[mcl6136]

Caution...parts of this are rants, but ultimately, it's helping me to post this, and may actually hit a chord with someone else out there.....

I am three weeks out from the last appointment with terrible T. My real life is going so smoothly that I realize that the therapy itself had created drama that completely sapped my very life force. I realize that i could not deal with the problems in my life due to the problems in the therapy itself.

I sleep soundly at night. I ran a 10K race. I see friends. My bank account is slowly recovering. My day job has its ups and downs, but when I leave for the day, I leave it behind.

Things aren't perfect in my life, by any means, but they're do-able, and I'm not obsessing constantly about whether I'm a decent and worthy person. I am no longer worrying what will the next session be like, how many days until the next session, dreading the outcome, no longer wondering whether I can haul myself into that office, by hook or by crook. I'm no longer putting in an enormous effort to convince myself that the "analytic endeavor" would eventually play out in some positive way...some day. It was all so effortful and false, the whole therapeutic "relationship." And in the end, there was so much psychobabble leading nowhere, interspersed with really damaging pronouncements from a condescending a##. It really sux to think back on what I tolerated -and went back to, time in and time out, week in and week out.

The sticking point for me was my T made it seem like a challenge to remain in therapy. Now, in hindsight, I think that was the absolute height of manipulation. T had set up a little straw man: All your relationships mirror the one that you have with me. And because ours is troubled, therefore you need to stay with me and work ours out, and therefore solve the problems in your other relationships.

What a crock.

And how convenient for T. And how easy for T to refer to former clients, dismissively, as people who "don't want to look at themselves." What if they just didn't want to deal with T and the manipulations any more? Wouldn't that be one sane way to resolve all the pain, misunderstandings, and expensive heartache?

that's what I chose to do, and I am finding: I'm HAPPIER, DAY BY DAY in every way...without Therapist!

Is it possible that bad therapy made me feel much more depressed than no therapy at all?

My current fear is that I will cave in....once again, and try to repair this therapeutic relationship. NO, i did not call to cancel and T may still expect me to come in next week.

I don't want to, and I hope I won't. I could use some pocket NON RIDERS.

Interested in not going along?

[karebear1]

I'm definetly interested in coming along- either way!

My mind has kind a been running along the same track as your thinking here, and I'm wondering if your thoughts and feeligs will change as time goes by. As it is, my next appointment with T is for next Friday. By then it will have been 3 weeks since I last saw T. Right now- I'm doing way better than I ever thought I would.

[Snuffleupagus]

I will totally not be there. I get claustrophobic easily anyway, and pockets are very small.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

I don't want to, and I hope I won't. I could use some pocket NON RIDERS.

Pocket INFANTRY reporting for duty!

Ill not go and in case you do skip it, you can tell T is was my idea, so T doesnt get hacked off with you....LOL

[Dreamy01]

I think I understand where you're at. I think in some cases therapy can make everything worse. It can be quite obsessive and addictive because none of us are perfect and we can all find issues to work on as part of a process of thinking that we need to do this to be better people, without realising that it's the fumbling around seeking new issues to work on that causes the unsettledness and drama in the first place.

It always makes me think of a vortex to represent the mind and the human tendency to get 'sucked in' further and further trying to work ourselves out thus the mind will keep seeking....

That said, most people are in therapy because they do need to be there. And most therapists will realise when the therapy has reached an end and when it hasn't. Good therapists will be on alert to signs of client dependency, habit etc. And most therapists will also help the client minimalise the drama and look for positives, settledness etc.

I've had periods of being in therapy and long periods without it. When I was without it I did manage, for sure. But then other issues came up. It isn't always black or white. I thought I was done with therapy at one time as I couldn't imagine ever needing it. Now I'm back there working on ever deeper stuff. Am I currently 'right' or was the previous time? Maybe neither are true. Maybe it's about going with the flow of life and if something feels good one week and not the next, so be it. All we can do is try and see. I've spent my life criticising the hell out of myself for needing my therapist and I refuse to do that anymore. If I want to go, I will go and stuff the world. I honestly think life's too short now to worry what anyone else thinks or whether I'm not growing enough or whether I'm too dependent. If I want to go I'll go, if it's doing me no apparent good I'll leave.

Sorry for the ramble I guess I'm in that kind of mood! I guess my original point was yes, therapy can certainly cause more problems in some cases and clearly it did for you. I'm glad you've realised it and left

[taylor43]

I will be in your pocket!

I still need therapy, sorry, mcl. I support you in not going though, because it really sounds like your therapist was doing more harm than good.

My therapist sort of tells me the opposite, that several of my current relationships are screwed up, but it's not ME that is causing the problem.

Maybe therapy isn't what you need right this minute, and certainly, if you need therapy down the road, you REALLY need a different therapist.

[mixedup_emotions]

I am so glad to hear that you're doing well! And I soooooo understand your description of what therapy felt like the cause of.....I am feeling that now and am angry about it. I hate the attachment, dependency....the feelings of it being a false relationship....tired of feeling anxious going in there, etc. etc.

