[Serotonin]

What does "strong" even mean?

[KazzaX]

Yeah they usually do when I start seeing them. It's like a "get your foot in the door" type of conversation where they try to get me to open up, haha. Sort of like "you seem like a strong person but.." and I am supposed to fill in the blanks after that. It's your general, textbook manuevre for a new client with obvious defenses.

[SpiritRunner]

Mine have pointed out that I have resiliency and that I have more capability/strength than I will sometimes allow myself to believe - that I am strong, but would be stronger if I expanded my beliefs in what is possible for me.
My 2nd T said though that I had a very narrow limited skill set, that I was very strong in a certain aspect but needed to have a broader skill set that would serve me better in situations that exhaust the particular strength I had. Being better developed in more areas instead of being over-developed as it were in one.....
So yeah, what is strong, though? Strong to me doesn't mean no or little weakness, it means being aware of weakness, acknowledging it, and working on healthy ways to deal with that weakness .... strong means not that you don't fall down or feel heavy burdened or falter but that you continue, you keep trying, even in weakness and pain you keep trying, you keep hoping.
I am strong because I am still here, still alive, still holding to hope and moving forward with a determination to heal and to live well and more deeply. I am strong because I have been to the depths of the pit and climbed out ever so agonizingly slowly. I am strong not because I have gotten rid of weakness but because I have overcome and persevered anyway.

[bipolarmedstudent]

No. My therapist (p-doc) doesn't tell me 'feel-good' stuff like that.

She has told me I'm cold and reserved, though.

[Serotonin]

I felt a bit patronised and uncomfortable at the time, and briefly thought he was being sarcastic. I noticed that sometimes after I had finished explaining stuff, he would issue unsolicited compliments, in an obvious attempt to make me feel good about myself, and to be truthful; it just felt phony and contrived. But in retrospect, he was probably just working in line with his professional training, and didn't mean to come across as sarcastic, phony, or contrived. They were just my perceptions, and not necessarily an accurate perception of intent.

[bipolarmedstudent]

Originally Posted by Serotonin

I felt a bit patronised and uncomfortable at the time, and briefly thought he was being sarcastic. I noticed that sometimes after I had finished explaining stuff, he would issue unsolicited compliments, in an obvious attempt to make me feel good about myself, and to be truthful; it just felt phony and contrived. But in retrospect, he was probably just working in line with his professional training, and didn't mean to come across as sarcastic, phony, or contrived. They were just my perceptions, and not necessarily an accurate perception of intent.

One of my favourite things about my therapist is she very rarely gives me compliments. And when she does compliment me, it feels very natural, balanced, and accurate. I agree that giving too many compliments can come off phony and contrived. I could never be happy with a 'feel-good' therapist who holds your hand and tells you nice stuff.

My therapist is extremely objective about my strengths and weaknesses. She sits across the room from me. We have no physical contact. She mostly has a blank expression on her face. She makes astute observations. And she doesn't treat me with kid gloves. She gives it to me straight. Sometimes she tells me stuff I don't like to hear, and I'll argue with her. ("Cold?! I'm not cold!"). But ultimately I respect her.

That's why I've been seeing her for 10 years.

[Snuffleupagus]

Yes. It was the source of a major rupture with her which I think we've worked through. It was very painful to have that assumption made about me. As I told my T in my repair session: If I'm asking for support, it's because I need it. It sure as hell isn't because I get jollies from feeling vulnerable.

Here's the thread that detailed that rupture/repair:
http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?p=2290444

I am a fairly strong person & yes my T does tell me that. It feels good to be reminded of my strength, that i can do this hard trauma work.

[CantExplain]

Usually, my T is careful not to tell me what I am.
But she has said some very nice things to me.
I think she rations herself to no more than one compliment a session.
I think that's about the right level for me.

[retro_chic]

My T has told me that I'm "strong" and she also said I am "very intelligent". Sometimes it makes me feel better about myself, other times not. It really depends on my mood. My current T and also my previous Ts regularly compliment/ed me on my clothes. I don't know how I feel about that... I like compliments but as some of you mentioned, it can feel contrived.

[vanessaG]

My T in the beginning ALWAYS said 'your stronger than you think you are' it used to make me so soooo mad. After getting to know me a bit better he's like yeah I agree I had in my head you were stronger. It's just like no, I'm not that strong right now....that's why I'm sitting on your couch!!

[Serotonin]

Sometimes I used to feel like complimenting him back, so whenever he intimated that I was "strong" or "intelligent", I used to feel like saying "You're strong and intelligent too". Not so sure how he would have taken it though.

[retro_chic]

Originally Posted by Serotonin

Sometimes I used to feel like complimenting him back, so whenever he intimated that I was "strong" or "intelligent", I used to feel like saying "You're strong and intelligent too". Not so sure how he would have taken it though.

