[lbrown1]

I dont know what I am getting out of this relationship, I am supposed to be learning to build trust and have a healthy relationship for the first time with a man. I hate men! and I really dislike the way his eye twitches sometimes. He is judging me im pretty sure of it and That makes me angry and close up. I honestly wanted help. I was open and honest. But I feel like a pay check... and now Im not sure going will do me any good.. I dont know if I could allow him in my bubble.... hmm

[Perna]

I would check out whether he is judging when you think he is, just ask him "what are you thinking right now, I feel like you are judging me?" when you get one of those vibes. It could start a really interesting conversation. Maybe he has a condition that has tics as a symptom and his eye twitches uncontrollably on its own :-)

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by Perna

I would check out whether he is judging when you think he is, just ask him "what are you thinking right now, I feel like you are judging me?" when you get one of those vibes. It could start a really interesting conversation. Maybe he has a condition that has tics as a symptom and his eye twitches uncontrollably on its own :-)

I agree that checking to see if you're on base is a good thing. However, I would say that my T was an EXPERT in deflecting questions about what was going through T's head ....

I would ask:

Why are you smiling?

Raised eyebrow

What's occuring to you....

"No, it's about you...go on."

What's so funny.

"I agree"

This was not as fruitful as it might have seemed when I embarked on the checking.

I'm just sayin'....not every therapist is going to be open to having you shift it to THEIR perceptions. Some of them want you to be open while being closed themselves.

It can be really damaging.

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

I agree that checking to see if you're on base is a good thing. However, I would say that my T was an EXPERT in deflecting questions about what was going through T's head ....

I would ask:

Why are you smiling?

Raised eyebrow

What's occuring to you....

"No, it's about you...go on."

What's so funny.

"I agree"

This was not as fruitful as it might have seemed when I embarked on the checking.

I'm just sayin'....not every therapist is going to be open to having you shift it to THEIR perceptions. Some of them want you to be open while being closed themselves.

It can be really damaging.

Hm interesting. I never notice my T deflecting. I rarely ask him anything, so the few times I ever ask him something direct he always openly answers. I wonder why he chooses not to deflect with me?

[Perna]

I don't see it as deflecting; just keeping the emphasis on us and our thoughts, feelings, and therapy. Being curious about them is natural but it takes our thinking and work off of ourselves which is what we are paying for; we are trying to be open to ourselves and they are just providing the space or opportunity to do that and help keeping us on track.