Setting limits even with T?

i don't think you should worry about using the word boundary being to strong.it is a boundary you have and a big one .he should respect it.there are other ways he can get his point across

Not that I'm defending what your T has done when you have asked him not to but do you see his point.... the irony of the situation...

You want people including T to realize that you are not so strong ,,,that you are vulnerable and can be hurt and are sensitive too like every other human being but... when it comes to talking about things that were done to you (that so obviously upset you if they were to happen to your son) ... you don't want to be vulnerable...you don't want to see it in the light of reality....

So even though his methods are suspect... maybe he is trying to break through that tough exterior you throw up when talking about the abuse...

(This is all just a theory.... just another way of looking at it...I didn't read all the other posts...hope I didn't offend)

Part of the help is to help you to learn to set and enforce good personal boundaries! Boundaries are not bad things! You will still be discussing boundaries and specific ones, if they are still in effect, if one's thinking about that particular issue has changed, etc. but that will be teaching respect and how to discuss issues "sanely" instead of knee-jerk (same with "anger", how to express it so it is helpful instead of scary and hurtful).

I did intend to convey that boundaries were bad things. However, what I meant is that it is DIFFICULT to be simultaneously vulnerable about the big issues, and set boundaries during therapy. I agree that it's part of the learning.

Just an update, I told my T today that it was painful for me to hear the comparison to my children, and he needs to find a different way to make his point. It felt like he was disregarding my feelings, etc. He thanked me for bringing up the issue with him and told me he was deeply sorry. He said he felt like a clod, and wanted to explore with me why I thought he did it. I didn't like that at all and told him I would rather not play "therapy" with this particular issue and just wanted him to tell me why. We can help me grow and get better at identifying motives using issues with other people. This was just personal between us and I wanted him to just tell me why he did it. So, he apologized again and told me that what we were talking about last week was overwhelming for him and he was having a hard time managing his own emotions. He was extremely angry about what happened to me, and so upset about my lack of reaction and my "it's not a big deal response" that he made a mistake, and he was deeply sorry. It was not that he does not care about my feelings or does not have a desire to protect me from pain.

He thanked me repeatedly for telling him how I felt and about my reaction so that he could address it, and be more aware in the future. He also apologized several times. He wasn't at all defensive, and other than the whole trying to turn it into a teaching moment thing, I really appreciated the way he responded. Even that, he immediately stopped when I indicated that I wasn't up for him using this to teach me anything, I just wanted HIM to own his stuff and explain it to me.

On the down side, this did nothing to help dampen the positive transference thing I have going on for him.

Awww, I'm glad he handled it so well.

I'm so glad to hear that it went well and that he was willing to help you understand his motives.

I am glad it went well.

But it is the lesser of two evils...

I'm less impressed with the way he handled it than the way YOU handled it.

I think it really speaks to your clarity, strength and stick-to-it-iveness.

You rule......by the way.

Him? Meh.

Thanks mcl. My T also kept complementing the way I handled it. Whereas I was more impressed with his lack of defensiveness and willingness to agree that he messed up and just say he was sorry. I am accustomed to people who just get mad BACK at me if I am angry at them or hurt, even if I have done nothing wrong. I will even ask my husband sometimes, "why are you mad at me?" and the answer is, "Because you got mad at ME."

I do appreciate the support and compliments from everyone!