so many things

ahhhh sorry i need to vent, i can't help it...

i found out (through some research of my own) that my t has a little girl. it makes me so jealous i feel sick. SICK. i didn't even know she had kids- i knew she was married, but she's young enough to still be in honeymoon bliss, and when i discovered she had a little girl (toddler age), my heart BROKE. and i mean, i feel so sick over it. it makes me queasy to think about the way she nurtures that little girl (and yes the way i found out she had a girl was in this context... i overheard her talking to someone about something she did for her daughter if she had a boy i would be fine. god i am so messed up. and i could never tell her about this because the info was obtained in an eavesdropping manner... ahhhhhh god i hate this

second thing- i had a session last night, and on the way out i told her about something i was dealing with tonight, and she told me i could email her if i wanted to, and was stressing about it. well, i did, and i got NO response... seriously my stupid negative energy is now on her instead of the original issue which is so messed up in itself, and now i just want her to be my mom or older sister and be with me always and forget about her little girl and focus on me and respond when i need you and i just have so many thoughts right now i cant put them into words..........

sjkero, I'm sorry for your struggle. I feel for you. I don't want my T to be my dad, but I am jealous of his wife. I read a book my T wrote, and part of the dedication was to his wife. SOOOOOOO jealous I felt queasy.