[healed84]

I have been seeing my T for about 5 months now. In the last two weeks I disclosed (after T flat out asked) if there was any abuse. I have been calling it CSA, but really I need to get better at admitting that it was the "r" word. It happened when I was a child. However, now that its out and I have talked about it a little bit, it has opened the flood gates. T saw me today, b/c I was having a hard time from our last session. I just admitted to him that I am just still not sure I can give into feeling needy, to trusting the whole process of therapy, to trusting him.

I am to a point where I feel like I could run for the hills and try my best to keep ignoring my issues and my past. Let me tell you that is soooo tempting right now. That by running some how it would get easier. Or, I could fully give into the process.. trust T, trust the meds I am on, trust therapy and hopefully get better. However, that scares the heck out of me as well. I told T today as I was getting ready to walk out the door after our appointment.. " Right now, I am going to either completley withdraw, or I am just going to keep on calling." He looked up at me and smiled and said.. "Either way, I am here, I am not going anywhere. Keeping calling me." There was something reassuring in his answer.. and that makes me not to automatically run for the hills. Gah.. this is hard!

healed84 I know how you feel. My T says dont tell him ANYTHING until I am ready. He said that its because I cant handle it all at once. He said we peel back the layers one at a time. If you keep calling and he keeps seeing you , then maybe youll just get better.

[granite1]

it sounds like you have an awsome patient T i wouls say call if you need to and maybe things will get easier

[carla.cdt]

A therapist i had before told me, it's when you don't want/feel like coming that you most need to come.
Take your time in the process and by the sound of it you have a great therapist who will be careful with the "tempo" of the therapy.
Take care of yourself and keep showing up, you don't want to miss anything.
Carla

[Perna]

When both choices are equally ugly I choose the one that has the most chance of changing. Having run all my life up until therapy, going through therapy seemed the better choice to me. Whenever I got to feeling upset by therapy I just remembered how bad I felt under the other choice and its not working and that got me turned around toward therapy again.

I'm glad your T sounds like he's there for you and comforting to you.

[healed84]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

healed84 I know how you feel. My T says dont tell him ANYTHING until I am ready. He said that its because I cant handle it all at once. He said we peel back the layers one at a time. If you keep calling and he keeps seeing you , then maybe youll just get better.

This is what T said to me today... we are pulling apart an onion and we will only expose the ones I am ready for.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by healed84

I have been seeing my T for about 5 months now. In the last two weeks I disclosed (after T flat out asked) if there was any abuse. I have been calling it CSA, but really I need to get better at admitting that it was the "r" word. It happened when I was a child. However, now that its out and I have talked about it a little bit, it has opened the flood gates. T saw me today, b/c I was having a hard time from our last session. I just admitted to him that I am just still not sure I can give into feeling needy, to trusting the whole process of therapy, to trusting him.

I am to a point where I feel like I could run for the hills and try my best to keep ignoring my issues and my past. Let me tell you that is soooo tempting right now. That by running some how it would get easier. Or, I could fully give into the process.. trust T, trust the meds I am on, trust therapy and hopefully get better. However, that scares the heck out of me as well. I told T today as I was getting ready to walk out the door after our appointment.. " Right now, I am going to either completley withdraw, or I am just going to keep on calling." He looked up at me and smiled and said.. "Either way, I am here, I am not going anywhere. Keeping calling me." There was something reassuring in his answer.. and that makes me not to automatically run for the hills. Gah.. this is hard!

and to think that there are those who say that people go into therapy because they are weak. You are very strong, and brave.

[BonnieJean]

my t talks about peeling the layers like like an onion, too.

[CantExplain]

Running away and coming back has been a pattern in my life.