come in feeling terribly for whatever reason and she is good with this. I learned that I couldn't push her to be comfortable w/ something that she wasn't. Though I'm honored that she decided that she would work on this on her end (she literally said this--do some work herself) and that the child also has become OK with not always having these hugs (for a while instead of a hug at the beginning, we would do a short meditation with our eyes closed in which she welcomed the child to her office with love and we both took a lot of deep breaths). My hugs with this therapist are shorter, but much more satisfying in a way because I know that they don't come as naturally as they did to my previous therapist. I feel that my therapist has grown with me, didn't just reject my requests because they were outside of what she felt OK with, but tried to adapt some because it would help me. I believe that this is a "good" therapist--thinks of her/his clients before him/herself, while making sure not to give things that are too uncomfortable and he/she can't sustain.

Then that is an interesting question! I had one session with a t/pdoc, who had the most uncomfortable looking office I had EVER seen - it was all STICKS! Including the one up his kiester! He was SO COLD, I suspect he never made himself emotionally uncomfortable as you posit - it was his way or the highway. I did do therapy with someone he trained, who was the same way emotionally, that's why I can say this after just one meeting.

I think my current T's being uncomfortable, and showing shame and change and a lot of other human stuff, has been the source of our strongest connections and the impetus of my biggest changes this year. So good question. I think the more human they can be, while still doing their job, the better.

When I was in a group facilitated by my T, I noticed (but never pointed out) that she breathed hard whenever CSA came up. I think she was triggered.

That may be simply a professional boundary.

"Punching bag" is one of the roles a T must play.