[CantExplain]

Hi guys!

Teasing is one of the ways humans interact with each other, and appears to be a sign of acceptance.

However, teasing can be dangerously close to mockery, and those of us "of a nervous disposition" might easily feel rejected and humiliated.

My T teases me quite a lot, and on one occasion I have said, "You're teasing me!" to which she replied "Yup". So I'm not imagining it.

And we sometimes tease each other here on this forum.

Is it a good idea for a T to tease?
And is it appropriate for us to tease here?

Because teasing is often accompanied by facial gestures, which are impossible on this forum, and often is done between people who know each other well it might not be best used here. I haven t been teased, but I ve seen others be teased and seem hurt and it does bother me--sometimes I ll "stick up for them." This is really the only thing that makes me uncomfortable about this great forum.

[Wren_]

Ok most of my response is about light hearted, good natured teasing

I wrote ages ago about the way my mT teases me and that sometimes it's hard; but then if he didn't tease he wouldn't be him, and it wouldn't be us. The relationship would be completely different; so although it can be confusing at times and hurt at times I know his heart behind it and that makes all the difference, just need to remember it sometimes

Teasing can get very complicated. It can be hurtful, it can be confusing and yet it can also be fun, help to keep things light, provide a much needed release of tension, create bonds where they may not have been created otherwise. I think it's important that you know it's someone that it's ok to tease with; and that they aren't being hurt by it.

I know sometimes I've wondered if accepting being teased is an indication of lack of self worth? that's when it's extreme

Sometimes teasing can also be a pain in the neck when people won't let go of things that are OLD!

So many thoughts on this one; great question.

I know for myself it's the people I feel most comfortable with that I tease; and that in a way it's an expression of love - and yet, then I read other people say it's wrong, cruel and so on and yet; I don't think people intend it that way in the light hearted sense

Then there is the other kind of teasing where people tease to taunt and hurt and that kind is never ever good!

So confusing

Still thinking about this

As far as this forum, more thinking needs to be done ... I've seen it happen and I think it can help in some ways, and then other times I see people get hurt. Argh it's hard

Now i think of it, the few strong relationships i have in my life all include teasing ... is that wrong?

[unaluna]

I think a sibling relationship is typically one-third teasing, one-third fighting, and one-third loving. With me and my brother it was 80 percent teasing, 20 percent fighting. I don't take well to being teased now. I became a 10-year-old girl Don Rickles in order to deflect my older brother's remarks. Attractive! Having never received it, I tend to lack empathy for the people I tease, and often appear heartless. Then T gives me the hurt puppy-dog face, that i've stepped on his tail, and I'm like, uh-oh, what did I do now? My short answer, therefore, is that teasing must be accompanied by empathy, forthwith! (like that!)

[growlycat]

I think many of us have bad associations w/teasing. My t wants me to learn to even "like" it-that it can mean love, not hate.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Hi guys!

Is it a good idea for a T to tease?
And is it appropriate for us to tease here?

1. No.
2. Yes

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by hankster

I think a sibling relationship is typically one-third teasing, one-third fighting, and one-third loving. With me and my brother it was 80 percent teasing, 20 percent fighting. I don't take well to being teased now. I became a 10-year-old girl Don Rickles in order to deflect my older brother's remarks. Attractive! Having never received it, I tend to lack empathy for the people I tease, and often appear heartless. Then T gives me the hurt puppy-dog face, that i've stepped on his tail, and I'm like, uh-oh, what did I do now? My short answer, therefore, is that teasing must be accompanied by empathy, forthwith! (like that!)

You teased me about "being French", and that seemed perfectly natural behaviour on your part. I was a little taken aback, because I didn't know you so well back then, but even I could tell you were teasing.

I guess the shock was that from my perspective, you teased me too early - before we had established a rapport. But it came out OK in the end.

You are a pert minx.

(And in this context, I prefer "forsooth", not "forthwith".)

[SoupDragon]

My experience of "teasing" was of bullying - my father would "tease" me and If I got upset would "tease" me by saying "I am only teasing" - for me this led to learning to shut off my feelings - if my T ever teased me I would leave and never return, it would be too overwhelming for me.

My T and i tease each other quite a bit. It helps break the seriousness of those intense sessions of trauma therapy.

[granite1]

the experiance i have had with my T teasing me has kind of been a mixed bag.sometimes it can backfire and sometimes it can give me the giggle that i need to be able to relax.last session we were able to tease each other and it made things kind of light but other times i have been left hurt and confused.probibly do to my own stuff and not nessisarily what she was teasing me about.i guess for me it depends on my frame of mind weather it is a good idea or not.

[Chopin99]

Depends on the personalities of the T and client involved. My T and I have started to tease each other about certain things. I generally don't take well to teasing due to bullying in my teenage years, but I am learning in my relationships with T, H, and friends that it is okay because these people love me and mean me no harm.

I am hesitant to tease on the forum sometimes simply because of the variety of personalities and the written word does not contain the nuances of facial expression and body language inherent in teasing.

