[WantingtoHeal]

What is your experience with being able to contact your therapist outside of sessions?

This new therapist I'm seeing gave me a convoluted answer last week when I asked her about contact outside of sessions. She said to call her direct number - to her office (where I would leave a voice mail if she didn't answer). She said, "However, I do groups in the morning and will be seeing individuals in the afternoons." On the weekends, I am to use a specific emergency number to the hospital unit. I asked her about email and she said she doesn't check her email. So, couldn't she have just been direct and said no contact outside of sessions? I just kind of stared at her and she didn't offer any other suggestions. So I didn't push it. I have no idea about weekday evenings. She's probably gone by 5.

Should they be available to us? I guess this varies by therapist.

I really wish she was available, but I wonder if she's afraid of me contacting her too much. I recently pushed for 2 sessions a week and that seemed to take several conversations with several people before getting a direct answer on that.

I saw one counselor there at this place and am no longer seeing her - she seemed squirrelly. I left her a voice mail one time to tell her that she needed clear strong boundaries to be able to handle me and that if she didn't, I didn't need to be her client. She had tried to "save" me in a Christian sort of way and I didn't like it at all. Needless to say, she sent me to this counselor I'm seeing now.

I just worry about getting good treatment and trusting that people know what they're doing. I also really want to be able to contact her outside of sessions.

All therapists have different boundaries. Some prefer to be done at the end of their day, and not be on after hours crisis work. Clients are provided their session time, a direct line to leave messages, and the therapist may or may not follow up after that message or they may wait til your scheduled appointment.

Just as therapists direct clients to use self care, they do too and sometimes that requires they have such boundaries to take care of themselves.

yup..everyone is different. some have families, some have social lives..some just like their patients to try & manage on their own..etc.

i never asked about the option for e-mailing my t...but i doubt if she allows it. i doubt if i would ever do it even if she did...just seems like too many things can get misconstrued. i can call her office & leave a message on her machine which she checks during hours & sometimes at night. if it is an emergency there is a crisis # where another t is on duty...they will try & reach mine or handle it if they can not.

i believe i have called the crisis t maybe 3 times or4...in about 5 years. always for something very serious.(like death of a friend by suicide, or my own suicidal urges). most times i will call & leave a message & wait for her to get back to me.

i don't expect her to be on duty 24/7...that leads to major burn out. nor do i expect an immediate answer...if it is something that critical i need to use the crisis line or go to the er.

[Bella01]

To reach my t I only have to call during business hours. He calls me back at some point during the day. If it's after work I have to call the pdoc who's on call. They are students who answer the phone.

I don't get to email my t. He does have a life and other clients. The only time I contact t is if I'm really in trouble. He then tells me what to do. (hospital,ect)

[sunrise]

My T has an emergency number for clients to call if they are in crisis. Does your T have that?

I email or call my T to cancel or reschedule appointments. I have rarely called for other reasons. If it's not an emergency, it can wait until the next session. Recently, I had an issue come up that I needed his advice on before our next session because what I wanted to talk with about was an event that was going to occur before I saw him next. He was very gracious about agreeing to talk with me by phone. We must have talked at least 10 minutes! It was so useful but an unusual situation.

One thing to consider is why you need to be able to talk to your T between sessions. If you are in crisis, you need a crisis number to call and should definitely make use of it. If it's not a crisis, then I think this is a good thing to discuss with your T in session. Maybe in therapy you could work on coping skills you could use so you have alternatives to calling your T for non-crises.

There are some types of therapy where the T is always available to the client by phone--DBT comes to mind. So if you need frequent phone contact, that might be another option to look at.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Every T has different feelings around contact outside of sessions. My first two T's did not encourage it, and the only way to contact them was via their office phone number. I did not feel at all welcome to contact them for anything other than scheduling changes.

My current T strongly encourages me to reach out to her, via email or phone. Both methods of contact were her suggestions to me. It didn't occur to me that I could reach out between sessions until she asked me to do so. I try to respect her time, and only call if it's urgent. I tend to email no more than once a week, but it's usually just me processing things, and doesn't require an indepth response from my T. I only increase my contact when my T asks me to (when I was really struggling, she asked for a daily check in email).

My therapist has an answering service who will either connect me with an emergency on-call therapist (which I've never done), or put me into his confidential voice mail. There is a part-time receptionist sometimes during business hours, and when she is in the office I have to leave a message with her.

My experience with calling has ranged from him just taking my call right that minute (when I called and got the receptionist) to getting a call back several days later (when I called and got the receptionist but she forgot to give him the message until she was back in the office several days later). When leaving a message with the voice mail, my T usually calls back within a few hours. Although he has called back before within 10 minutes, and once waited until half way through the next day. I'm not sure if the difference is how upset I sound (or don't sound) or whether it's just about his schedule.

My T doesn't allow e-mail or text messaging (with me, at least).

[Mike_J]

I don't have any way to contact my therapist outside of our regular visits. I can call her office and reschedule or try to get in for an extra appointment but that is all. I wish I had more access to her, but then again knowing that I don't keeps me from worrying "should I call her" when I feel the need, knowing I can't takes away one thing for me to stress over. I have to understand that she has a life and can't live and breath my issues, and be there for me 24/7 because if she was there for me 24/7 she would have to be there for the rest of her patients and all too soon she would be too exhausted to be of help to anyone. So I will take the lack of contact, even though I don't like it.

