[yang0868]

I just read an article that talked about humor being a strong indicator of the strength of a relationship's connectedness. Any relationship! The article also states that when humor is reciprocated, is it a sign of likeness. If it isn't reciprocated, then the relationship's connectedness has gone sour. Sounds like common sense but it does make me wonder how many of us go to our Ts joking about stuff and they're laughing at the jokes or vice versa and then you still have the hard stuff to talk about. My T says that without the connection between us, no matter what method she uses, it wouldn't work if we didn't have the connection.

I'm just curious as to how many of us exchange humor w/ our Ts and if so, how often? What has been your reactions to eachother? Does your T smile/laugh? Do they give you the "poker face" look? Do you agree with this article that I read?

[Lexi232]

I think theres a time for jokes, and a time for not... but i think smiling and laughing is a good thing.. .... I've had them give the poker face look too, but usually I dont say or mention that I see through it, unless there IS a connection...
But sometimes just sitting back and talking and having a okay time for a session is nice... especially if it's the only place that you feel safe and don't really want to bring the hell from outside within the safe place..

[stopdog]

Usually I am the poker face and the t tries to make jokes. She is not particularly good at humor.
In real life - I find humor to be essential and tend to have a dry and dark humor approach to most things. In therapy, it does not seem to work although the t does recognize it. She claims her humiliation of me should not matter because she was kidding - so her mis use of humor is how she humiliated me.

i use humor a lot. it is a huge part of who i am. my t does also...for me to have a t who did not use it would not work for me...we don't sit & laugh our fool heads off but we do share funny stories, moments...

we are the same age & altho we both live in a different state now we both grew up in the same area..& have many of the same likes & dislikes..so there is much to joke about.

humor is important...i find at times it is easier for me to get my point across using it than by just blurting things out.

we do have serious focused sessions too...some that leave you wrung out & exhausted. don't get me wrong...but both my t & i have agreed that from the initial conversation we knew we could work together because our personalities meshed.

I laugh at my T all through our sessions & she laughs as well. She brings that smile out of me that I can't bring out on my own. I'm glad that I can find humor in my sessions because I truly need a good laugh at times when the hand I've been dealt with only makes me feel depressed.

[Chopin99]

My T is a hoot. I laugh with her a lot. She's made most of the jokes so far, but she said as I progress, that my humor will come out more naturally in the therapy process. Laughter is healing as long as it is not directed AT somebody. It is a sign of healing.

[REEG]

For me I think humor is essential in therapy- it's intense at times, for sure, and humor can be a welcome break. My T is good at using humor to strenghen our relationship, it does not feel at my expense. It's laughing with not laughing AT. Sometimes my T will laugh and I'm not sure what I have said that is funny- I'll ask to avoid misunderstanding.

[Lexi232]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Usually I am the poker face and the t tries to make jokes. She is not particularly good at humor.
In real life - I find humor to be essential. In therapy, it does not seem to work. It is how she humiliated me.

Have you been able to tell your T this in some way such as writing or speaking or emailing or anything?
There is not enough allowances for as many hugs as i want to give you right now... (PC limits how many smiles is put in the posts)...

[learning1]

my t's humor scares me a little bit. I feel like he's judgmental about whether I have a sense of humor, and he doesn't laugh at my jokes much. I don't make many jokes with him.

[roads]

Humor works in my life where I think faith serves others. Many times it's all that keeps me afloat, this perspective I have that lets me see the funny side of pretty much everything.

I'm just starting with a new therapist, we met this week for the third time. I've had a good feeling since the beginning so have been trying to get through the BS as quickly as possible. In the second meeting I said I knew I had a major problem hiding behind masks, and he leaned forward. "Oh? Do you paint them on? Or use the glue-on kind?" Then he opened a desk drawer and pulled out a bottle. "I've got this solvent--"

And I saw the twinkle in his eyes.

I mean, he hadn't missed a beat. And we both burst out laughing. Oh, yeah, he's my T, no doubt about it. We're gonna laugh our way to lots of progress together.

I think a shared sense of humour shows you're on the same page. We've had a few smiles and laughs along the way

[BlessedRhiannon]

My T and I share at least one laugh every session, no matter how hard it is. I think part of it is that I use humor as a defense and to diffuse, but also, my T actually gets my jokes, and not many people do!

Sometimes, my T will crack a joke as a way to help me break out of an anxiety attack or to help ground me. I find it helpful when I'm stuck in a cycle of anxiety and can't seem to break myself out of it long enough to talk.

[bluemountains]

I love humor and a good challenge! My T quickly picked up on the fact that I am a smart-a**s who thinks I am top of things. She is quick to dish it right back, which I appreciate. I don't know everything, although I like to pretend I do. She is able to alleviate a stubborn stand of mine with a smart=a**s reply of her own. I need that and appreciate it.

Bluemountains

There is a lot of laughter between T and I. We just click that way. But it doesn't seem to get in the way of the hard work and serious matters we have to deal with in session. A time and a place . . .

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by stopdog

She claims her humiliation of me should not matter because she was kidding - so her mis use of humor is how she humiliated me.

