My T session is today.....ugh.....

I am starting to feel a bit anxious. Everything is a blur at the moment, and I know that if I re-read my posts from the last week, it will bring it all back....but I seem to be avoiding doing that.

I'm sure I will as it gets closer to my session time.

I know we need to address the whole jealousy issue, the email I sent him about how I perceived his actions in group as favoritism.....and thanks to granite's post, how in order to cope with those feelings, I mentally took that little girl part of me OUT of me - the one who craves love, affection, safety...the one who feels the jealousy - imagined her as a doll, and stabbed her repeatedly until the feelings were no longer there.....

I know that it's important to work on where these feelings come from, blah blah blah....but I really need T to talk to me about HIS actions in group that created some of these feelings. I need him to take some ownership.

It reminds me of a couple years ago, when I was going through a difficult separation/divorce....and T did not agree with something that I was doing....and he pretty much outright called me dumb. The next session, I confronted him about it - and he told me that he reacted that way because he was afraid for my life....and it led to repairing the rupture....BUT, it dawns on me now that he never apologized for it. And for some reason, it makes me feel as though he has an upper hand as the therapist - to be able to use his human screw-ups as opportunities for learning and growth without having to take ownership of his actions.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just blowing all of this out of proportion. His hand on someone's arm for 5 seconds - and I lose my mind.

I think you're amazingly brave for going to group and therapy. I'll be thinking of you today.

I think you are brave too. I get anxiety before T even when I don't have anything weighty to say, so I can imagine how you are feeling.

You articulated yourself really well here, MUE. Needing him to take accountability for his actions is a completely valid thing. I hope it goes well.

Therapy isn't about objective reality. It's about how you feel.

In therapy, everything is as big or small as you think it is.