Eerie Silence! What happened to my voice?

at the beginning i was quiet with my T. I didn't trust her sometimes, didn't feel up to discussing my issues, or feared getting to close to her. after we started holding hands during the session i have felt more comfortable and connected to her. now i easily talk to her but we still have our moments of silence. i actually treasure these moments. i feel no pressure to talk. i am calm. i feel safe and loved. i feel at peace sitting next to her, holding her hand. i don't have this comforting silence any other time in my life.

Maybe sometimes you just need the peaceful calm too?

I do feel a lot of guilt. I feel guilty that I am not super woman, with super emotional strength. When I look around me, I am a very blessed woman. Yet, I am worn out all the time. Mentally, physically, and emotionally.

You're human. It's ok to be that.

She does seem to take anything I say and try to start a conversation about it. I often wonder why she does that. I mean, it seems like nothing to me, yet she wants me to elaborate on that feeling or emotion.

She really doesn't put pressure on me. She sits quietly and waits on me patiently. She does talk to me every few minutes. She has asked me what I would like for her to do when I am quiet. I told her "Don't let me leave here without talking! Do whatever you think you need to do to help me get past this. If I don't talk to you, or look at you, I will go home miserable and it can last for days!"

She asked me if I was tired when I come to therapy and just need some time to wind down. I am a teacher and it is a very busy day for me. Tired is not what makes me shut down. When I come into a session, I am automatically hit with emotions. It is not always bad. Sometimes I do just need to sit and enjoy the peace and calmness!

I think that was a very good thing to say.

I'll chime in late, but I do this, too. It's the child part who gets triggered and sometimes knows what she wants to say, but just can't. I sit there looking down with a very closed off posture. I'll be silent for 5 minutes or so, but my T will then coax me out of it by trying to "guess" how/what I'm feeling, why I'm blocked. If she gets it right, I'll nod. If not, the child will say "No! That's not it!" If she didn't engage in this way, I would sit there for 30 or more minutes easily.

Different Ts have different philosophies about whether or not to try to get us to speak at these moments. One of my previous Ts would just let us sit there in silence. Not sure which is "better."

But, all of this to say - like many others have - you are not alone at all. This is behavior of others...

I have come to trust my therapist. I believe that she has my best interest in mind when she meets with me. I have begun to feel safe and cared for in her presence. That said, I do understand what you are talking about Squiggle. When I find myself overwhelmed emotionally in therapy, I shut down . .. I self edit what is going on inside my head. It is as if a train is running down the track and I feel as though the only way to stop it is to stop talking. .. to shut down. At that moment, it doesn't matter how much I trust her, I just can't say the words . . .the thoughts that are speeding through my brain. .. .At that moment, I sometimes think that I can't TRUST myself to say something that won't ruin everything that is good and kind in my relationship with my therapist. I am working on this, but it is sooooo hard. .. .so painful. I guess I don't have anything insightful to say on the subject other than I truly do understand.