[rainbow8]

Stepping into T's office today felt like putting on my cozy, fuzzy slippers. There's no way I see her only as "someone I hire to help me" although that is her role. Sorry, folks. I emailed this to her after my session:

"I'm beginning to pay less attention to the labels. I know you're my therapist and I'm your client but those are just the parameters; they don't define our relationship at all. We seem comfortable and compatible together; it's a nice feeling. It's more normal for me. I think it's that middle ground and I felt good to feel good with you. Maybe it's that "secure attachment" I'm supposed to have for you. I know that nothing will change when I go away or you go away. No matter what happens."

She lent me her book, Getting Past Your Past by Francine Shapiro, about using EMDR techniques. BTW, this book has about 18 out of 23 5 star reviews on Amazon. She also gave me a nice long hug when I left. I feel good about our relationship, better than I have in a long time. I don't feel like I want more from her than I can have because I feel like what I do have is good enough! I sure hope this feeling lasts.

[karebear1]

Rainbow that's such a great thing to hear! I'm glad that you are feeling so comfortable with your T and that you feel a secure attachment with her. THere have been times when I ahve felt that with my T, but somehow it fades away again.

How do you make it stay?

[CantExplain]

It's nice when you get to that stage.

[vanessaG]

Im happy to hear you have come to this comfortable place with your T

What a wonderful feeling to have that what i strive for! Did she by any chance anwer your email you sent?

I am happy for you!!

[taylor43]

So glad to hear! im so happy you felt this way!

[rainbow8]

Thanks for the replies. Karebear, I wish I knew how to make it stay, but I think it's going to for me. Something changed a few sessions ago during EMDR. I can't put my finger on it because I always felt close to my T and knew she cared a lot about me, but I feel like it's "cemented" now. Don't know why but it just is.

vanessa: My T and I have a rule that I can email her as much as I want but she never answers unless it's about scheduling or my birthday! It works for me. I know she was smiling when she read it, though. I just KNOW.

I'm going out-of-town soon so I've got to get off. Oh, and I probably will get to see my T before she goes away for 2 weeks. She said something like "for you I'll make time." To quote Sally Field again. "She likes me. She really likes me"!

But I know we're not friends. She's my T but what a special bond to have a T. I'm just in a good mood right now. We talked about how I spiral down very quickly and how to try to avoid that. She went to a workshop about body feelings and has new techniques for me. I'm not sure I can use them yet though.

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Thanks for the replies. Karebear, I wish I knew how to make it stay, but I think it's going to for me. Something changed a few sessions ago during EMDR. I can't put my finger on it because I always felt close to my T and knew she cared a lot about me, but I feel like it's "cemented" now. Don't know why but it just is.

vanessa: My T and I have a rule that I can email her as much as I want but she never answers unless it's about scheduling or my birthday! It works for me. I know she was smiling when she read it, though. I just KNOW.

I'm going out-of-town soon so I've got to get off. Oh, and I probably will get to see my T before she goes away for 2 weeks. She said something like "for you I'll make time." To quote Sally Field again. "She likes me. She really likes me"!

But I know we're not friends. She's my T but what a special bond to have a T. I'm just in a good mood right now. We talked about how I spiral down very quickly and how to try to avoid that. She went to a workshop about body feelings and has new techniques for me. I'm not sure I can use them yet though.

So thrilled for you, rainbow!!!! YAY!!!! this parts stuff is great, it's helping me a lot, too!

[WePow]

That is SOOOOO wonderful !!!!!!

Sounds good, rainbow I'm especially pleased that you feel EMDR has helped, as I know you were wondering about that, and missing doing IFS.

Just thought I'd let you know that the Queen here (England) has two birthdays... so she'd get two emails from your T Wonder if you could swing it?

[sittingatwatersedge]

Rainbow? how you doing these days? missing you

That's great!

[Serotonin]

Just out of curiosity, what percentage of people in therapy are also in love with their therapists?

[SpiritRunner]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

Rainbow? how you doing these days? missing you

been wondering where and how you are, too!

[WikidPissah]

super cool rainbow! Enjoy your time away!

[rainbow8]

Thanks for missing me, SAWE and SpiritRunner. I'm visiting my daughter and family for 2 weeks: this is the second week. There were some bad days because the other grandma was there too, and my gc stick to her like glue. They climb onto her lap and hold her hand while I'm ignored. They never want to sit next to my H or me at the dinner table. My T knows about this; it happened before. I have a different personality from her. I love the kids so it hurts me terribly and I can't help crying when I'm alone. I play with them but I can't entertain them nonstop like the other grandma.

I emailed my T about it and felt better. I've been okay without her so that's positive. I'm reading her book--Getting Past Your Past, and it's very good. I see her next Wednesday or Thursday, depending on when we get home. But she is going on HER trip right after that and I get scared when I think about it. I think the negative thought about myself is "I'm not safe," for EMDR. I'm sure it goes back to childhood. The book tells you how to work with those thoughts and feelings. It's almost like you can do EMDR yourself but the author is careful to say that if there is major trauma you need a T. Of course you don't have the buzzers or watch your fingers, but she talks about other techniques.

[peaches100]

Hi Rainbow,

I felt so happy for you reading about your session!! I agree that you and your t seem very compatible -- much more than you and your previous t. It's huge too that you said you know things won't change with the t relationship even when you or she is gone. That shows you have learned how to "hold on" to the good feeling of attachment. It does sound like you are developing a secure attachment to her!

I'm so sorry, though, that your grandkids pay more attention to their other grandma. That's got to really hurt! Kids don't usually think deeply enough to realize they are favoring one relative over the other. They just respond. Could it be that they see the other grandma more often, and maybe that is why they seem to feel more comfortable with her? Regardless of why, don't lose heart! It takes time and repeated contact to develop relationships. Are there some things you and your grandkids could do to build your relationship, even though it is long distance? Kids are really into texting. Could you text them at times?? Also, kids usually love to talk about their hobbies and other things they are interested in. Asking questions about their activities might open up more communication. I'm not saying that you don't do that already -- just throwing out ideas.

I know you well enough to know you're an intelligent, empathetic, special person. I'll bet if your grandkids get to know you better, they'll come to value you as well!