Yes. And when my T asks "How are you?" I always want to return the question. I don't though because as you said, I don't know how she would take it. We aren't there to talk about her but I still want to. I feel rude talking about myself the whole time. I guess the fact that I pay her makes up for it but still...

[Dreamy01]

Yes but it often upsets me or makes me angry. As a child I had to be the 'strong one' so to me it feels like T is seeing the mask I put on, not the real me who needs her. I feel pushed away when she says it.

[with or without you]

a lot. And I never want to believe her.

[Wren_]

mine has said this; and it causes such a mix reaction. Yes I am strong ... no I am very weak!!!!!! both are true so hearing I'm strong brings up very mixed responses

[newtus]

Originally Posted by bipolarmedstudent

My therapist is extremely objective about my strengths and weaknesses. She sits across the room from me. We have no physical contact. She mostly has a blank expression on her face. She makes astute observations. And she doesn't treat me with kid gloves. She gives it to me straight. Sometimes she tells me stuff I don't like to hear, and I'll argue with her.

this is mine to a T (no pun). blank. doesnt talk much. i do! and when she does ASTUTE (it scares me sometimes). no physical contact. (i like it this way). but i have been cold and yelled at her in the beginning. i didnt realize but i think i did this unconsciously to test her. she failed at first and yelled back. haha not anymore. she does get frustrated though. this is why i keep coming back. i like the seeming rigidity she shows. though i feel she does treat me like im young slightly its ok. im ok with it. i need that "pull back" every now and then. im hard lined a bit sometimes and it makes me soft. so i get pulled back into reality and not so much my coldness because i dont like being cold at all. but i am. shes straight with it 90% of the time. i like that. she always telling me stuff i dont want to hear. and hahah my coldness comes through. anger. straight anger. i was raised by my dad so i dont like my weakness to show verbally because i know i do through my expression/posture.
at first she was all "cuddly". i almost left.
she adapted.

[bipolarmedstudent]

Originally Posted by newtus

this is mine to a T (no pun). blank. doesnt talk much. i do! and when she does ASTUTE (it scares me sometimes). no physical contact. (i like it this way). but i have been cold and yelled at her in the beginning. i didnt realize but i think i did this unconsciously to test her. she failed at first and yelled back. haha not anymore. she does get frustrated though. this is why i keep coming back. i like the seeming rigidity she shows. though i feel she does treat me like im young slightly its ok. im ok with it. i need that "pull back" every now and then. im hard lined a bit sometimes and it makes me soft. so i get pulled back into reality and not so much my coldness because i dont like being cold at all. but i am. shes straight with it 90% of the time. i like that. she always telling me stuff i dont want to hear. and hahah my coldness comes through. anger. straight anger. i was raised by my dad so i dont like my weakness to show verbally because i know i do through my expression/posture.
at first she was all "cuddly". i almost left.
she adapted.

sounds like you have a good T.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by bipolarmedstudent

One of my favourite things about my therapist is she very rarely gives me compliments. And when she does compliment me, it feels very natural, balanced, and accurate. I agree that giving too many compliments can come off phony and contrived. I could never be happy with a 'feel-good' therapist who holds your hand and tells you nice stuff.

My therapist is extremely objective about my strengths and weaknesses. She sits across the room from me. We have no physical contact. She mostly has a blank expression on her face. She makes astute observations. And she doesn't treat me with kid gloves. She gives it to me straight. Sometimes she tells me stuff I don't like to hear, and I'll argue with her. ("Cold?! I'm not cold!"). But ultimately I respect her.

That's why I've been seeing her for 10 years.

She sounds very much like my own T.

But mine does hug occasionally, and her expression isn't as blank as I used to think.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by newtus

this is mine to a T (no pun). blank. doesnt talk much. i do! and when she does ASTUTE (it scares me sometimes). no physical contact. (i like it this way). but i have been cold and yelled at her in the beginning. i didnt realize but i think i did this unconsciously to test her. she failed at first and yelled back. haha not anymore. she does get frustrated though. this is why i keep coming back. i like the seeming rigidity she shows. though i feel she does treat me like im young slightly its ok. im ok with it. i need that "pull back" every now and then. im hard lined a bit sometimes and it makes me soft. so i get pulled back into reality and not so much my coldness because i dont like being cold at all. but i am. shes straight with it 90% of the time. i like that. she always telling me stuff i dont want to hear. and hahah my coldness comes through. anger. straight anger. i was raised by my dad so i dont like my weakness to show verbally because i know i do through my expression/posture.
at first she was all "cuddly". i almost left.
she adapted.

This makes me wonder how much my T has adapted to me. Perhaps more than I realise.

[Perna]

I don't have any problem with being "strong". That we get as far as we do, reach out and get help, etc. with all that we've been through, we'd have to be pretty strong. We have elaborate, extensive, very good defenses, etc. (so we're "intelligent" too :-)