Have you considered that your reaction to her in this situation is enacting a repetition compulsion with your abuser, and that is what MAKES it impossible for you to see it as a joke? And in the same way that granite's T was not very polite in returning her letter, your T is similarly choosing the client's best interest, ultimately a positive therapeutic outcome, over the "simple" route, which would be to give you the apology you want.

You know how "they" are always saying, "the only way around is through". Maybe the only way to your apology from her is yeah enlightenment.

You can't forgive her; you can't forgive your abuser. You say what your abuser did was not such a big deal. And now you say what T did was a joke - that sounds like not such a big deal, on the face of it, UNLIKE your perp's actions, frankly. So what do you object to, in both cases? Where does/did the humiliation come from, and what will truly fix it, once and for all?
Are these the kinds of things you and T discuss?

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by hankster

Have you considered that your reaction to her in this situation is enacting a repetition compulsion with your abuser, and that is what MAKES it impossible for you to see it as a joke? And in the same way that granite's T was not very polite in returning her letter, your T is similarly choosing the client's best interest, ultimately a positive therapeutic outcome, over the "simple" route, which would be to give you the apology you want.

You know how "they" are always saying, "the only way around is through". Maybe the only way to your apology from her is yeah enlightenment.

You can't forgive her; you can't forgive your abuser. You say what your abuser did was not such a big deal. And now you say what T did was a joke - that sounds like not such a big deal, on the face of it, UNLIKE your perp's actions, frankly. So what do you object to, in both cases? Where does/did the humiliation come from, and what will truly fix it, once and for all?
Are these the kinds of things you and T discuss?

The therapist is the one who keeps claiming she was joking - I do not think she was. I have told her I was humiliated by what she did, she brushes it off by claiming I am to blame for not knowing she was making a joke. And her reasoning for not apologizing is because I should have known she was joking.

[unaluna]

Right. in database design, if a design isn't working, we turn it upside-down. I understand what you have been saying all along, and that is what you just repeated above. I am asking you to turn it upside down, and consider looking at it differently. Of course you don't have to; I just don't understand why you did not react to what I wrote. It's like you didn't even read it. Which is fine. I don't really care, honestly. Happy new year!

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by hankster

Right. in database design, if a design isn't working, we turn it upside-down. I understand what you have been saying all along, and that is what you just repeated above. I am asking you to turn it upside down, and consider looking at it differently. Of course you don't have to; I just don't understand why you did not react to what I wrote. It's like you didn't even read it. Which is fine. I don't really care, honestly. Happy new year!

I thought I was responding. Otherwise I just did not understand what you wrote. No deliberate offense intended.

I have read articles on humor in therapy and it is supposed to be a good idea and seems to work for a lot of people. I don't want to pay someone to make fun of me so I do not play or humorize with the therapist anymore when I go to an appointment.

[beautiful.mess]

Originally Posted by bluemountains

I love humor and a good challenge! My T quickly picked up on the fact that I am a smart-a**s who thinks I am top of things. She is quick to dish it right back, which I appreciate. I don't know everything, although I like to pretend I do. She is able to alleviate a stubborn stand of mine with a smart=a**s reply of her own. I need that and appreciate it.

Bluemountains

Same here.

[Nelliecat]

Humour is very important in my life, my H is hilarious and we laugh every day. My T however, is fairly straight faced and when I've cracked a joke or laughed she doesn't usually join in. As a lot of my jokes are about poking fun at myself I can see that by staying serious she is having no part of making fun of me. I would definately benefit from her making the odd joke or laughing but I don't very often see extremes of emotion from her. This has got me thinking, I might very well bring it up with T on Thurs - from the connectedness p.o.v.

[vanessaG]

T & I have humor in EVERY session. It's ok I guess...probably more than I would like...

[JustWannaDisappear]

Originally Posted by yang0868

I just read an article that talked about humor being a strong indicator of the strength of a relationship's connectedness. Any relationship! The article also states that when humor is reciprocated, is it a sign of likeness. If it isn't reciprocated, then the relationship's connectedness has gone sour. Sounds like common sense but it does make me wonder how many of us go to our Ts joking about stuff and they're laughing at the jokes or vice versa and then you still have the hard stuff to talk about. My T says that without the connection between us, no matter what method she uses, it wouldn't work if we didn't have the connection.

I'm just curious as to how many of us exchange humor w/ our Ts and if so, how often? What has been your reactions to eachother? Does your T smile/laugh? Do they give you the "poker face" look? Do you agree with this article that I read?

Yup, usually after we've had several hard sessions we have a more relaxed conversational session and joke around. She said she felt guilty for not keeping to the trauma work and asked the other Ts in her practice how they felt about it. All of them also said they do the same thing at times. I told her I sometimes need a week "off" and have a real adult conversation since I'm around little kids every day.

[mommyof2girls]

My T and I do joke a lot in session, it makes me more comfortable.....and I think she likes it as well.....

[yang0868]

Thank you all for your responses. I will share my experience later today. I have to go to work now.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by Chopin99

Laughter is healing as long as it is not directed AT somebody. It is a sign of healing.

Jokes I make at my own expense are always met with stony silence, if I don't get a lecture on top of it.

But my T agrees that laughter is a sign of healing; she loves it when I tell her something that's really funny*.


* Like the sign that said, "Facing our fears makes us stronger. Running from them can be a good cardio workout."