[estranged]

Since there's no way I'm going to be saved or even helped I don't find any point in keep going to the psychiatrist. I'm thinking of acting like I'm fine cause I have realised that I'm totally fine killing myself.

[likewater]

You need to call 911 or go to nearest er NOW. that's the rules. No if ands or buts. You are too precious,and you are triggering people here. We need to know you are safe ASAP. Hugs to you. You are lovable, you deserve to live. I'm sorry you are in so much pain.get help IMMEDIATELY. (((Estranged)))

[estranged]

thanks for caring but don't worry, I wont kill myself today. What I meant is "killing myself" with my actions. The way I live, it's a slow death, there's just no point in it. Even the good stuff don't matter anymore. I'm suffering here, it's a living hell

I'm sorry you're suffering. How long have you been in therapy and do you feel like it has helped you at all? I think discussing this with your therapist would be a good start to helping you.

[estranged]

I've been 4 months in therapy but I don't feel like it has hepled me. I've thought of discussing it with my therapist but I feel bad about telling her. :$

[mcl6136]

Well four months is a start and I am glad you are doing that...but it is also not all that long. Sometimes there is a big lag time between starting and seeing results.

But I agree that those of us on this board take these things very seriously and we should and honestly, I am glad that others are replying but your original note had me a bit freaked....my own situation feels a bit dicey lately, so it kinda jammed my channels when I saw killing myself...and now you explain "with your actions" and frankly that seems like a distinction without a difference. I guess what I would like to say is please reach out and explain exactly where you are at with your T. Be explicit as possible. reach out to a helpline if needed. And keep posting here. But do not turn inward at this important time, even if turning inward seems like the best thing to do. You will find support here.....hang in there...things can turn around but sometimes it does take time. Blessings to you, MCL

[estranged]

what I meant with "my actions" is smoking, drinking, self-harm, taking pills (rarely). I know it sounds bad and I'm ashamed of it but...
I see my T once a week and well...what can I say...She's nice and I like but as I see it, we talk about things not that important and I can't control it cause I get lost in the conversation. Also, I don't feel okay talking about my real feelings towards suicide cause she had told me before that I may have to stay in a clinic for some time if I go on like this.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by estranged

we talk about things not that important and I can't control it cause I get lost in the conversation. Also, I don't feel okay talking about my real feelings towards suicide cause she had told me before that I may have to stay in a clinic for some time if I go on like this.

These would be good things to tell your T ^.

[estranged]

Originally Posted by Sannah

These would be good things to tell your T ^.

that i don't find the things we talk about important? It may sound stupid but I can't tell her. I would feel bad :$

[kitten16]

Therapy is ALL ABOUT going through the bad feelings with someone you can do it with safely.

That's the WHOLE POINT of therapy!

So tell your T this stuff, even though it feels bad. Otherwise there's no point in being there, as you've begun to realize.

Tell her these things, and then let us know what happened. That kind of support is what the forum is for

Originally Posted by estranged

that i don't find the things we talk about important? It may sound stupid but I can't tell her. I would feel bad :$

[estranged]

Originally Posted by kitten16

Therapy is ALL ABOUT going through the bad feelings with someone you can do it with safely.

That's the WHOLE POINT of therapy!

So tell your T this stuff, even though it feels bad. Otherwise there's no point in being there, as you've begun to realize.

Tell her these things, and then let us know what happened. That kind of support is what the forum is for

Thanks, I'll go again tommorow and I'll let you know what happened

[estranged]

i went today and not much happened...she gave me a jel for my wounds...

[Sannah]

Did you tell your T those things?

[estranged]

this time we talked about stuff that really bothered me so I didn't have to.