need to come up for air

i am doing better.i really am.i am trying to make some sense out of all this but i am better

I pushed and pushed for a break from T and then I got one. It has been so hard, I have been counting the days off. I never realised how important that weekly routine was for me in terms of keeping me ticking over and functioning well.

I guess maybe all the things that have been written could be true. For example that your T does not hate you, but at the same time it so feels that she does. I think those deep feelings that we have are not based on rational current time evidence, but are wrapped up in history, triggers, past experience. Therefore there is probably nothing anyone can say to make you feel differently about that - maybe on one level you may know that your T does not hate you, but the feelings tell you something different - that is something that will take time and experience for you to work through with your T. That's why we see T's isn't it?

If you were coping so very well right now with not having your sessions, then maybe there would be no need for you to continue to see your T. That is what I hope for, for myself, that oneday this horrible yearning to be with T will subside and T will just become someone that I bumped into for a while in life.

In the meantime I guess we just have to hang on in there while waiting using what support we have around us to get us through.

Thanks for letting us know how you are today.

Soup

thinking of you today Granite.