[sconnie892]

Rather than hi-jack one of the other similar threads I decided to start a new one. Excuse the long ramblings....Just need to get this out. Feel free to provide feedback to my "thinking in writing."

I've been reading "Quiet" by Susan Cain which has lead me to do quite a lot of reading about the highly sensitive person. The more I read about it, the more I feel like "this is me."

We've been working on a lot of relationship stuff in therapy lately and it's been very difficult for me. There's been a lot of resistance and shutting down during sessions on my part. But with all this reading I've been doing, I am starting to wonder if part of the shutting down comes from this feeling that I am fighting some innate traits in myself - the introversion and sensitivity.

I really want to talk with t about this, but I am afraid she will ask "Why do you think you are highly sensitive?" (She already calls me a "deep thinker", so it's not a big leap.) Unfortunately, the best example I have involves t:

Several months ago, t said she often has people tell her they hate therapy. I replied "Then you better not read my journal." There was a split second where her face acknowledged that comment and just a tiny glimpse of hurt in her expression - which was immediately replaced with normal non-judgmental t and a comment about how she would never ask to read my journal. That was the first time I had admitted any dislike of therapy. Had I not been looking at t when I said it, I would have never seen the reaction - it was all nonverbal. I am guessing many people would have never noticed it - it was very subtle. And for all I know I could be misreading t's reaction completely. But it has bothered me ever since then. I've felt myself holding back on expressing anger with t and I think it is because of that split second.

I guess that's why I know this is the best example to give t - but I am terrified of the discussion that could result of this. I don't want t to think I am sitting there analyzing her every move. I don't do that. I also don't want t to start censoring her responses more. I need those bits of emotion coming through to help me keep talking.

Perhaps because I am more sensitive, I tend to think other people react the same way I do, when in reality they don't pay much attention to those subtleties?

[mixedup_emotions]

This could lead to an incredibly useful discussion and learning experience for you. It seems that you made an assumption based on what you saw, and that - in turn - affected the way you react, without even knowing whether or not what you saw was an accurate reflection of what your T felt. This discovery could help you see this in other areas.....

[sconnie892]

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

This could lead to an incredibly useful discussion and learning experience for you. It seems that you made an assumption based on what you saw, and that - in turn - affected the way you react, without even knowing whether or not what you saw was an accurate reflection of what your T felt. This discovery could help you see this in other areas.....

Thanks for this. This is a good way to think about it. T has told me several times she can handle me expressing anger toward her or the process. I guess I have been assuming t might react like I do. And little part of me is afraid she might say, yes she was hurt - even though I know that is very unlikely.

[Perna]

My T did not discuss non-verbal communication as she pointed out that verbal is extremely difficult between two people. I think thinking one can interpret another's feelings with no input from the other can be very dangerous as we can't really know what is going on with another, especially since we'd have to base it on ourselves.

I would certainly discuss why you feel you shut down with T as you would get more information about yourself which is why I went to therapy, to get to know myself better and how better to use my thoughts and feelings to help me life my life as I desired.

[stopdog]

I tell the one I see how much I think therapy is horrible. I doubt if it really shakes them up. They hopefully have done it themselves and know how awful it is.

[Gently1]

"Quiet" is on my reading list. I listened to her speak and like another book about sensitive people I found myself going- so I am not the only one that __________fill in the blank.

I had the opposite situation, where I 'backed out of the conversation' and asked the T next appointment did he notice?

He said there was a subtle something and he will have to pay more attention as I can hide emotions well.

I think for me as difficult as it would be I would bring up the past especially if you are bringing the past into your today.

This advice I am trying this for myself, over a year ago I saw a reaction in my T, and am still angry that he did not address the issue. Well he did the next week but it was an intellectual 'excuse' and at the time it seemed to be enough.
I do not want to say what I was talking about as it could be triggering, but I will say maybe not this week but soon I will bring up the past and see what happens.

T's are not perfect and it can be disappointing, and maybe more so for the highly sensitive person?

thanks for you post, and the responses you have received

apologise in advance for grammer and other errors, just getting over the flu and do not have energy/ brain power to proof read.
G