[Silent_tsol]

Just need to rant.
Had t yesterday. We talked a little about how I had been feeling overwhelmed - busy time of year for me. Feel like I'm going to fail everything. And how it's worse when I'm not at work, school ie with a specific task to be completed. I'm good at organizing, but when I get panicked I just want to get it all done NOW.

And then midway through her taking off on that she asked if there was something else I wanted to talk about. Of course there is, EVERYTHING needs to be talked about. But no, I had a specific topic for the day and I said there was something. Ugh, I move slow, which is so frustrating because it's so unlike every other aspect of my life. So first it started with silence. Then I drew "hieroglyphics" of what was on my mind. Then I let her guess a few times what they meant. Then I finally told her what it meant. But stopped 3/4 of the way through. Told her it all came down to a bit of an epiphany.

But COULD NOT tell her what it was. We talked about the process of me trying to tell her. What was going on inside my head. That helped me feel a little less useless. And she said it was ok if I didn't want to tell her now. I couldn't even say yes or no. It took another while before I could say "not yet". I told her it felt like I had peanut butter in my mouth and just could not talk at all. She said it must be serious. And really, I made it seem like it is.

I told her I thought she might think I'm conceited or a bad person if I told her because she might misinterpret what I say. She said it must be serious. And I really was acting like it was really serious, like I was on trial confessing murder. But it's NOT. It's not serious or big at all really. *sigh*

S t, I feel like I'm doing the same thing. Something I cannot say, but really, it's probably not that big of a deal at all. I'm over-reacting, a drama queen, whatever.

I feel for you. I don't know what the solution is, though.

[pbutton]

I often feel like that about my entire course of therapy. That I'm just a big drama queen making a big deal out of nothing. I feel even worse when T takes me extra-super-seriously. Then I feel like I am wrapping him up in my trickery and embellishments. That's usually when I lose my ability to actually TELL anything & start acting like a weirdo.

I obviously have no help to offer, but I can definitely sympathize.

[WePow]

Sometimes I have to just write down what I want to cover in a session about one hour before I go. I do understand that it is frustrating to feel like time has been lost when it is so precious.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Silent_tsol

So first it started with silence. Then I drew "hieroglyphics" of what was on my mind. Then I let her guess a few times what they meant. Then I finally told her what it meant. But stopped 3/4 of the way through. Told her it all came down to a bit of an epiphany.

But COULD NOT tell her what it was.

I'd like to hear it.

[sconnie892]

Originally Posted by Silent_tsol

Of course there is, EVERYTHING needs to be talked about. But no, I had a specific topic for the day and I said there was something. Ugh, I move slow, which is so frustrating because it's so unlike every other aspect of my life. So first it started with silence. Then I drew "hieroglyphics" of what was on my mind. Then I let her guess a few times what they meant. Then I finally told her what it meant. But stopped 3/4 of the way through. Told her it all came down to a bit of an epiphany.

But COULD NOT tell her what it was.

I know this feeling also. If I know going into a session that what I want to talk about will be difficult, I write it out as backup. If I can't talk about it, I just start reading or using the writing as cues for what to say.

I struggle more when t asks me a question and I don't know how to answer. I find thinking about emotions on the spot very difficult. I need time to process - sometimes a lot of time. If I can't start to answer in say 30 seconds to a minute, I tell her I can't verbalize what I am feeling right now. At least then we have a place to work from and she knows I do have feelings about the topic.

It can be a very frustrating process.

[WikidPissah]

I know what it feels like to clam up in T. I rarely can say anything, for me it is like T is wandering around in the dark taking stabs at things and I can only hope he hits something.

[Silent_tsol]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I'd like to hear it.

Sneaky, but you see, if I were to say it, then I'd have ...102 currently active users know how much of a ridiculous person I'm being over spilled milk.

Originally Posted by sconnie892

I know this feeling also. If I know going into a session that what I want to talk about will be difficult, I write it out as backup. If I can't talk about it, I just start reading or using the writing as cues for what to say.

I struggle more when t asks me a question and I don't know how to answer. I find thinking about emotions on the spot very difficult. I need time to process - sometimes a lot of time. If I can't start to answer in say 30 seconds to a minute, I tell her I can't verbalize what I am feeling right now. At least then we have a place to work from and she knows I do have feelings about the topic.

It can be a very frustrating process.

I'm actually pretty good at dealing with not knowing the answer to her question, I think I specialize in that area . But I like your "I can't verbalize what I'm feeling right now".


This feels silly to write down. It's as short as "I'm afraid the moon is going to fall out of the sky". And so far I haven't shown up with anything written down so I might make even more of a big deal doing that.

[karebear1]

I often clam up in T- even after we've discussed in a rational way what I need to be doing in T when I'm there. It's frustrating as all heck for me! There is just this part of me that can't speak. I'll open my mouth to say something, but the words won't form or come rolling out. I pretty sure for me it has to do with being vulnerable about the subject. BUT...... I'm working on it and T says I'm doing better than I was.

I think all T cares about is that we attempt to answer their questions. I'm pretty sure that at some point, we'll overcome those barriers and they won't be able to shut us up!!!