Am I overreacting or does T not know me?

Calling all psych central folks,
I need your advice, please. I have a tendency to overreact and follow my emotions, so i need your objective opinions. Excuse me for the vagueness. My T recommended I do something for pleasure, and belieiving my T to be wise, i followed her advice. So her recommendation caused me to be exposed to themes and subject matters that are very upsetting to me, as they are the subject of my frequent, recurring nightmates; ocurred in my youth; and form the basis of the fear that I myself might be a certain way. It was so disturbing to me, and I wonder how my T could think that I would enjoy this thing. I emailed T and told her how upsetting it was for me, and she apologized saying that she should have thought about how one particular subject would affect me. But it was not just that ONE subject; it was EVERYTHING about it. I am left wondering, does my T listen to me? Does she understand as I thought she did? Does she know me? Have I been in a transference, T is an omnescient godlike creature cloud? I have a session coming up but I do not want to see her, especially since it requires travelling. I love her dearly but I am crazy and need the assistance of a T who understands me and can help me, not a T who throws me into situations that can further scar me. I mean, how could she overlook that the entire thing would upset me? She said she found one aspect of it as a positive and thought I would enjoy that positive aspect. I disagree about there being ANYTHING positive, but even if there were, it would ABSOLUTELY have been overshadowed by every thing else. What do you think I should do? I've already communicated with her how I feel. I truly don't want to travel the great distance to see her tomorrow. I feel that I have nothing to say to her and I'd rather stay at home, lounging.

I'm trying to understand what happened & I don't think I'm feeling very successful.

That said, since your first sentence states that you have a tendency to be highly emotional and overreact, and since it sounds like you're currently triggered.... I'd say this is worth discussing with your T, and yes your reaction may be a little too strong. I think your previous posts have always indicated a strong bond w/your T.

She can make a mistake and still "know" you and have your best interests at heart.

Thanks for the response and sorry for the confusion. My T told me to watch something after she watched it, that I would enjoy it.

Sometimes people see things differently. Sometimes people just have brain farts. It is fine to be upset about the activity, but to say she must not know you at all would probably be an overreaction. It doesn't at all sound like she set out to hurt you. She seemed to have a positive thought/goal in mind for the activity, though clearly she missed the mark. Let her know your reaction, but try not to let your reaction blow her mistake into a major rupture and deem her uncaring or horrible in some way. Remember the WHOLE T rather than making this one incident into the whole T.

Well in therapy nothing is wasted. Of course go back and tell her exactly how you feel about it all, and I bet next time she ever offers you a suggestion you will now stop and ask more about it before you watch/read/get involved.

If your other concern is that she really doesn't know you that too needs to be explored more, it might be that she is inadequate, but you don't know that for sure just yet. Go back, talk about it and then decide.

Sounds like she screwed up. Can she give you more time tomorrow, so you at least get more out of your traveling time? When my T screwed up, he gave me some free time. I don't think this is minor. She needs to own up - she needs to get it. You have every right to your anger. But I would act on it, ie talk to her, be there, terminate if you have to - rather than be passive and helpless about it. Underreacting would be as bad as overreacting?

YES! Underreacting is as bad. She usually doubles my session when I see her and we almost always go over otherwise. She did screw up, and it might seem minor. But these issues are things we talk about ALL the time, more than anything else.

Also, she recently screwed up on something else and didn't understand why I was upset. She thought for another reason.

And just a few days ago she admitted to being wrong about some advice she gave me every time I said I wanted to do something; she couldn't get why I wanted to do it or how it could help. After reading some stuff by another T, i decided my way was better and did it. When I told her about it, she admitted that I had been right.

In the past I have considered that she might not be the most skilled T but I am sooooo attached to her.

Its hard (boarding on impossible) to judge your reactions.
We don't know how badly she screwed up. For example if my T recommend me to watch Lolita. I too would feel that he doesn't know me at all and has spent 4 years ignoring me. That, for me, would be a reason to start to doubt our relationship and possibly terminate, if he didn't offer some pretty good explanation or apology.

Anyway I think you should go back and talk to her about it. I am not a big fan of terminating without explanation and some closure.

Plus being attached to your T is a good thing. Part of the whole therapeutic process- I have read up on it cause I hate and am afraid of being attached to someone.

My T has gotten a lot "smarter" since I started reacting more. When we had our rupture, I was like, really? this is who you are? this could be a problem. I don't know if I said it THAT directly, but I do know I called him up and said, "why didn't you call me? what's wrong with you? what were you thinking?" and as harsh as I sound on PC sometimes (in writing), that is NOT ME talking to a T or anyone. I would REALLY encourage you to use this as an opportunity to talk about the issues? Because that's what I did - how it made me doubt what I was doing, my r/s with T, was about as bad as the material itself, but it's all tied up together. I even talked to my previous T about whether this "marriage" could be saved. It really shook my trust and faith in him. But it was fixable. And a LOT of good came out of it. So - it can go either way, depends on the people, I guess. T's ARE just people.

I'm sure she'll want to talk about it and I'm not opposed. I just don't understand how she could recommend such a thing! She couldn't have been thinking or she doesn't know and understand me. I'm over being triggered. It's the shock and confusion that overwhelm me now.

Im trying to be reasonable and rational here but I have NO desire to see T tomorrow. I dont want to sit next to her for so long. I don't really want to discuss the fact that she isn't the T i thought she was.

It's true. The more I've reacted to things she said/did that was horrendously unhelpful, the more she "learned" about me. She's starting to become really skilled on how to handle me.

This keeps coming out in a lot of posts here lately...and it's the truth. We have a tendency to place our T's on a pedestal and they are just as likely to make mistakes as the rest of us. I mentioned to T yesterday that there was a time it seemed that she really wanted me to know we are professional equals, despite the fact she's a master's level LPC and I'm a bachelor's level case manager. She said, "I kept saying it because it's the truth. Just because I have one more degree than you doesn't make me more important than you. All it does is give me the right to take the test to get my licence and work in private practice. You've worked in the mental health field longer than I have and you're obviously an expert. Your boss tailored you a new job to keep you from being bored. You're that good. We are just people and we do well sometimes and make mistakes sometimes."

She's right. One thing my boss has taught me is that when it comes down to it everyone; educated or uneducated; mentally ill or healthy; intellectually disabled or genius; black, white, or green ; tall or short; fat or skinny; man or woman; gay or straight...is human...deserves happiness...the life they desire to live...and most of all...respect.

I'll will step off my soapbox now and stop hijacking this thread.

If you don't react the T will never realize there is a problem. I think you stated it beautifully---" I feel you don't know me" will encourage her to learn in a hurry what she's getting all wrong. She sounds caring, just temporarily clueless. Talking though it can bring you closer.

i'm sorry she suggested something that was so triggery and that also showed there are big parts of you that either she doesn't know or wasn't thinking of when she suggested the movie ...... it also makes it hard when it is SUCH a long way for you to go there and such a big trip to make for someone you are questioning .... but, i think for you when you prefer doing things in person you really need to go there and talk to her and explain again your concerns and fears about her lack of understanding .. and be open to hearing what she says i know you don't want to do that; but what's the alternative? sitting home, not going and worrying and wondering and making yourself miserable there instead? neither sounds much fun but hopefully the going will be more help