[CantExplain]

Hi gang!

This post turns out rather different from what I intended when I started.

I look at stuff I wrote four months ago and I think, "How could I possibly have felt like that?"

For instance, just before Christmas I was obsessed with the fact that I didn't know much about my T. But it doesn't bother me at all today. If she wants to remain a mystery, I'm cool with that.

Have I really grown so much in four months? How can that be? I mean, my T was away for at over half that time.

Could it be that absences are beneficial? Instead of seeing my T regularly throughout the year, would it be better to have a pattern of month on, month off? Should therapy be episodic rather than continuous?

Has anyone tried that?

[Serotonin]

The fact is, the goal of your therapy should be to put a permanent end to contact with your T. The reason you see a T is to overcome your mental health problems. Therapy should neither be exclusively episodic or continuous, it should be flexible, and it's goal should be to terminate itself. But dependencies and attachments can always arise thus making termination a difficult and painful process.

[WePow]

Well, my T is a CSA survivor. He has a T that he sees only when he needs to see him. Because he is also a recoverd sexual addict, he told me that he will always have to be mindful of his mental health and go to therapy when he needs to go.
For some issues, the therapy can end. But for others, a person has to have access to care when they need it. I know I will always need to be able to access a T as well. It will not always be with the regularity it is right now. But I will always need that outside support to be available when I need it.

Think of it the same way you would a physical issue. If you have a broken leg, you may need to see the doctor for a while and then it is healed and you don't have to return. But if you have a disease that flares up, you need to go when the disease is acting up.

[unaluna]

hmm. I think you grow from surviving the breaks. I told T this week that I was surprised, when I first moved back after my stint at mother's, at how DEPENDABLE the buses were. They actually did show up every day, and they NEVER change the schedule! You can RELY on them! This was a completely new feeling for me. I told him I felt more comforted by the bus showing up every day than by him showing up every day. I probably need to talk about why i'm more connected to the bus than to T. Anyway, idk about every other month. it would be like exercising every other month, or working. How could you make any progress, accomplish anything in that short of time? Maybe 6 weeks on, 2 off, or 10/12?

[elliemay]

I think the brain continues to process things as we go along. We may not even be aware of it. I think it likely our brains develop new coping mechanisms as we go along.

Not exactly like forgetting, but rather a brain saying "okay, I can handle this".

I guess breaks could really help that processing, because there would be a stop to the endless poking and prodding at the brain. I mean, you've got to give it a chance to work every now and again right?

I'm reminded of my all time favorite quote from the Homer Simpson - the buddha of my generation:

"Okay brain, I don't like you and you don't like me, but let's just do this and then I'll go back to killing you with beer."

[critterlady]

Originally Posted by Serotonin

But dependencies and attachments can always arise thus making termination a difficult and painful process.

For many, if not most, people in therapy, those dependencies and attachments are crucial to an effective therapeutic relationship. The job of therapy is to work through them, so they become less of a driving force, making termination a natural part of the process.

Being attached to or dependent on a therapist is not an evil thing to be avoided.

[CantExplain]

Thinking about this some more.

Separation is a good way to combat obsessions with T.
When I'm with T, I want this, I want that, and it becomes obsessive.
When I'm without T, I just want my T back, and I'm prepared to give up the specific desires.

So absences improve my relationship with T, but to work on my other problems I need her present.

CONCLUSION:

Whenever T seems to be my biggest problem, a break might be a very good idea. When T is not my biggest problem, I should carry on.

i do both, things are doing good, i tend to stay away or take breaks, but when life starts kicking my butt again; i know i need to go back and get the screws tightened again...

i would really like to get to the point where i only need to go every once in awhile for tune-ups.
however it seems that whenever i go back, i got another issue on plate that has surfaced and it takes time to deal with it.

i figure i will be in therapy forever...just not constantly

My T was gone for 9 months altogether. It was very hard. There were a lot of bad things about that. However, there was some good in it. Growing independence, more time to do things on our own, attempts to take care of issues on our own ( mostly failed but you know what, sometimes you learn by figuring out what not to do). However i do nooooot want to go through that again, learning experience or not.

[stopdog]

I take breaks a lot. I keep going back so the breaks don't seem to ruin anything. Sometimes they give space so I don't feel trapped.

When I initially began therapy 2 1/2 years ago, I took a "break" quite often. I'd get overwhelmed with the emotions that therapy evoked and I'd quit. Sometimes for a few weeks but often for months at a time. Each time I decided to go back and picked up the phone to reschedule. Why? Because I thought or believed that the relationship/work with this therapist meant something to me.

Initially, I felt no pain . .. no regret .. .no abandonment when I walked away. Heck, I was glad to not go! I liked not having to hand over the money and I LIKED not having to deal with what was going on with me. ..Often, I felt nothing about the quitting . . .other than relief. I think that this was because I was numb to any feeling.

Over time, if I quit, I felt nothing for a period, but then out of the blue, I'd feel an overwhelming need to return. . . a feeling that I was missing something. The feeling was sharp and I wasn't able to ignore it. It's been six months or more since my last break and although I have experienced the ocassional mental tug to disconnect, they don't last long. I get a lot out of my sessions and even when I'm disappointed by a session, I feel committed to going back the next week to TRY AGAIN.. . to reconnect and make it work. I think, for me, this is important. It's too easy for me to walk away and forget in most of my relationships . .. I am a loner and a bit of a recluse. But I've learned that THIS relationship is worth the effort. I hope it goes okay for you!

[stopdog]

My breaks usually only last a couple of weeks now and I don't quit every week. Sometimes not even every other week. I am not certain if it is progress or if I have become insanely over attached.

I'm beginning to think the bond I try to keep by going 2x's a week, is really a hindrance , I think I'm trying to keep the obsession not the connection.

[learning1]

My t encouraged me to take a break or quit if I didn't feel "like anything was happening in therapy." So I am. For the most part it seems like a good thing. I wonder rather often whether I'll go back in a few months, or ever, and whether I should or whether I should just live my life and forget about therapy. I don't know. I'm sad I didn't end up feeling like I clearly achieved much of anything with therapy, after all that effort. Sometimes I can interpret things as having made progress, but it's not very clear. When I was leaving, t said I should be proud I opened up a lot during therapy, but that seems rather irrelevant. So I guess I think there are things I might still be able to get out of therapy, but I don't know whether they are worth the energy that therapy might take from other things I can spend my energy on at this point in my life. I wonder what your t thinks about your idea Can't Explain. Do you think she'd agree with you?

[KazzaX]

Well they keep telling me to "sit with the feeling" and it will solve all my problems. So if you aren't going to therapy then you are "sitting with the feelings" for months or years on end, then how can it be bad?

[roads]

I'm back in therapy, but not on any fixed schedule. I may go twice a week if what's happening calls for that--or I may take a month or more off to give things a chance to gel.

I sometimes go on a literal or just a mental vacation, a long term meditation. I just have never been willing to be scheduled into a routine, repetitious pattern for therapy. I've never taken to that for yoga or dance or anything else, either. I'm just odd, when it comes to order. And that works for me somehow.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by learning1

I wonder what your t thinks about your idea Can't Explain. Do you think she'd agree with you?

I'll have to ask her.