Hi PC-

I've may have mentioned here and there that therapy for me has been rather confusing and very up and down and sideways and backwards. Anyhow, about a month ago my T wanted to read the book "The Buddha And The Borderline. Let me point out that as far as I've been told- I do not have Borderline Personality Disorder. I finally went out last night and purchased the book and started reading it. When my T mentioned the book to me, she said I should read it because It might help me see why I do some of the things that I do. . I've read some of it so far and the more I read the more I am getting angry at my T and have been thinking non-stop about that comment she made. I have real empathy towards the writer-I feel so sad reading her story. But, I am just so lost. I guess I really need to talk to T in detail about why she wanted me to get this book.. I am just so torn with my therapy right now.

[Perna]

Yes, I would talk to T about why she wanted you to read the book. I would be more curious than angry if I didn't see any similarities like she apparently did but I think I'd read the whole book (if it is an okay/interesting read) before I'd give up and think Kiera's thoughts or feelings and actions were not like mine at all and couldn't show me anything.

Thanks for responding Perna, My T appointment is tomorrow and I plan to just talk to T -let it all out. Thank you for the hugs, Just Some Girl and sconnie

[rainbow8]

Good luck with your appointment tomorrow. I've heard of that book and have wanted to read it. I hope your T helps you and gives you an answer about the book.

[mcl6136]

To be totally honest, and this probably reveals a lot about me, I would be more angry than curious.

I'm just sayin'

If it were someone else, I'd be curious...if it were me and my t...I'd probably be pretty cranky. Here's why....I think your therapist could have given a better lead-in than that about a book that is ostensibly about...what...borderline personality disorder?

I would wonder whether t was telling me something in a pretty indirect way that T did not actually lay out in a transparent way that offered me an opportunity to respond.

but I'm feeling extremely ouchy lately, so take all that that with a huge grain of salt.

Originally Posted by mcl6136

I think your therapist could have given a better lead-in than that about a book that is ostensibly about...what...borderline personality disorder?

I would wonder whether t was telling me something in a pretty indirect way that T did not actually lay out in a transparent way that offered me an opportunity to respond.

I would feel the same, mcl. I hope your session goes well tomrrow, TryingToGetBy, and that you and T are able to address your confusion and her reasons for suggesting the book. Will be thinking of you

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

To be totally honest, and this probably reveals a lot about me, I would be more angry than curious.

I would be too, and it probably does with me too.

Thanks everyone for the hugs, Thank you Rainbow for the well wishes. I also wish you luck with your appointment. - I read your thread MCL, I am pretty angry at her. She often has 'Indirect" ways of telling me things. She is never direct and I wish she would be. Like I said, I have real empathy for the writer-her story is touching my heart-from what I am reading-it seems like living with that is quite a struggle. I just know I really need to talk to my T, but the way things have been going lately in therapy-I just don't have a lot of hope that much will get accomplished.

Thank You Improving and StopDog, I plan to let T know I am mad at her.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by TryinToGetBy

I just know I really need to talk to my T, but the way things have been going lately in therapy-I just don't have a lot of hope that much will get accomplished.

I hope she surprises you and is direct this time. It is horrible to have the feeling nothing is getting accomplished with them.

Originally Posted by stopdog

I hope she surprises you and is direct this time. It is horrible to have the feeling nothing is getting accomplished with them.

Thank You.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by TryinToGetBy

She often has 'Indirect" ways of telling me things. She is never direct and I wish she would be.

Call her on it! That's your job. At the moment, say, "Hey! I feel like you are implying X; are you?" That's what you have feelings for, to tell you how you are reacting to the world and help you figure out what questions you want to ask, what you want to know from the other person, etc.

Because the book is about a person diagnosed with BPD, we all have tendencies in all "mental illnesses"; they're all pretty much spectrums. Don't tell me you have never flip flopped in moods or stayed up too many hours, oblivious that you were staying up too many hours, etc. similar to what some with bipolar disorder do; tell me you have never felt down and not wanted to get out of bed, not pushed someone away for spite, not dissociated, arriving at a location/work without remembering how you got there or what you were "thinking" inbetween.

Your T liked the book enough to read it. Your T thought about you when you weren't there in front of her. Those are good things; ferreting out just what the occasion was, what the part of the book was where she thought of you and why, that's the conversation. But that's about her! SHE thought of you. That does not make it about you, for real. Next time you are reading a book, think about what you are thinking about as you read it; does that make the book "about" those thoughts of yours, your associations? No. If T was reading about a serial killer named TryinToGetBy and thought of you, would you be angry? That you get angry about the book being about someone with BPD, is about you, not the book or your T.

Thank You Perna for helping look at it a different way. I just got back from my appointment, a lot got accomplished and I feel very resolved about some things right now. I will post more detail later after I have processed, but things were well, and I feel better about my therapy.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

To be totally honest, and this probably reveals a lot about me, I would be more angry than curious.

Excellent! Any kind of emotional reaction is something we can work with, and the stronger the better.