Core beliefs

I've just started a series of psychology assessment sessions. This week was the first appointment and the psychologist had me doing lots of questionnaires. In the couple of days since then I've been realising (a) how deep some of my core beliefs go and (b) how skewed they are. That's to say, if other people held them I would see them as skewed, but for me they just feel right and natural, the way the world is.

I had to indicate how far a number of statements reflected my own feelings. From this I realised that I believe:
It's my job to make people happy.
If people are not happy it is my fault.
I will never measure up to expectations; I am never "good enough" and never can be.
I am convinced that those I care about will abandon me.

At some level I have been aware of many of these for some time. But it's like they are official now. I don't know what to do about them. I'm very much a "doing" sort of person and I can't see what to do. I feel like a failure because I have donea lot of CBT work over the years but it hasn't changed these deeply held beliefs. I don't know how to change them or even if I can or should.

Caroline, , the fact that you are doing the testing and realizing what's going on inside you is very significant to me. accepting your realizations and posting here about them is a big step. i've watched you grow, here on PC, and i think you're going to continue to grow. xoxoxo pat

Thank you Pat. You are so kind and so encouraging. I find it next to impossible to credit myself with anything so other people doing so is incredibly helpful. I'm going to make one of my first targets accepting people's positive comments to me. That in itself is really really hard to do, because it feels so wrong and dangerous, but I'm going to work on it.
Thank you.

lead with your heart and it will work...love, pat

Keep working at it, Caroline. Sometimes people do CBT, but it never gets past the point of looking at their automatic thoughts. Getting to the core beliefs takes time, hard work, and usually a good therapist.

Thank you, Ben. The assessments are part of a major struggle to get access to a good therapist who can help me to move on. I'm just hoping I get a break in that; it's taken me 6 months to get this assessment.

Yes, when we hold to things automatically, we don't realize them without deep thoughts (and a great helper!) TC

Thank you Sky. I just need to find the helper lol.

Dear Caroline, ((((((( HUGS )))))))

I am PROUD of YOU.... for doing the work you need to HEAL.

For it is our core belief system that controls us in the here and now, and it does not matter if a persons belief is a little off or not - they still define what we perceive as reality.... change the inner you and healing will come.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

P.S.
Have you ever read the book, "Feeling Buried Alive Never Die" - by Karol Truman.

Thank you Rhapsody, for the praise, the encouragement and the hugs. You're right, I do want to change - I just can't see how to do it.