I have asked before to e-mail my T, and he always wants me to call. But I keep having these horrible nightmares and I am exhausted and I have this headache that just won't quit -- and it's been literally five weeks of this. I am so so so very tired and sick of these nightmares. This morning, I realized I am going to have to tell my therapist about this stuff I have kept secret since forever if I want this crap to stop. But I CANNOT say it out loud. I tried to write it down, and still can't do it. So then I had the great idea of writing it as a story -- as if it happened to someone else -- Once upon a time there was this ugly little girl . . .

So, I called and told him the nightmares are still continuing and I want to e-mail him and then we will talk about it later because I don't think I ever just say it out loud without writing it down first. Then I know he knows and then maybe I can just talk about it. He hasn't called back yet and now I'm concerned I'm annoying him and he's going to be like, "I ALREADY TOLD HER NO, Stupid ***** keeps bothering me." Because that is totally what other people in my life have always done.

[unaluna]

Why can't he can read the document in the office? Why the insistence on him reading email outside of office hours? That may be all he is drawing the line at.

[Perna]

I would work on writing the story to get your mind off whether he has answered you yet; you can't email what you don't have anyway? But it could be that writing the story will help with the nightmares too; often when we "pay attention" to them and work with them in any form, they lighten up because you are paying attention and trying to understand what they have to say and that's enough for them, their "message" of "Pay attention!" is done.

You aren't on any meds that have a side effect of vivid dreams are you? There are several and moderating those could help too if you have a pdoc, discussing that you have nightmares all the time could be solved by him without discussing the topic(s)?

I want him to read it ahead of time so I walk in knowing he knows and still wants to see me. And I don't have to sit there in gut wrenching anxiety watching him read it.

And thanks for that advice Perna. I should do that, but can't seem to make myself yet. I'm not on any medications at all right now, except for a medication for migraines that I just started yesterday. Trying to avoid taking it at work because it seems to make me groggy.

[*doodles*]

(sorry I am a lurker but wanted to chime in)
What about writing it down and giving it to him at the end of session so he can read it before next session? I have done that with T with really hard stuff and it worked out well.

Thanks doodles! That's an idea. I guess I was thinking I just want to get it over with and then talk about it at the next session. If he doesn't respond, I will do that. OR I could mail it to him! Thanks for helping me think of those ideas!

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by *doodles*

(sorry I am a lurker but wanted to chime in)
What about writing it down and giving it to him at the end of session so he can read it before next session? I have done that with T with really hard stuff and it worked out well.

This is a good idea
I have also put something into the snail mail.

[Mike_J]

I mailed my therapist something, it was a draft of a story I was working on and was very frustrated with and was going to delete it, sort of sent it to her for short term safe keeping. Anyway I don't think my therapist really appriciated reciveing it, it caused her some concern for me. I like the idea of giving it to your therapist in person, I can't imagine a therapist not wanting to see you over something that you write about your past.

[likelife]

I hope he gets back to you soon. I think email is a great forum for "getting out" the stuff that is so hard to say face-to-face.

[healed84]

I hope you get what you need from T! Brave of you for wanting to get it all out in the open! Good for you!

[FourRedheads]

I hope your T gets back to you soon.

[wintergirl]

I hope he gets back to you! My T doesn't email, but he was willing to have me send an email to his office assistant and put "confidential T's name" in the subject line, and then the assistant would pass it along to him, and he'd read it and then call me or something.

I was glad that he gave me that option, but it seemed like a lot of trouble and hoops to jump through! I never ended up sending him anything.

[stopdog]

I have sent letters instead of email - it gets it away from me, but does not impose the immediacy on the recipient that email can imply. Also the confidentiality thing is easier for them to handle than with email which is really not that private. The therapist may or may not read your letter before the appointment, but for me, it helps to get it out of me and get it away from me.

He called me back and said e-mail in this case was fine and he thought it was a great idea. He said that I can choose whether he responds by e-mail or phone before the appointment, or waits until the appointment to discuss it with me. He is willing to do whatever I think will help the nightmares stop.

Anyway, I have a page and a half written and haven't even gotten to the really hard part yet. Bleah. Just writing stuff down as a story is sssssoooooo difficult. My childhood really did suck. I didn't even really realize how much until I just started trying to lay out the background of the gross thing I need to talk about. The background that kind of explains what lead up to it. But, that's good I suppose because now I can see this horrible thing about me in context, which really does explain why I didn't protest and just eagerly participated.

[healed84]

So glad T got back to you, and he is letting you e-mail. I hope it helps you out!

[stopdog]

I am glad he got back to you

I sent the first installment. Not sure if it's a good idea or not. ugh. Too late now. Going to take a bath and go to bed and hope that the nightmares stay away tonight. At least the headache is finally gone.