[tkdgirl]

Very generally Emotional Intelligence (EQ) can be viewed as the ability to perceive emotion, integrate emotion to facilitate thought, understand emotions and to regulate emotions to promote personal growth.

It seems from some of the threads lately that there is a disconnect between traditional intelligence (IQ) and emotional intelligence (EQ). While some people maybe be highly intelligent (IQ) they struggle with emotional intelligence.

This has me wondering if maybe I wasn't so smart (not trying to be cocky or anything) and have the ability to analyse and rationalize and try apply logic to everything it would make EQ a lot easier. It seems sometimes that the people who are most oblivious (not sure if this is the right word) are the most content. It just feels like sometimes my brain can be my worst enemy.

So my question is: would you be willing to give up some traditional intelligence to gain emotional intelligence. Or maybe its not necessarily a trade-off?

[stopdog]

If it is a trade off, no I would not.

[SpiritRunner]

No, if it had to be a tradeoff, I would not. I don't want to give up one for the other; I wouldn't feel complete as a person.
But I don't see that it has to be a tradeoff, really. I can keep/develop my intellectual abilities and also learn how to develop more emotional skills/awareness. I could in a sense use some my natural intelligence to help me develop/enhance EQ, too. It's not totally separate....there's overlap, intertwining.
Some of this EQ business is also tied into social intelligence/awareness/skills - those can be learned, at least on the surface; the deeper things, such as learning to be more aware of and read body language/emotional nuances, and respond more appropriately, would be harder to learn, perhaps, but possible.
Where I lack as far as EQ goes is not perception.....but what to DO with that perception, both within myself and in interactions with others. I'm learning, but it's sometimes a steep, rocky path, and I fall a lot.
I don't lack social skills/awareness, either, but I am just not polished, smooth, always gracious ......

I think having both is probably the best scenario and many people do. I've seen students over the years with extremely high IQ's unable to relate to or even really speak to others, including adults. They were very isolated, often outright rejecting all attempts to include them. My brother-in-law runs the computer department for a major medical school and some years back he had to let go a similar individual because he was unable to collaborate on projects and often said very inappropriate things to coworkers to maintain his distance from others.

Obviously not all people of high IQ are lacking EQ, but can be a problem. Would I give up IQ points for EQ if I was low on EQ? I have a few points to spare I suppose, but I wouldn't give up much. My IQ allows me to understand and appreciate things that are very important to me and give me much pleasure. I wouldn't want to lose those.

[Perna]

As my parents' account book had as a family slogan Scotch-taped to the cover:

"It is better to be rich and healthy than it is to be poor and sick".

EQ can be learned (just as IQ can be raised); I don't think IQ matters as much nor do I think there's a standardized test to measure EQ like IQ is measured. Good link on how to raise your EQ:

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/eq5_...telligence.htm

At the risk of sounding like I'm bragging, I'm on the extreme end that farmergirl talks about. I can remember entire conversations virtually verbatim (my mother was annoyed and tested it out with a tape recorder once or twice but then beat the snot out of me when I was right because I was unable to NOT say, "see I was right!"). I could remember and quote passages of books and took tests by closing my eyes and re-reading the text in my head [WISH I could still do that].

I do think there is a certain lack of empathy that goes along with higher levels of intelligence. It was hard for me to accept that others were not just being difficult when they didn't remember things I did, or didn't see connections that seemed obvious to me. I actually think the severe abuse I grew up with helped me learn emotional skills I would otherwise be lacking -- empathy and an ability to read the emotional state of others (negative emotional states anyway). I know that I lack hugely in other areas of emotional intelligence, particularly in relation to my OWN emotions.

In reference to the original question, no, I wouldn't trade. I wouldn't know how to function any other way. I figure I will learn the EQ things eventually and if they came to me suddenly, particularly if linked to a drop in my IQ, I might not be able to function effectively still.

Yes, I would. It's better to be stupid and popular!

[Screenager]

I often think I would. I do enjoy my intelligence, my knowledge and my range of interests, but I do think there's a connection between my intellect and my sensitivity/emotional "weakness"/inability to function in everyday life.
I don't think I'd overthink everything if I were more simple-minded, and I'd probably function better in life overall.

