Cancelled again :(

my thoughts are no, not going to happen. i have reasons that i dont really feel like sharing, especially right at this time when there's a crisis going on. thanks for understanding.

Yes, absolutely, prayers for T and her family, that god's will will be done & all cared for. Same goes for you.

I'm sooo glad you & the dog stayed together throughout this. The stability there, in that at least, was in the end good for both of you.

And I absolutely promise: I won't say a word about getting a new T. I hear you, SarahMichelle. And I get it. I do. It's okay, I know for you & everyone it's the only right choice.

End of discussion, as far as I'm concerned.

Y'all take care of each other, as much as possible. Ask, if you can, for the help you need. What you can't ask for, someone will try to figure out.

You ARE going to get through this.

Roadie

I am so terribly, terribly sorry that your T had to leave again. It must be near the end for her relative. I'm very sorry for both of you. It must have been hard for her to come back for such a short time and have to go back to another country again.

I understand your wanting to wait for your T and not see anyone else. I think that your strong connection to her will help you get through this awful time. I wish there was more I could do for you other than say I'm sorry.

I am so sorry.

How devastating and heartbreaking! Utterly traumatizing! Sending your many big hugs, SarahMichelle

Thanks for your response, Sarah Michelle. Do keep posting here about it (if okay), we are all interested and want to support you in any way we can.

Oh no! How awful! I'm so sorry. What a terrible thing to happen.

Thank you

I am numb today. Feel paralyzed. Just.... Not a lot of words. Hurt.

I'm so sorry for her absence and the hurt. When might you be able to see her again?

i hurt for you also wow amazing i just hope things are not as long as it was last time

She SAYS she will be gone a few weeks. But thats what she said ladt time & she was gone 6 months.

I hate 1st days of a crisis. Its so hard. And its only the beginning. I cant do this again. Im so tired.

Please remember how urgent it is, when we're in a crisis, to stay in the present, Sarah Michelle. Take deep breaths, and focus on this moment, on being here and now.

This time is this time. It's not a rerun of last time, it's a whole new event. We have no way of knowing what shape it will take. All we know for sure is this: This time will be different from last time.

Sarah Michelle, this is so, so important. You must work very hard on this.

Stay in the Present.
--Take a deep breath. Put both feet on the ground. Feel yourself connected to this place. Focus on being fully present here.
--Take a deep breath. Take another deep breath and exhale slowly. Focus on being present in time, fill this moment with your presence.

This little exercise doesn't take long, but it will help you fight the temptation to mix up this time with last time. Okay? Stay present. Dont let your mind spend any time in the future, because none of that is real.

Take each moment as it comes and not one minute sooner.

Roadie

Thank u
I am feeling pretty lost and alone today
Even my students adked if i was ok

What helps you cope and move forward through your day?

I just try to keep busy. And i read voraciously. And i talk to God a lot.

I wish that I had not opened up and been so vulnerable and honest last Thursday.
It feels like I scared her away (I know that isn't true)... it feels like life is punishing me for opening up and telling one of my worst secrets

What was her reaction when you told her, when you were so vulnerable and honest?

She was awesome. She gave me a long pep talk about how we will have lots of work to do & itll be hard, but shes committed to seeing me thru it even if it takes years. She gave me a long hug that was a big comfort.

Man i miss her

Awwww (SaraMichelle))

I am so sorry about your t having to leave you again. I can not imagine it personally. I know that you are not interested in switching t's and that you did have one or two sessions with an interim before. I remember that it wasn't the greatest fit. However, have you considered trying another one for the time that your t is gone? Of course it wouldn't be the same but it would just be for the time being. When my t is gone, I see his wife and it does help even though she isn't my t. Anyway just a thought. I am glad you still have her puppy dog. I think that would be the ultimate best transition item a person could have. Hug that dog like you have never hugged before.

Thinking of you.

That was a good session to hold on to and remember.

SarahMichelle, i respect your decision to stay with your T, but could you see someone as a sub while she is gone? Hugs if that' s ok.
You are an angel for taking care of her dog.

Need to save my money fOr some important things coming up. I just do not want to try a sub T again.last time was a waste of time, bc it takes me years to build trust enough to talk to anyone.

Feelings are so powerful, even when our knowledge and experience assure us otherwise. You must keep working to keep these false feelings from deceiving you, right? I'm so glad you understand that.

The world we live in is very complex, Sarah Michelle. If there could be no one in it but you and your T, then the world could be simple. But your T has others who need her and demand her presence in their world. It's T's others who have separated the two of you now, nothing else.

I'm glad that you tale with god. Maybe in those talks, god can help you understand what a very complex world you have become part of through your connection with T. This isn't good or bad, it's just ... Complicated.

Roadie

Very true roadie, thanks. I have my moments (rare) of grasping all this. And trying hard to ride this out, not make it more complex than it already is.

I am actually getting bored with reading so much the past 7 months w/out T.
Thinking of trying to get back into my artwork this weekend,& i have a closet to clean out.
Just trying to pass the time.
I feel so alone.