My T has teased me about a really sensitive subject for me and I was really upset. I told him about it, and asked that he not tease about that particular subject and he stopped. Otherwise, gentle teasing is fine, and I don't even really notice it; it's just part of how I interact with people.

On this forum, I have tended to tease only a few people. They have been the people who have two things in common. (1) I feel a really strong connection with these people - either we have something very much in common, or for whatever reason, their posts really resonate with me. AND (2) they are people who seem like they enjoy teasing, or are "up" to teasing with me. There are people with whom I feel a strong connection, or feel very fond of, but I don't tease because I'm uncertain of how they will take it.

If I have ever teased someone on here and hurt his or her feelings, I hope the person would PM me and let me know so I could apologize. Truly, I have never meant it meanly or to hurt anyone.

[pbutton]

I enjoy teasing. T and I tease each other, it's one of the few things I like about therapy. I find it entertaining. I love humor.

Of course I do view it from my own perspective and it is very difficult to hurt my feelings. I realize there are a lot of people, particularly people here, who are more sensitive to teasing.

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

On this forum, I have tended to tease only a few people. They have been the people who have two things in common.

You can make fun of me all day long

Originally Posted by pbutton

You can make fun of me all day long

I do, pbutton, I totally DO even if I don't say it out loud!

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

My T has teased me about a really sensitive subject for me and I was really upset. I told him about it, and asked that he not tease about that particular subject and he stopped. Otherwise, gentle teasing is fine, and I don't even really notice it; it's just part of how I interact with people.

On this forum, I have tended to tease only a few people. They have been the people who have two things in common. (1) I feel a really strong connection with these people - either we have something very much in common, or for whatever reason, their posts really resonate with me. AND (2) they are people who seem like they enjoy teasing, or are "up" to teasing with me. There are people with whom I feel a strong connection, or feel very fond of, but I don't tease because I'm uncertain of how they will take it.

If I have ever teased someone on here and hurt his or her feelings, I hope the person would PM me and let me know so I could apologize. Truly, I have never meant it meanly or to hurt anyone.

I am teasable here. Not a problem.
The t and I have had teasing challenges and now I am careful not to leave myself open and the t says she has become more careful too. The jury is still out on that one.

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

I do, pbutton, I totally DO even if I don't say it out loud!

HAHAHa.. totally sitting at my desk giggling to myself now.

[SoupDragon]

So what is teasing/ Why do some lap it up while others (like me) find it overwhelming? What does it do for the teaser and the teased? I am genuinely interested what each side gets out of it.

[pbutton]

Oooooh.. this is excellent practice for me, I am working on identifying my feelings.

Ok, using my recent exchange w/MKAC:

I thought her comment was quite funny and it made me happy. I honestly laughed out loud. In addition I feel like she is smart and amusing and I am glad to know her. It also made me feel closer to her -- she responded in a way that let me know that she "gets" what I said and that we have something in common - we enjoy the same type of humor.

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by pbutton

Oooooh.. this is excellent practice for me, I am working on identifying my feelings.

Ok, using my recent exchange w/MKAC:

I thought her comment was quite funny and it made me happy. I honestly laughed out loud. In addition I feel like she is smart and amusing and I am glad to know her. It also made me feel closer to her -- she responded in a way that let me know that she "gets" what I said and that we have something in common - we enjoy the same type of humor.

So it is a way of connecting with someone else? (gosh I feel like Spok with this one)

[stopdog]

There are articles and studies showing humor in therapy may be beneficial (I suppose in the alliance thing - feeling connected etc).

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

So it is a way of connecting with someone else?

You've got it. That's my reaction to teasing. Which is really funny when you consider that I'm female and MKAC probably doesnt' want to bond w/me. And MKAC is human, which means I don't want to bond w/her. Yet, here we are. The wonders of psych central.

It does kind of look like you're teasing yourself w/the Spock thing.

Originally Posted by pbutton

Which is really funny when you consider that I'm female and MKAC probably doesnt' want to bond w/me. And MKAC is human, which means I don't want to bond w/her. Yet, here we are. The wonders of psych central.

I was really and truly laughing out loud at my desk!

I'm doing better with other women, really I am!

And Soup, as an example with my thread on why I love the PC forum, teasing pbutton and stopdog was a way to let them know I really wanted their opinion, and valued their input, when my guess was that they would be uncomfortable using the term "love" or expressing a strong emotion about something. So it was a way of saying, "hey, please join in, even if I've worded this in a way you'd rather I didn't."

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

And Soup, as an example with my thread on why I love the PC forum, teasing pbutton and stopdog was a way to let them know I really wanted their opinion, and valued their input, when my guess was that they would be uncomfortable using the term "love" or expressing a strong emotion about something. So it was a way of saying, "hey, please join in, even if I've worded this in a way you'd rather I didn't."

And my reaction to that thread was to instantly feel included and recognized. And I laughed my pbutt off as well.

[unaluna]

Good thread, CantExplain - I think you took a negative and turned it into a positive, as well as shedding light on a sensitive subject. Very therapistic!