[unaluna]

That was kinda the movie Charlie, based on the book, Flowers for Algernon. Also sorta the premise of the Twilight Zone episode Mute. Algernon scared the shite out of me as a kid. Now, having had the choice (and IQ points) taken away from me, and learning about savants, I'd say the lack of EQ is what kept me from achieving my potential based on my IQ.

[tkdgirl]

Thanks for all the great responses, definately more to think about.

Originally Posted by stopdog

If it is a trade off, no I would not.

SD do you think it is a tradeoff?

Originally Posted by SpiritRunner

Some of this EQ business is also tied into social intelligence/awareness/skills - those can be learned, at least on the surface; the deeper things, such as learning to be more aware of and read body language/emotional nuances, and respond more appropriately, would be harder to learn, perhaps, but possible.
Where I lack as far as EQ goes is not perception.....but what to DO with that perception, both within myself and in interactions with others. I'm learning, but it's sometimes a steep, rocky path, and I fall a lot.
I don't lack social skills/awareness, either, but I am just not polished, smooth, always gracious ......

I agree some of the EQ stuff can be learned but I don't think this learning is linked to current IQ necessarily. This is where the struggle seems to come into play. You can't learn all aspects of EQ from a book, there seems to be some aspect that almost seems to be indescribable. I'm working on coming up with some examples. And it seems even harder to learn when ones default is to try use logic to understand, which doesn't appear to do that well in learning EQ.

Originally Posted by farmergirl

Obviously not all people of high IQ are lacking EQ, but can be a problem. Would I give up IQ points for EQ if I was low on EQ? I have a few points to spare I suppose, but I wouldn't give up much. My IQ allows me to understand and appreciate things that are very important to me and give me much pleasure. I wouldn't want to lose those.

This is where I seem to be right now.

Originally Posted by Perna

As my parents' account book had as a family slogan Scotch-taped to the cover:

"It is better to be rich and healthy than it is to be poor and sick".

EQ can be learned (just as IQ can be raised); I don't think IQ matters as much nor do I think there's a standardized test to measure EQ like IQ is measured. Good link on how to raise your EQ:

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/eq5_...telligence.htm

Great link, thanks.

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

At the risk of sounding like I'm bragging, I'm on the extreme end that farmergirl talks about. I can remember entire conversations virtually verbatim (my mother was annoyed and tested it out with a tape recorder once or twice but then beat the snot out of me when I was right because I was unable to NOT say, "see I was right!"). I could remember and quote passages of books and took tests by closing my eyes and re-reading the text in my head [WISH I could still do that].

I do think there is a certain lack of empathy that goes along with higher levels of intelligence. It was hard for me to accept that others were not just being difficult when they didn't remember things I did, or didn't see connections that seemed obvious to me. I actually think the severe abuse I grew up with helped me learn emotional skills I would otherwise be lacking -- empathy and an ability to read the emotional state of others (negative emotional states anyway). I know that I lack hugely in other areas of emotional intelligence, particularly in relation to my OWN emotions.

In reference to the original question, no, I wouldn't trade. I wouldn't know how to function any other way. I figure I will learn the EQ things eventually and if they came to me suddenly, particularly if linked to a drop in my IQ, I might not be able to function effectively still.

MKAC, I'm sorry for how you were treated. I think its admirable that you can flip it around and find something positive to take from it. I'm wondering, would having more EQ not provide you a different way to function? I'm trying to understand why you might not be able to function effectively if you had more EQ and a bit less IQ. Is it that your job extremely technical where a bit less IQ would be detremental? (you don't have to answers I'm just curious)

[Snuffleupagus]

If it were a trade off and I was guaranteed the EQ for the IQ, I would do it in a heartbeat. I am so ready to be happy instead of being right and clever. Emotional regulation seems to me like the most precious commodity on the planet. With that, nothing is too much to bear. Shite, I spent a decade with the expressly stated intent of retarding myself with weed just to try to gain a little emotional regulation. If it worked better and hadn't turned so sour in my own life, I'd still be doing it. So, yes, a thousand times yes to that question.

BTW, I can completely relate to what MKAC said about intellect getting in the way of empathy--interfering with my sense of connection or promoting a sense of alienation. I have often felt deeply impatient with people who are not as verbally proficient--especially slow talkers. And when someone doesn't understand my humor, it feels like I'm speaking a foreign language in some measure and like I can no longer communicate with them.

