[dismantle.repair]

Pardon me,
but what on earth do you reply to that?
How is that an adequate conversation starter? Especially after a therapy BREAK?

*throws a miniature tantrum*

I despise that .... I didn't realize until today that comment sends my anxiety through the roof. I already know that I have to start talking about something...i've been going through this therapy stuff for a year so I'll start talking even if its about the weather...just don't say those words...

Sorry those where the first words out of T's mouth...

I hate that, too! It sends any kind of coherent thoughts immediately from my mind and then I sit there like "..." Same goes for "what do you think we need to work on?" Baaahhh! You'd think Ts would know this by now. Just ask me how my week was and we'll go from there, geez!

[faith1983]

oh my god, I so get what you mean!! My t always start with: what do you need today? Well t, You should know by now that I have no need so, just as the week before, and the week before the week before and the week before the week before the week before and the... and so on and so forth, I don't know so would you stop asking that question please!! At first, I thought I would get use to it but now I realize that this question still makes me so stress and anxious!! I even tried twice to find a subject but felt so stupid!!

[yang0868]

Everytime T asked me that in the past, I would just shrug my shoulders and say "IDK." It got nowhere. So she hasn't asked me that question in awhile. Now I feel like T is taking charge by asking a ton of specific questions. It's SO tough when she does that. It makes me feel like "crap, do we have to talk about that?" I guess it's good that she does that because I don't tell her anything concrete unless she asks.

i don't like that either. i just kind of go blank.

[sunrise]

I am taking a counseling class right now and these are some of the "openers" that they recommend to us:

What would you like to talk about today?
What would you like to start with?
Where would you like to start?
What brings you here today?
How can I be of help to you?
What can I do for you?

In my first graded mock counseling session, I used, "What would you like to start with?" and got full credit. However, I strayed from the acceptable closing statements and did not get credit for that. It's really regimented at first. When I botched the closing statement, the instructor told me that next time, just say, "it's time to stop."

In my class, if I started with "how was your week?" I would fail, because that is directing the client to talk about his week, and maybe that isn't what he needs to talk about that day. It's constraining the conversation. Maybe he wants to talk about something that is happening tomorrow, or something that happened 10 years ago. Anyway, that is how the thinking goes, although I do think the T should take into account if the client hates a particular opening and choose something else if that's the case.

Neither my current therapist nor the family therapist I saw with a family member a few years ago used any of the openers I listed above. My T and I may do some small talk for a few minutes. He may ask, "how are you?" or sometimes, "what are you needing today?" The latter lets me know he is there, at my service, to provide to me what I am looking for from him that day. It is a good question because it can stop and make me think, what do I really need instead of just talking about things that aren't related to what I need. It helps focus things. Sometimes my T just looks at me expectantly, and if I don't start in, he may say, "I'm all ears." My family therapist used to open with, "what's going on in your part of the world?" or something similar. I liked that one!

[SoupDragon]

Someone on here posted that their T asks "What are we going to work on today?" and for me that seems less pressurised and puts T with me rather than just observing me.

[Flooded]

It's my most dreaded question and when my former t asked me that, I said "nothing" and got up and left. Didn't go back.

[healed84]

My T never gets to that point, b/c he does the how are you doing and I let it all out. I wonder if that is the norm for him. So, I think if he asked me What do you want to talk about today, I would dive right into it. Hmmm...now, I want him to ask me!

[Chopin99]

I always do small talk with T at first. Then the questions:

How are you?
or
Recess is over. Time to work. What ya got?
or
What do you want to work on?
or
(Holding her hand out) So...
or
What ya got for me?
or
What's bugging you?

At least she does try to change it up a little, but it's all the same really...

[velcro003]

i'm sure my T has said that to me, or something similar. She is also a fan of just looking at me expectantly like "Well?..." Apparently I have a "nervous" face, so sometimes she'll be like "Uh oh, whats that look for?"

[dismantle.repair]

Really don't mind if she uses ANY of those...
Really though? What do you want to talk about today?
I bit my lip thinking, "Well, I WANT to talk about the weather... I want to talk about the meaning of life... I want to talk about the reason Goofy walks and wears pants and Pluto does not..."

[rainbow8]

sunrise, it's interesting that you are learning to use opening sentences that many of us don't like! What was the closing statement you didn't get credit for? I personally hate "We have to stop". My former Ts used to say that with no warning and I never wanted to stop! My current T will give me some warning first, though sometimes it's "we have 5 minutes left".

I think my T asks how I am first, or maybe I start talking before she says anything. She doesn't ask "what would you like to talk about?" or anything like that. I actually think I talk first after I get settled on the couch!

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

sunrise, it's interesting that you are learning to use opening sentences that many of us don't like!

Agreed! I don't really like any of them. I think I will just learn to use them for the purposes of this course and then when I am actually with real clients, I will use what I want. I can look at these stock openers as something to fall back on if I draw a blank when a client is sitting there looking at me expectantly, as if to tell me "all right lady, say something!"

Originally Posted by rainbow8

What was the closing statement you didn't get credit for? I personally hate "We have to stop".

It was the first "session" with my mock client and I said something like, "I think this has been a good start... our time is just about up." I flunked! I was reprimanded that I must not assign value judgments to how the session went. I mustn't tell the client I thought it was a "good" session. What if I don't say that the next time? Then might the client think the session must not have been good since I didn't say it was? Basically, when starting out, they seem to want us to be very careful and neutral. A challenge for me is how to be cautious, neutral, careful, etc. without turning myself into a boring and lifeless person with no apparent personality.

My own T does not have a closing statement. He uses body language to signal that the session is ending, and after that non-verbal warning will say, "shall we schedule for next time?" and then he gets up to go get his appointment book from his desk. So that is the end of our therapy talk.

[lostmyway21]

I can't imagine I would like a closing statement. My T sums up my goals for the week, then, we schedule, and I know times up. Sometimes when I don't want to leave I throw in a random question at the end. He's caught on to me though.

[yang0868]

My T uses body language to signal to me as well that time is up. The most obvious one is when she looks at the clock. I'm thinking in my head "Ok, shut the f up cuz T wants me to get the f out of her office right now."

[JustWannaDisappear]

Originally Posted by dismantle.repair

Pardon me,
but what on earth do you reply to that?
How is that an adequate conversation starter? Especially after a therapy BREAK?

*throws a miniature tantrum*

My first therapist said that every single time. I hated it!! I usually said "I don't know" and we would sit for 50mins staring at each other.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by dismantle.repair

Pardon me,
but what on earth do you reply to that?
How is that an adequate conversation starter? Especially after a therapy BREAK?

*throws a miniature tantrum*

You could always reply, "That question and how much I don't like it!"

[dismantle.repair]

Perna, I fought off saying EXACTLY that!

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by Perna

You could always reply, "That question and how much I don't like it!"

ROTFL...thats awesome.

[CantExplain]

My T starts with silence. I don't know how long she would wait for me to speak, but for all I know, it could be the whole session.

FANTASY:

Me: (50 minutes of silence)
T: I'm afraid I'm going to have to stop you there.

Sometimes my T asks that question, and yes, it is a frustrating spot to be in. More often he asks me how I'm doing (I suffer from bipolar disorder, so he keeps a close eye on my mood) and our conversation just takes a natural progression from whatever my answer is. Always an adventure.

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

My T starts with silence. I don't know how long she would wait for me to speak, but for all I know, it could be the whole session.

FANTASY:

Me: (50 minutes of silence)
T: I'm afraid I'm going to have to stop you there.

That is awesome. LOL

[CantExplain]

I'm tempted to do an experiment.