What do you want most your therapist to say to you?

From T [someday]: You're done! But, I'll love you forever and we're going camping next week.

From my mother: I was totally wrong, your sister is ***** and her husband is an *** and I've kicked them out, and here's your stuff.

From my husband: I am on your side. I will help you and protect you. And I'm cool with you going camping with your T next week.

I can't think of one thing in particular I'd want to hear, but there have been several occasions when T has said something and I've thought, "wow, I really needed to hear that today." The one that has really stuck with me is:

"Is there anything I can do right now to make this easier." I was really struggling with sharing some thoughts. T just making that offer made it easier.

Can I go too? I got a new tent for Christmas!

There isn't anything I can think of that I go to my T hoping to hear. Mine does have a way of saying something nearly every session that provokes me, though, in a beneficial way. For example, last session:

I'd had an argument with friends, and after describing the situation he replied that, "Nine out of ten judges would come down in your favor..."

All the way home my mind was on the tenth judge. Why the holdout? I had failed to give my friends some information which they needed to have. Without it, the argument shifted in their favor.

Had T not phrased the response as he had, I might not have remembered that omitted data.

When I asked him later, he couldn't pinpoint it--just that I didn't seem fully convinced myself.

So what I want from my T to say to me is what he's reading from me.

that she found a way that it will work.

That would be one of the things I would love to hear from people as well. I've learned that I only have value when I accomplish things...I'd like to feel like I have value for just existing.

From my parents: I love you.
From my XH: I'm sorry.
From my T: From now on there will be no charge.

ah yes, great one!

Even better:
"I just love you too much to charge you anymore. From now on I'm going to start paying YOU for the privilege of getting to talk to you and learn from you each week!"

IF, not when... they're still waiting! "Approval is conditional in our family; acceptance, impossible." How's that for a family mission statement? Put that on your coat of arms and smoke it! I shall embroider it on a sampler some cold long and lonely winter.

I told T today, I like how i've been using my session time lately. He answered, yes, we go from extreme humor to extreme depth (or something like that). is true. What I meant tho is that I have found a way NOT to click off when I start having feelings - today he came and sat next next to me, and I asked him to talk to me, then I joined in the conversation, and we went back and forth "refining" the idea of how mother was always the winner, and if I gained anything, she would take it away from me, so just surviving is winning, but it's also losing. Things change, the more I admit how afraid I am/was of the mother, and there have been 2 major admissions so far, and we talked about those. Those might become a thread as they develop.

Hey, we DID have this question before - I remember because my answer was I want my T to tell me I have great abs! (that would mean they were actually discernible other than by xray or exploratory surgery )

From either (or both, but that might be unrealistic) of my teenage daughters: "I love you Mom"[/quote]

This will come in time. I am 26 and I said this to Mum the other day. We were just watching tv and i looked over and said "I love you mum". She looked over with a shocked look on her face and said "Thanks". I was like "oh do I not say that enough to you?" and she replied "You don't ever say that to me". She's right I don't.

But my point is that in time I am sure your kids will tell you how they feel, but you might have to wait until they are not teenagers :-)

I once told T1 exactly this. She seemed so surprised that I doubted she'd ever had that request before. Rainbow, be careful what you wish for.

From t: Peaches, I care about you deeply. You've affected my life in many ways. We can't ever be friends, but we can stay in contact with one another indefinitely, for as long as it is helpful to you."

From mom: Peaches, I know your dad and I made alot of mistakes when raising you. I'm sorry it has hurt you. I'd like to have a better relationship now.

From dad: Peaches, I'm sorry I've always been so critical toward you. I realize now what a special person you really are.

I want my T to say how sorry she is for being insensitive to my feelings...for saying things she knows aren't good for healing.

At the end of session: "Do you have anywhere to be?" "Nope." "Okay then, shall I tell you about the time I ...[fascinating life story]?"

What? I'm sick of talking about me! Her life sounds so much more interesting. I'd like to know how she got to be where she is, how she got to be who she is. I love hearing people's stories.

[quote=rainbow8;2248881]From T: I also wish she could say something that would make me cry, something that would touch me so much that I would finally be able to let go of my inhibitions about crying in therapy.

I know how you feel Rainbow. I've been with my T for six years and have never cried in his presence. I hardly ever, if ever, cry in real life too. I feel like it would be such a relief if it would happen. My emotions feel so strangled sometimes - I get a lump in my throat, my chest tightens up but that's as far as it goes.

I learned not to show my feelings as a child so I guess it goes back to that. Wish I knew the answer

What do I want my T to say to me? He's already told me "I care about you", "I respect you" and "I enjoy working with you" among other things, so not sure what else I would want to hear. I talk about school a lot so maybe "I think you'll be a good therapist" would be nice. Other than that, he pretty much says what I need to hear.

I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry when I read this hankster. It's funny when you say it like that, but sad that so many of us have experienced it.
Can I steal it to tell my T?

yes, this looks familiar. thanks Peaches!

Sure! Maybe it can be a stitchery kit we sell on PC!

This will come in time. I am 26 and I said this to Mum the other day. We were just watching tv and i looked over and said "I love you mum". She looked over with a shocked look on her face and said "Thanks". I was like "oh do I not say that enough to you?" and she replied "You don't ever say that to me". She's right I don't.

But my point is that in time I am sure your kids will tell you how they feel, but you might have to wait until they are not teenagers :-)[/QUOTE]

Thank you for this greengrasshopper. I hope somewhere underneath the way they act towards me that they really do have positive feelings!

From my Mum: I'm proud of you.

I don't think T has ever said this either, but I sense it. Should I ask or is that a bad move?

From what you say, of course, she's proud. But it would feel wonderful to hear her say it.

I love you.
I will hold you for as long as you want.
I think of you like a daughter.
I'm proud of you.
I will always be here for you.
Nothing you could say would ever scare me away.

For sure!

I love you.