I wanted to draw on the communal wisdom of PC, if that's ok

I asked my T for a picture of her eyes. Sounds a bit strange but after 2+ years of steadfastly Never Looking At T or Anywhere Near T, I'm finding there's a part of me that is probably too little for words and feels safest by looking into her eyes. I've been much more grown up in sessions recently (yay!) but find that afterwards I feel I've lost out on not spending that time just being with T. So I thought this would be a good way to make up for it.

T said of course (), and texted me a picture the same day. The only thing is... it's kind of scary. She looks very very serious and is fully made up, and it's just not very... motherly! I think I want a picture where I know she's looking at me. I very nearly wrote back and said 'thanks, but could I have one where you're not dressed to kill and about to seduce someone?!' but I thought that might be too hurtful. Our relationship is very robust, but I don't want to hurt her gratuitously. I'm aware that she probably has her own insecurities about her looks and wanted one where she thought she looked nice (she talked about 'looking' for one). I also don't want to seem ungrateful- she said yes, and she did it immediately, when it usually takes her weeks to get round to these things. These are behaviours I want to reinforce!

Should I shut up and make the best of this picture? If not, how can I get the picture I would like in a way that doesn't cause too much fuss? What would PC do?...

[ECHOES]

Maybe compliment her pic and tell her that you had something different in mind.
Would it be possible for you take the photo?

Originally Posted by Improving

I wanted to draw on the communal wisdom of PC, if that's ok

I asked my T for a picture of her eyes. Sounds a bit strange but after 2+ years of steadfastly Never Looking At T or Anywhere Near T, I'm finding there's a part of me that is probably too little for words and feels safest by looking into her eyes. I've been much more grown up in sessions recently (yay!) but find that afterwards I feel I've lost out on not spending that time just being with T. So I thought this would be a good way to make up for it.

T said of course (), and texted me a picture the same day. The only thing is... it's kind of scary. She looks very very serious and is fully made up, and it's just not very... motherly! I think I want a picture where I know she's looking at me. I very nearly wrote back and said 'thanks, but could I have one where you're not dressed to kill and about to seduce someone?!' but I thought that might be too hurtful. Our relationship is very robust, but I don't want to hurt her gratuitously. I'm aware that she probably has her own insecurities about her looks and wanted one where she thought she looked nice (she talked about 'looking' for one). I also don't want to seem ungrateful- she said yes, and she did it immediately, when it usually takes her weeks to get round to these things. These are behaviours I want to reinforce!

Should I shut up and make the best of this picture? If not, how can I get the picture I would like in a way that doesn't cause too much fuss? What would PC do?...

This might be another way in which it is difficult to reproduce what goes on in the therapy "room" out in real life. You were probably looking for the same thing I love about my T. eyes...the concern, the I'm listening intently to you look.... Its more than a look...its a feeling that you get when you are in the moment... not sure you will be able to recapture that in a photo...

You are lucky to have a photo. My t. doesn't have any photos on the website or anywhere. I would like to have one just to remember when we are finished therapy.

[meliisa]

What would I do?
I would be grateful for her to send me a pic of herself in the first place.
If it's scary then delete it and just remember how she looks and how she makes you feel from your sessions

[stopdog]

I would explain what I wanted from a photo and see if the t would sit in her chair in her office and let me take a picture of her there with my phone. I think if you approach it from wanting a concrete image of her in the office where you are comfortable, it would be not rejecting or ungrateful for the photo she sent.

I rejected a few from their scary photos on the web. Scary photos of them are not good. The one I see has photos on the web and I do look at them sometimes because I cannot remember what she looks like from week to week.

[crazycanbegood]

I asked my T for a pic a while back. The one she gave is one on her website and I hate it! I hate that she's wearing black. But I graciously accepted it because she could have said no. Now much later I don't have such a strong reaction to the photo and I'm glad I can look at her whenever I want.

Thanks everyone. I know I'm really really lucky with my T and I must sound like a spoilt brat to some

I think that's the best idea, Echoes and stopdog- to explain that I'd like to take a photo of her during the session because that's the context which I'm familiar and comfortable with. I will keep in mind what you say, Readytostop, about it being hard to recreate because it is more than a static 'look'.

I have serious facial recognition problems, which cause me quite a lot of difficulties in my work and social life. I can't hold visual representations of people in mind or conjure up how they look. I often don't feel confident picking out good friends or even family members out of context. I think I do rely heavily on external features and context to identify people- maybe this is part of why it threw me to have a picture of T looking so 'different'.

[stopdog]

I do not think a client needs to be worried about being ungrateful or a "spoilt brat" for almost anything and certainly not something like this innoccuous request. This is a simple clarification and adjustment which harms neither party.

[CantExplain]

I have a picture of my T. It shows a drab woman looking uncomfortable. Not my T at all.

[laceylu]

I would not be able to say anything. I would say thank-you. Meaningful pics are personal. T is full of boundaries and I would be afraid of crossing some unknown boundary if I asked for another pic. I would learn to make eye-contact and remember her face and eyes. Old T made me practice eye-contact and current T has asked me to make eye-contact. People tend to look different the more we look at their picture, so I would keep trying to look at the pic and tell myself this is the one pic she picked to give me.

[likewater]

I like the idea of you takinh a pic of her in her office. :-)

[Wren_]

I'm glad you are going with the idea of taking a photo while you are with her makes perfect sense, and it doesn't mean being mistaken for being critical in any way