Progressing on the "couch"

I saw a psychologist for 5 or so years in the past. I was distrustful at first, but eventually I threw all my "stuff" at him and he fielded it all pretty well. He convivnced me that my illness wasn't my fault and that my past was "bad luck" and not my fault either. Still, I left therapy to pursue alternatives for myself. I found alternatives but I found their consequences also. To cope with the consequences I went into therapy again. He is a collegue of my former psychologist and he is making me feel compfortable so far. He has helped with my relationship with my wife. He is letting me remember some painful memories. He is revealing some facts regarding my past that I haven't realized before. I think this is going to work for me. Maybe I'll be able to vanquish my inner demons, finially. Hard to believe. A future with mental health is hard for me to imagine. I wonder if it exists at all? Can anyone answer this question a bit for me? Thanks.

I'm sorry, I don't have an answer for your question but I just wanted to let you know that I am taking away something from your post.

This. You made it sound so normal and not crazy. Thank you, I hope someone comes with the answer you are looking for

Well I think there are degrees of mental wellness. Certainly you feel more well than when you began. I don't see a 'ceiling'; if we are always curious and interested in ourselves, there is more to learn

Depends on what you mean by mental health... For me, mental health is to be able to deal with everyday stuff, good or bad and probably having more good days than bad ones... and everyone can achieve that, by themselves or with the help of their t or loved one, doesn't matter...

What is mental health for you? How would your futur with mental health be like? And what would prevent you from it?

I look at myself like a broken ankle, once "fixed" there will always be that "weakness" there but as long as I'm aware and take care and allow for its "weakspot" then I should be fine. No one in life goes thorugh painfree, we actually have the bonus of being aware we have weak spots and taking care of them and understanding them once we have had them analysed.

It is nice not having the demons lurking, skulking about and hiding behind doors so they can jump out at you, suddenly when you're all unaware and not expecting them. The startle response and hyperawareness goes way down. It's a little like being a slob and cleaning up your living space, getting it all neat and clean and comfortable. Doesn't change what you do, but does change how you think and feel about yourself and that helps you change what you do, if you want. You just have more choices, aren't so concerned with avoiding the mess anymore.

Thanks everyone.

I think I've been slowly moving toward mental health, or at least less paralyzed by fear and confusion. I was a real wreck when I left college in 86. I mean, sleeping indoors was optional to me and street drugs were pretty normal. I wasn't dangerous to anyone but myself, yet I couldn't deny my actions, though seemingly justified at the time, wouldn't have been anything I would have recomended to anyone, unless I was psychotic and delusional. I believe I was close, too close, to having a full break from reality. I thought civilization was heading in the wrong direction and therefore living the way I did was OK to me, only me. Though I still don't value money beyond it as a means to pay necessary bills, I'm not thinking about living off nuts and berries in the forest, at the moment.

I guess laughter would be mental health for me. A good, unashamed cry also. I still defend my soul like a momma bear defends her cubs, but I'm softening a bit with time.

Thanks.

I think it is like a migraine - I may learn to deal with the really bad ones and stop them knocking me off my feet, but I will always suffer from headaches from time to time, as do most people in the general population.

Thanks soupdragon,

I think you're right, life will always have difficulties. We will get sick and we will die, it is inevitable. Lately I've been concerned about the effect of some powerful anti-psychotics have had on me. I don't have to take them at present, but I wonder if I will ever feel "very happy" or "very sad" or be able to act spontaneously and just "have fun" ever again. It is overwelming for me to think about sometimes, I feel violated by psychiatrists and their treatment, occasionally. It is done, they prescribed it and I voluntarily took it. It is a cruel world.