[lostmyway21]

I got a new iPhone yesterday, and I added some new applications today. I added a photo app, because I love photo's and it had the option to add contacts, so I hit yes. Whatever no biggie right? Wrong!!!! I didn't realize it would look up cell numbers too. Guess who's in my cell phone? Yes ofc T! Now I ended up seeing a picture of his little girl, (who is beautiful) but it's triggering the heck out of inner child issues that I'm struggling with right now. I'm shaking and freaking out and panicking. I want to call T but I can't explain this right now. Omgg. This was so unintentional, just my luck.

[SoupDragon]

Hi Lostmyway - wow I can imagine that this must feel difficult right now, especially as the person we look towards when we are triggered is T, yet your T is part of this.

I think if you could find a way of talking with your T about this, he would help you through.

Otherwise have you tried the grounding stuff?

Take care - Soup

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

Hi Lostmyway - wow I can imagine that this must feel difficult right now, especially as the person we look towards when we are triggered is T, yet your T is part of this.

I think if you could find a way of talking with your T about this, he would help you through.

Otherwise have you tried the grounding stuff?

Take care - Soup

I'm in total panic. I called but he's in session. Probably best idk what to say.

[WePow]

This site I keep bookmarked. It has some great grounding tools.

http://drkathleenyoung.wordpress.com...ng-techniques/

and another:
http://mysteryicebengals.tripod.com/id38.htm

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by WePow

This site I keep bookmarked. It has some great grounding tools.

http://drkathleenyoung.wordpress.com...ng-techniques/

Oh my god. I completely lost it on my therapist. In three rage filled emails. At least he knows what happened now. I am so NOT going to therapy tomorrow.

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by lostmyway21

Oh my god. I completely lost it on my therapist. In three rage filled emails. At least he knows what happened now. I am so NOT going to therapy tomorrow.

(((lostmyway))) - I am glad that you were able to let your T know what is going on and I really hope there is even a tiny bit of you that can get you to your session tomorrow. T's know how to help us deal with things when we are triggered.

Soup

He'll be understanding I"m sure. Please don't be so hard on yourself and do go to therapy.

I would kind of freak out if I were in the same position. I have always been glad my therapist has grown sons. I don't know how I would handle it if he had girls, especially a little girl.

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by roseleigh7

He'll be understanding I"m sure. Please don't be so hard on yourself and do go to therapy.

I would kind of freak out if I were in the same position. I have always been glad my therapist has grown sons. I don't know how I would handle it if he had girls, especially a little girl.

Yeah I knew he had a kid. Not a little girl. I'm sure he was understanding for the first and second email, but by the third it just became hateful. I can't go now.

[shoez]

Originally Posted by lostmyway21

Yeah I knew he had a kid. Not a little girl. I'm sure he was understanding for the first and second email, but by the third it just became hateful. I can't go now.

oh lost my way, im sure T will see that you were triggered, and that this touched on something inside that just hurt you deeply. T's I think, know how to see through emotions and it will help him see where this is coming from, depending on what was written, it will only help T see you clearer...T's dont see things the way regular people see them....I want to encourage you to go to your session, it might help you both work this out...but of course, if you feel that you just need a break and want to skip the session...its up to you , anything you feel that would help you deal with this best.

Dont be too hard on yourself

My T let me say I felt like punching his wife in the face. LOL. He didn't act that was totally weird.

Your T already knew that you were having an issue with this. He will know why you are so triggered, and I am sure that he knows that the third e-mail is a result of that. Unless you somehow threatened his child, I'm sure he's fine with whatever was in the e-mail, and you guys can talk about it.

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

My T let me say I felt like punching his wife in the face. LOL. He didn't act that was totally weird.

Your T already knew that you were having an issue with this. He will know why you are so triggered, and I am sure that he knows that the third e-mail is a result of that. Unless you somehow threatened his child, I'm sure he's fine with whatever was in the e-mail, and you guys can talk about it.

Oh gosh no. She's as cute as can be. I just told him how much I didn't like him in the third one.

Originally Posted by lostmyway21

Oh gosh no. She's as cute as can be. I just told him how much I didn't like him in the third one.

Well, there you go. My T has indicated I can say anything about HIM that I like, and we can discuss it. Going to therapy tomorrow is still totally doable.

[lostmyway21]

Oh my T is a whitty one indeed. He let me get all my triggered emails off and calm down, before emailing me back asking how it all happened, and letting me know that he understands.

[WePow]

Yeah, a good T is like that :-) They let us vent and then they give a response when we are ready and able to hear what they say. You are doing just fine. My T also lets me send all the emails I want. He only replies when he wants to and when he has something he needs to tell me. If that is the case with you, keep using that tool to process through all these emotions. If your T says he understands, than that is the case.

I am so thankful for a T who has the ability to let a client work through things that way and use email as a limited tool or extension of therapy. Therapy does not happen for one hour a week. For a client trying to heal, it is 24/7. Processing doesn't stop.

So keep on working through this trigger and you will find the root. Be honest about it with yourself and your T.

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by WePow

Yeah, a good T is like that :-) They let us vent and then they give a response when we are ready and able to hear what they say. You are doing just fine. My T also lets me send all the emails I want. He only replies when he wants to and when he has something he needs to tell me. If that is the case with you, keep using that tool to process through all these emotions. If your T says he understands, than that is the case.

I am so thankful for a T who has the ability to let a client work through things that way and use email as a limited tool or extension of therapy. Therapy does not happen for one hour a week. For a client trying to heal, it is 24/7. Processing doesn't stop.