It's great that you brought this question up! Though, it sure does seem like she gave you a convoluted answer that is perhaps giving you the message not to call. I would definitely re-ask your question and pose it more in the sense of "When is it OK to contact you outside of sessions?" Some therapists will say "Only if you are 'in crisis,'" but then you have to agree on a definition of "crisis." Each therapist I've had has been slightly different in his/her rules about email, phone calls, (and with my current one I can text). If it is very important to you to have someone who can be reached outside of sessions, you should let her know this and work on reaching a solution that feels OK to both of you.

Some therapists set limits based on the client--i.e., if he/she feels that it is more damaging for one's particular issues to be able to call/email. However, you are free to disagree with this and perhaps it would be a reason to look for a new T. There is no one right way for contact outside of sessions - it needs to work for BOTH the client and the therapist (sometimes a compromise). My previous T NEVER would call or email me back and it was disastrous and led to panic attacks and compulsive behaviors. But fortunately I found one who does allow interaction outside of sessions and I'm doing much better. Good luck!

[granite1]

the contact out of session i have with my T is very limited i am allowed to call her and she will call me back usually within an hour or less last time i called she called me back in a few min .but i am not allowed to e-mail or text.i am also not allowed to send her snail mail .if i bring a letter in she will not read it unless i read it also

[struggling2]

its never been talked about other than the emergency line for after hours. i wouldnt want email contact with T cause that would defeat the purpose of me being able to be open with feelings out in the open with another person face to face. it would be nice if she had text messaging but only for the sole purpose of getting a surprise text from T that says "ive been thinking about you. hope you're having a good day. cya next week"

other than that i think i more wish i could do 2 sessions a week to speed up this freaking process already!!!

[Chopin99]

When T was having chemo, she wanted me to read something, then email her what I thought about it. That is how email started with us. It was occasional at first, then I took advantage of it. She cut it off. About 3 weeks later, I asked if I could email again. She said yes. Once again, it is occasional, but I don't feel the need to do so very often anymore. She told me very few clients are allowed to email her.

I don't think she gives out her cell # at all. I've heard her tell other clients to call the office if they need her.

[critterlady]

I have called my T a couple of times between scheduled sessions, but it's only been to schedule an extra session. He doesn't really work with me on the phone. He's never given me an email address, so I assume that isn't part of his usual practice. His voicemail message has an emergency number for current clients to call if there's a crisis, but I've never done that.

He completely threw me one time by answering the phone directly - I was totally expecting his machine and had the message I was going to leave all ready in my head. When he answered, I just kind of stammered for a minute.

[stopdog]

I have emailed the one I see, usually as one of the things to stop spiralling out of control from frustration and anger after an appointment. She has never said not to. I usually put it as an attachment she can read or not and I usually say do not respond. I also quit by email but she does not take that seriously. I have told her not to call me or contact me also (in situations where it could be possible) - I like to set boundaries too and to make sure she would stay away if I told her to do so. If you want outside contact, that may be something to put on your checklist when therapist shopping.

[jaxter23]

My T and I actually just had a good discussion about this during my last session. I've tried calling her and I've e-mailed her once and I usually don't get a response. This week she knew I was having a hard time cuz I left her a voicemail and she got an e-mail I sent like 2 weeks ago. She explained her e-mail hadn't been working and she just got it fixed.

My T has always told me to call her if I need her and she said that again this session and I just replied "I'm not really comfortable calling you or e-mailing you cuz you don't tend to respond." She explained that she has had a lot of things come up personally lately, but that she takes her job very seriously and feels like she has a responsibility to her patients to always be available. I thought that was kinda interesting cuz I think that is something that is extremely difficult for anyone to do, but I also feel like a T should do it cuz you never know when something will happen.

So yeah basically my T and I talked and she is having me e-mail her everyday to give her a heads up on how things have been and I can call her if necessary. Oh she also explained that she won't usually respond unless you ask her to call you back. Idk maybe really try and talk to your T and explain what you need and try to work something out. I'm so much more at ease now that I can just e-mail her and we actually talked about it!

My T doesnt do "emergency calls" like call back inbetween sessions. However we text every few days,& i am welcome to email her as much as i need to. She can sometimes write back but shes pretty busy. But it helps a lot to just text/ email to let her know how im doing.

[healed84]

My T does say I can call in between sessions if I need him.. as a matter of fact, when he knew I was going through a rough time he made sure to say I could call him if I needed. He also said, that I can call him after hours as well, but to make sure it is truly urgent. he doesn't do e-mail or texting.

[Elli-Beth]

I have the most awesome T in the world about this! He has a whole boatload of kids, so he's pretty good about protecting his days off as far as no appointments, but I can still do emergency phone calls when I panic, even at odd hours.

[WantingtoHeal]

Thanks everyone for the input. Sounds like everyone here pretty much has limited contact for the most part.

I'm just trying to get this process straight in my head and I think her indirect answer frustrated me.

I do know intellectually that she has a life and can not attend to me 24/7, but the ache/pain in me doesn't seem to realize that. I also know that she has to set boundaries and take care of herself. There's just this part of me that doesn't seem to understand or get it.