[mrmanatee]

I don't think it's a trade off at all but if it was I would trade definitely.

I'd give up a little if it were guaranteed to improve my emotional EQ.. Kind of like when you play a video game and are awarded experience points and then you can apply then to what you want... Speed, strength, endurance, majic, potions, spells etc.

Originally Posted by tkdgirl

MKAC, I'm sorry for how you were treated. I think its admirable that you can flip it around and find something positive to take from it. I'm wondering, would having more EQ not provide you a different way to function? I'm trying to understand why you might not be able to function effectively if you had more EQ and a bit less IQ. Is it that your job extremely technical where a bit less IQ would be detremental? (you don't have to answers I'm just curious)

I'm an attorney, and I'm accustomed to being able to cross examine, for instance, really effectively because I remember EXACTLY what the person said before. I can be like, "on direct examination yesterday, you said, X, Y and Z, and how you're saying A." [I do get kind of a charge when the person denies saying it, and we have the court reporter read back their testimony and I have their previous testimony completely correct. ]

I guess part of my issue is that it would seem so foreign to me not to think the way that I think, that a sudden change would be too uncomfortable for me.

[bipolarmedstudent]

No, I wouldn't. I like having a high IQ, and I wouldn't want to give up any of it.

[mortimer]

I don't think I have very high of either, so I don't think I could spare any one for the other.

[OneRedRose]

id give up EQ in a heart beat, but I dont think I have much of it so I wouldnt get anything back really. But I would like a higher IQ.

as it stands mines just above average, I would like more please

[pbutton]

I realize that I struggle due to my underdeveloped EQ, but I would not be willing to give up any IQ points. Something in my brain is bellowing that I'd rather be smart than touchy-feely.

[SmokeyPoole2012]

Good question. I like the idea of being more emotionally aware but for practical reasons the IQ improves our lives.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by tkdgirl

It seems from some of the threads lately that there is a disconnect between traditional intelligence (IQ) and emotional intelligence (EQ). While some people maybe be highly intelligent (IQ) they struggle with emotional intelligence.

I'm sceptical about IQ and EQ. In particular, the dogma that these are innate and cannot be learned. However, I shan't quibble about the words. I know what you mean.

As I said to my T last week:
"When I first came to you, I had very high intelligence and very low wisdom."

I am still annoyed that my technical skills are so useless when applied to humans.

[CantExplain]

I'm sad that I have to work so hard to get what others take for granted.
One the other hand, I take for granted what others work hard for.

Why aren't we all born with the full tool kit, eh?

[treespirit]

I don't think it's a tradeoff. I think that it's just that one interferes with and tries to be more loud than the other, but this can be overcome. And no, I wouldn't give up one for the other because I need both.

[stopdog]

I doubt it is a trade off. Perhaps learning to apply one's IQ in another more efficient way when dealing with others would be a result of higher EQ. I have learned ways to interact so that I do not always seem as brusque or sarcastic at others. I draw the line at pandering to the hypersensitive. I told the one i see I did not want to turn into some crying, hugging, kumbaya singing, hand-holding, syruppy, over sharing, super sensitive whacko as a result of therapy. She indicated she was good but not a miracle worker. And then said something about middle ground being possible, blah blah blah.

[Butterflies Are Free]

I would rather have more emotional intelligence. Being able to be compassionate and attuned to yourself/others is a gift I wish more people had. When I am in distress and in need of a friend, I reach out to the ones with a loving heart.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I doubt it is a trade off. Perhaps learning to apply one's IQ in another more efficient way when dealing with others would be a result of higher EQ. I have learned ways to interact so that I do not always seem as brusque or sarcastic at others. I draw the line at pandering to the hypersensitive. I told the one i see I did not want to turn into some crying, hugging, kumbaya singing, hand-holding, syruppy, over sharing, super sensitive whacko as a result of therapy. She indicated she was good but not a miracle worker. And then said something about middle ground being possible, blah blah blah.

This is what I meant when I said "The only thing that seems to make you angry is the suggestion that you should be more gentle."

Stopdog, there are some hypersensitives on PC (where else would you expect to find them?) and I, for one, am prepared to show them some extra consideration.

I am still upset about what happened between you and Squiggle.