So keep on working through this trigger and you will find the root. Be honest about it with yourself and your T.

That is exactly what my T does. He knows once I calm down, he will get a email saying I'm sorry, and then he can say something productive. He lets me get off what ever I need to in email. If he didnt i would impolde between sessions. It kind of provoked me when this all started though. He told me to use the iCBT app we use, and I told him to shove cbt. I generally use that a lot to process emotions, but I was to worked up I guess he just didn't realize. I needed HIM. He likes when I use it though, he says it helps him understand what I'm going through much better. Tomorrow should be interesting I'm sure this is going to be a topic of discussion.

His first reply was, you know I understand. Um yeah definitely not...not after I told you how much I hated therapy, and you, and there should be a warning label on therapy.

[granite1]

i'm sorry you are so triggered about this.has he contacted you yet.i was just wondering why is this so triggering to you?

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by granite1

i'm sorry you are so triggered about this.has he contacted you yet.i was just wondering why is this so triggering to you?

I have major inner child issues. I'm guessing transference? I see him as father figure. Which he said is fine as long as I know he is not really my dad. He said its perfectly understanable because he is creating something no one could ever give me before. A safe parent. Seeing his little girl, triggered me intensely, I couldn't handle it. He did respond, he said "you know I understand." I have my appt tomorrow morning anyway.

[granite1]

wow it must be so nice and so hard at the same time to be so close to your T.i guess when i lived with my councler i had a hard time sharing her with her other daughter.i bet it is like the same thing

[SoupDragon]

If we could deal with all life's experiences in a calm controlled, or not overwhelmed way we would have no need to be seeing a T - they are there to help us through these times and not despite them.

[ChristineEsq]

[QUOTE=SoupDragon;2256529 T's know how to help us deal with things when we are triggered.[/QUOTE]

Ideally...

[granite1]

hey lostmyway how are you doing today?are you going to see your T today .just wanted to say i'n thinking of you

[lostmyway21]

Hey granite thanks! yes I'm omw to see him right now. I'm really nervous. I have no idea how this session is going to go. I'm really drained today. I haven't had a panic attack that bad in over two years. I didn't realize how incredibly bad it was until today.

[lostmyway21]

My session was SO intense. My T insists it was an awesome session. He pushed me harder than ever before. At one point he even said he was having fun. He sure beat my stubbornness today. Once I process it a bit. I'll come back and post about what happened. I cried, I shutdown deeply, I shared my biggest fears, and I had an anxiety attack, we argued, and I laughed with him all in one session. I love my T.

[lostmyway21]

I apologize in advance if this is long. Just helps me process to get it out.

So T started the session bringing up my emails. He said that it was too much. He still wants me to email but he wants me to go back to my one daily email. Okay, within two minutes I was in total shutdown. He was like NO way, you just got here! He wanted to know why I was upset and shutdown, because I obviously was having the wrong thoughts and he wanted to change them. He pushed me through it, as much as I did NOT want to talk about it. I said I thought he was mad at me. He made me replay what happened totally over again. Like what I heard him say vs what he actually said. Which was awesome, because I hear things wrong. Then he yelled at me for not listening, because I was figitedty and playing with my phone, and hiding in my coat. I yelled back that I was and I always think he's mad, todays not special. So we talked about how he has to work on making sure I realize that he is never angry or upset. He said he came at me hard today to control impulses and work at it cognitively.

Next he was like " so how did you get the picture" I was like omg can we not do this right now? BUT oh yes we definitly went there... Right away I felt sick to my stomach, and shaky, and anxious. He asked why it upset me. Why I was mad? And I retreated to the safety of my hoodie and coat. I told him I wasn't mad I was upset. He asked if it was because it was bad when I was a little little kid? And I nodded yes. He asked if it was why I only reacted that way to his kids picture and I couldn't say. He asked if I wished I had a better upbringing? And I said yes. He said I HAD to answer why I was triggered to his kid in particular. I asked him to help me get it out, and he did. HE asked if it was something he represented, and then he said yes it is, then just wanted me to answer what he represents to me. Then I went into super major shutdown. I felt like I was going to pass out right there. I said "you represent....(and then I cried my eyes out). He reassured me at that point, not to be afraid. He told me I had to get it out, he had to know what I was thinking to help me. Then I said it. "You represet the safe caring parent I didn't have." oh my goodness it was so hard. He said he wants me to use that, that it was a good thing, and it can help me develop all my future healthy relationships.

He said we worked on my true real feelings. He said that we had a good session, that pushing me helped get them out, and he liked seeing them. At the end he moved me back into talking about school, and easier stuff like ways to cope with self harm feelings, and goals for the week. I joked that he was to positive, and he came back that I was too negative. He was like there we will put you in the middle. Then at the end he was like oh yeah I can't see next week. as he smiled and said jk'ing. Silly T. I feel so drained. It was so intense. He was so caring and helpful and present and THERE for me.

[GoodPoint]

Glad you had what sounds like a very productive (albeit difficult) session. I'm curious too about how you found the picture. I know nothing about iphones (I have a droid), but is this a feature that somehow looks up pictures of the people stored in your phone? Where are the pictures from-- the internet? Or does it just show a picture that the person has attached themselves to go along with their cell number? I'm curious because my T has an iphone and I'm now wondering if she is somehow seeing pics of me...

Anyway, I totally get feeling triggered by the picture. I would be too. Glad you got to talk about it.