BUT, I am still in therapy....and I know it has helped me tremendously over the last 3 years....so I am hoping these feelings will pass and that I will be able to accomplish more in therapy.

[growlycat]

Ok I can not-ride!

I envy you in a good way--you can live a balanced social life without therapy.Maybe you don't need it! Maybe that's why there are "life coaches" for those who want a sounding board without dredging up the past. Not that you sound like you need that either.

Curious if you were ever in a dependent state of therapy and you evolved or if it just never did a lot for you.

[purple_fins]

I sleep soundly at night. I ran a 10K race. I see friends. My bank account is slowly recovering. My day job has its ups and downs, but when I leave for the day, I leave it behind.

Hooray for you! sounds like you are going along just fine.

All your relationships mirror the one that you have with me. And because ours is troubled, therefore you need to stay with me and work ours out, and therefore solve the problems in your other relationships.

I disagree with your T. I don't think this is ALWAYS true. One might not be able to talk in therapy but talk at home or with friends, one might struggle to connect with the therapist but connect with their partner or a friend. I believe if one is coping well enough in life-- has friends, coping at a job(if necessary), can keep up with daily existance and such..... then one might not need to be in therapy.

Is it possible that bad therapy made me feel much more depressed than no therapy at all?

hmmmm.. I do think this could be true. I think some people can get just as much if not more benefit from their life around them.

---please note: I say the above things for some people not for everyone and not for me. I realize that CBT is helping me, and I work on gaining "tools" to cope and am learning that, a person does exist that is true to her word and stable. (probably sounds weird, but I've not ever been around such a person)

fins

[purple_fins]

oh yeah, and sure I'll not go along with you or go with you--
whatever you decide

[KazzaX]

I soooo know what you mean. The only drama ive had in the last 20 years has been that of seeing a T. When I don't see a T, there is no drama at all haha.

[stopdog]

I know that when the therapist and I have not had an appointment for several weeks (due to vacations or illness), it is quite calm. After the first week of feeling off kilter, it gets very smooth and I do not think about it or her and don't feel frustrated rage on a regular basis that I pay for.
So I understand a lot of what you are saying mcl6136.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

I am three weeks out from the last appointment with terrible T. My real life is going so smoothly that I realize that the therapy itself had created drama that completely sapped my very life force. I realize that i could not deal with the problems in my life due to the problems in the therapy itself.

mcl6136, congratulations on being done with therapy that was not helping at all and was creating problems in your life. Good riddance to that.

[Perna]

Why the argument against going? I would go and tell the T I'm done, not us. If you cannot support yourself and your choices with someone else "important" to you, whose opinion of those choices differs, how can you support yourself against the depression? Going or not going, this or that T, are not the issues you went to therapy for help with are they; are you comfortable you have resolved those issues?

[Nelliecat]

I'll pocket ride and we can go somewhere else. What shall we do instead?

[granite1]

all set to play hookie with yai think we should have a no T party here if you decide not to go

Originally Posted by granite1

all set to play hookie with yai think we should have a no T party here if you decide not to go

Sign me up ... Ill bring drinks , maybe we can hold a group session here... Subject.... When good T's go bad!

[sittingatwatersedge]

bring drinks Lola but no T.... lol ...

[mcl6136]

I have just made contact with a new Life Coach here in my small town. Read about her on her web site and wonder if this might be a next step for me.

I do want to work on things, but in terms of "analysis," I'm so done...so over it.

And very appreciative of the pocket party that's shaping up!!

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

very appreciative of the pocket party that's shaping up!!

oh good! I will bring pita sandwiches (pocket bread ya know) and some LINTzer cookies ....

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

oh good! I will bring pita sandwiches (pocket bread ya know) and some LINTzer cookies ....

Ol Lord! My favorites!!!!

You are amazing!

Made my day!

Party on!

[Snuffleupagus]

I am feeling inspired by you, mcl. After telling me she'll respond to emails within 12 hours, my therapist has still not gotten back to me 3 days later. She knows I've got therapy anxiety because of my last rotten experience and told me it was very important to her that our relationship not cause me grief, hence the 12 hour rule. I reached out to her because I was in pain. I, then, wrote 2 more emails on the subsequent days saying I was bothered that she wasn't living up to our bargain.

I know she read them all directly after I sent them because the subject lines go from bold to regular type in my outbox once the provider opens the email. I do not want to go through this c rap again. I can have people be unreliable in real life. I don't need it done professionally. I feel like if she doesn't get back to me by the end of the day, that's it. I'm done. Maybe I'll try another therapist someday, but it's gonna be a while. I do not enjoy the drama. Your path tempts me.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Snuffleupagus

I know she read them all directly after I sent them because the subject lines go from bold to regular type in my outbox once the provider opens the email.

You know your own email system best, no doubt.

But in my email system, subject lines going from bold to regular simply means they've been sent.