What's really bothering me

CantExplain · Jan 21, 2012, 11:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 3rdTimesTheCharm

I once worked with a battered woman in jail (actually, I work with lots of women in this capacity), but my experience in working with her was rather unique. Very early on in our interview, she said, "and then he beat me up." I might have said "what do you mean, he beat you up?" although I think I probably asked it as "what happened when he beat you up?" She looked at me incredulously and said something like, "and they say that you're one of the best in working on cases like mine! (insert seriously hostile tone here) And you don't even know what it means to be beaten up!!"

Exactly. I assume you learned from this experience. What did you say next time?

CantExplain · Jan 21, 2012, 11:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sannah

Sounds like you were triggered by this phrase. What do these 2 situations remind you of from your past?

Now your'e talking!

My mother often didn't understand me because I was technical and she wasn't. She was always angry that she didn't understand me. And I was angry for the same reason. Failure to understand was never neutral in our family. It was always someone's fault.

Go to the head of the class, Sannah! This is the question that Bad F and T both failed to ask.

Jan 22, 2012, 06:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Exactly. I assume you learned from this experience. What did you say next time?

There is nothing wrong with what I said or what I asked, in any objective way. I changed nothing about how I work from this interaction. I've worked with nearly a hundred people in this capacity and she's the only one who thought I should be able to magically intuit what she meant. Or, probably more accurately, she's the only one who was irritated that I couldn't.

You seem to have a sense of entitlement in relation to this issue, either that you should be able to control the exact words that your T uses or that you don't want to see that the words she used have a benign interpretation to most people.

Anne

Anne

elliemay · Jan 22, 2012, 08:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Now your'e talking!

My mother often didn't understand me because I was technical and she wasn't. She was always angry that she didn't understand me. And I was angry for the same reason. Failure to understand was never neutral in our family. It was always someone's fault.

So does it have to be this way now? I don't know, but is it fair to carry this over to your therapist, or - more importantly - to yourself?

Again, I don't know, but can't this just be kinda neutral? It sounds as though you've already gotten some great insight from it. Maybe this is okay? Maybe this kind of thing is what therapy is all about?

CantExplain · Jan 22, 2012, 02:26 PM

Well guys, it looks like I got over it.
It all seems so petty in retrospect.

I guess the good news is, that I now have the internal and external resources (PC) to work something through between sessions.

I can go to my session this afternoon and say, "You triggered me and I've had a rough week, but I'm OK now and do we really have to go through it?" The answer will be "Yes, we still have to go through it."

Sannah · Jan 23, 2012, 11:47 AM

I always welcome these sorts of opportunities to work through issues. They get triggered and then you can work on them and move past them. Good work!!

CantExplain · Jan 23, 2012, 02:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 3rdTimesTheCharm

There is nothing wrong with what I said or what I asked, in any objective way. I changed nothing about how I work from this interaction. I've worked with nearly a hundred people in this capacity and she's the only one who thought I should be able to magically intuit what she meant. Or, probably more accurately, she's the only one who was irritated that I couldn't.

You seem to have a sense of entitlement in relation to this issue, either that you should be able to control the exact words that your T uses or that you don't want to see that the words she used have a benign interpretation to most people.

Anne

Anne

Oh. I thought you understood. Sadly, not.

Jan 23, 2012, 03:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Oh. I thought you understood. Sadly, not.

Yah. Me too.

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