holding onto the connection

i have a hard time staying connected to my t between sessions... i always feel a piece of me is missing and i panic about the distance between us. i mentioned this to her before, and she said that she hopes i 'carry her with me' during the week. wtf. that's not my point. i don't need her 'insights' or anything like that... it's not that i miss having guidance... i miss HER.

how does everyone deal with the 'in between'? i feel like i am looking for excuses to email her just to get a response to know that she's 'still there.' is that strange? within 12 hours of my session, it feels like it's been two years since i've seen her. it's like i need a reality check to know she's still there, but i don't know what that means, exactly. i don't want to 'check in' or anything like that, because it's not like i NEED her... i just want to know she's there. i just want to connect. but i refuse to ask her if it's okay to send stupid random emails just for the sake of making sure she's still around. what other ways can i deal with this? i hate the in-between... so much.

From reading other posts on this forum and others, it's definitely not strange. A lot of people miss their T's between appointments. I know I definitely do.

Knowing that there's someone there for us, who cares about us, is kind of intoxicating, and I think it's natural to want to make sure that relationship is still intact, especially when it's so important to us.

How do I deal with the in between? It's rough sometimes. I journal a lot, I write letters to him (that I don't send), I have conversations with him in my head, I spend time on forums like this one, and doing research about the therapy process and mental health in general. Basically, I distract myself.

I also think it helps to take it one day at a time. Instead of thinking "Oh no, I have 5 days before I see him again," I just focus on getting through each day, each hour. It makes time go faster.

Your suggestion of sending "stupid, random emails" made me laugh . It's a good idea though I think. Eh, if you could ask your t something like that, you're braver than me. The idea is to always tell them this stuff though I guess, right? I do the same stuff InTherapy said. Post on here constantly and journal. Good luck with it!

I feel the same way so I email her a lot. She doesn't mind because our agreement is that she never emails me back unless it's a question about scheduling. So I feel free to write about the session, sort out my feelings, or write about my day! It helps me feel connected even without getting a response back. I also post a lot on here, and think about my T or read over my emails to her and the emails I have from when she did email back, last year.

If you feel like you need to know your T is there, you want responses. I don't think any T would answer your emails every day though. I always worry that something will happen to my T during the week but I just have to trust that she's there and is all right.

I know what you mean that you miss HER. I used to tell my T that I wish we were kangeroos so that I could be the baby and live in her pouch! It takes time to feel like she's there with you. What about asking for something of hers to keep with you? Will she do that for you? Something small, I mean? That's called a transitional object and is helpful for many. I know it's hard!!!!

Send T a knock knock joke by email. Everyone has to answer a knock knock joke, right?

knock knock
who's there?
Ivana
Ivana who?
IvanaseeyoueverydaybecauseImissyousomuchwhywon'tyoutakemehomeandadoptme?

I guess this would only work once. Use wisely!!

In all seriousness I either email, call or if I know in advance I'm going to have a bad week I ask if he'll lend me a book--usually he picks something meaningful for me at the time. I read it and and share w/him next session. My T has a book club of 2 people!

I basically do the stupid random email thing
Luckily my T seems to be okay with it. So far!

I struggle with the same thing. Often, I will email my t and ask "you are there" and she will email back "Yes, I'm here." and it helps a lot.

Labelling wanting to send emails to connect stupid is part of the problem. I use to do it. Took a long time to be ok with myself doing it. But if its something that needing to do to get to a place where eventually I wouldn't need to then I did it. And yes now I don't need too. And having her insights in my mind is all part of holding onto her.its like when a young baby crys when mother is out of sight then smiles again when she reappears. Why with hold that chance to smile again?

I've emailed T and asked him to tell me that he hadn't grown horns, fangs, & a tail since the last time I saw him.

First line of his email was No horns, fangs, or tail.

I joked with my T that he needs to develop a therapy app for the iPhone (featuring him, of course). If that ever actually happened, I would probably sleep with my phone.

Well I have a college campus T...and when im on campus..I like to sit in the bulding thats next to the "T building" lol...
makes me feel connected. I have kindergarten way of looking at things.

...I really like to believe she sits in that office alllllll day and thats her house......
She also says calls and emails are ok...even though i almost never use em...its nice to think that they are "ok"

I am the same way!! I wish i knew how to hold onto her inbetween session too cuz it is so hard.

It's lovely to see you so comfortable with "being small". That's something I have long had trouble with.

What you are feeling is true for a lot of people on here, so no, it isn't strange. Although I suspect you will feel vulnerable doing this, I think that it would be a good idea for you to tell your T what you've told us and ask her what you can do about it. Let us know how it goes!

Well heck! I thought I was the only one with the "In-Betweens" I'm totally lucky in that my therapist is pretty good about answering my emails. She also has a relaxation mp3 which she did, I just listen to it to hear her voice. It's weird because I see my T once a week, and it's almost like wondering if she exists outside the office!

Im comforitable with it sometimes because I ...really sometimes dont notice it all the time...(until someone notices...like..my T noticed it once..) and then im like "o crap!"

xD but ive been more aware of it now.

I hold on to things in childish ways, cuz ..i dont really know how adults connect..they dont seem to connect at all to me...they just avoid stuff..(even though im technically an adult)