[skysblue]

I have a standing appointment with my T which I cherish. I love the day and the time. Also, my T is wonderful in that she'll always find a slot for me if I request an extra session. I don't want to lose the slot I have now. It is, for me, a sacrosanct time during the week.

Occasionally though I have a passing thought that I'd like to cancel my session - either because I'd like to save some money or that I'm still recuperating from the previous week's session or I'm just in a blank place.

I'm not sure I would ever really cancel because I'm somewhat addicted to my weekly session but the thing that stops me cold from considering it any further is a sense of obligation I feel towards T.

She saves that slot for me. She accommodates me as much as she's able. She's there for me always. So, it feels that if i canceled for no good reason (like I'm sick or out of town) that I'm not valuing our alliance the way I should.

I know my T would not have any problem if I wanted to cancel one session but I don't feel that I should - out of respect for her and/or respect for the therapy process.

Is this twisted thinking?

[Perna]

Does not sound twisted to me. It is going to therapy, through thick and thin, the "process" that makes it all come together and help us and we can't experience that process if we don't experience it Cancelling breaks the interaction between you and T and that's breaking the process to me. We only see T 1 or 2/168ths of our week, so any degree of "feeling" about therapy or T is actually happening in us and, given the limited opportunity, I believe in showing up whenever I can show up and engaging as well as I can engage.

Of course its ok. But the more warning the better. That way T can schedule someone is that slot as a one time deal - crisis, emergency, someone else needing an extra session. When someone just no shows or cancels right before the appt, thar can be frustrating...

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by stormyangels

Of course its ok. But the more warning the better. That way T can schedule someone is that slot as a one time deal - crisis, emergency, someone else needing an extra session. When someone just no shows or cancels right before the appt, thar can be frustrating...

I would never ever do a late cancellation unless it were an emergency.

[stopdog]

Yes it is okay to cancel and you do not need to justify it. Some therapists have a time rule about cancel in advance so many hours or pay, but I get that and when they cancel at the last minute with no concern to me, I generally cancel the next week. The one I see has been flexible if I cancel and I do not think ill of her if she does.

[WikidPissah]

Its fine to take a week off once in a while, T is hard work and everyone needs a vacation.

Yep, as long as you give the "notice" she requires. Most therapist's require 24 hour notice but others require more. If you keep cancelling, she will inquire as to the reason, but I'm guessing you're talking about cancellation that is for a one week appointment.. . . just consider that you have asked and received an "extra" appointment when requested. Chances are that is somoene else cancelling.

[Hope-Full]

I can relate to wanting to cancel skyblue, I've had that feeling before. Interestingly, those weeks that I think would be fine to cancel for any/all of the reasons you've listed, well, those sessions always have some sort of moment in them that makes me go "I'm glad I didn't cancel!" It's one thing if I'm sick - of course I'll cancel, but otherwise, I figure I might as well take advantage of, if anything, getting to sit in a quiet, calm, peaceful space for an hour!

Sidebar - I have been on the other end of someones last minute cancellation - the side where I am desperate to get in to see T but T has no openings. Then the magical phone call comes that T had a cancellation and I can finally breathe a sigh of relief! Last minute cancellations are never good, but sometimes, they end up helping someone else

Originally Posted by skysblue

Occasionally though I have a passing thought that I'd like to cancel my session - either because I'd like to save some money or that I'm still recuperating from the previous week's session or I'm just in a blank place.

I'm not sure I would ever really cancel because I'm somewhat addicted to my weekly session but the thing that stops me cold from considering it any further is a sense of obligation I feel towards T.

She saves that slot for me. She accommodates me as much as she's able. She's there for me always. So, it feels that if i canceled for no good reason (like I'm sick or out of town) that I'm not valuing our alliance the way I should.

I know my T would not have any problem if I wanted to cancel one session but I don't feel that I should - out of respect for her and/or respect for the therapy process.

Is this twisted thinking?

I totally get where you are in this. Its like breaking a date with someone you really care about. Guilt creeps in because we know how it feels to have someone cancel on us. BUT, this is not a friendship. As much as we want it to be, its not. It is a therapist/client relationship and those are set up by appointments that get cancelled or changed all the time. That is part of their business.

I recently went through this at the beginning of the year. Having to meet insurance deductibles was (is) hard on us financially. She knew it was. I felt that if I had to cut back some on my visits that it would somehow make it look like I didn't value the therapy process. Like I didn't feel SHE was worth the money. I had to convince myself that SHE was not the issue. It was the money. My therapist and money just go hand in hand. That's a bummer, but its the truth.

She knew I was upset and worried that if I canceled some of my sessions, she would start filling them up with other clients. That is why I felt I HAD to keep my appointment each week or I would lose my slot. We finally had a talk about this because she knew how much it was bothering me. She reassured me that just because I had to cancel a few sessions would not be a reason for her to quickly try to fill my time slot.

This helped me alot. I was so worried that she may think I didn't value her time and seeing her every week. She actuallly had to remind me that the goal is for me NOT to need her as much. The goal is to try to use the tools she has given me and try to do this on my own at some point. That scared me and I totally went into the rejection mode. Like she was rejecting me and couldn't wait to get rid of me.

When I told her that, she said, "This is a clear indication that we still have more work to do. We need to continue working on this issue. But, the choice is always yours. You get to choose whether you come or not. I am not going to write you off my schedule just because you miss a session or two."

I hate it when she uses the phrase "You get to choose." I want her to tell me how much she will miss me if I don't come! That's not her job, though. If you think about it, their job is to get us OUT of their office at some point.

Back to you...........you are not thinking twisted. I feel the same way. I worry about hurting HER feelings. I worry that I am not being faithful and committed if I cancel. It makes me feel terrible. Unless I am sick or something, I never cancel. I can't go by my feelings as to whether I go or not. Many times I don't want to go, but I know if I don't, I will be miserable until I actually meet with her again.

One thing she has told me is that if I need to cancel for any reason, we can set up a phone conference. If I just need to talk about 10 minutes or so, there is no charge. Any more than that (an hour) will be a regular visit fee. Of course, I can email as much as I need to. She will respond when I ask her to.