So, after almost a year of long distance phone sessions (both my t and I moved and now we live about 1000 miles away) I started t with a local person. Today was my 3rd session.

New t is always late (old t was always exactly on time), which is a big pet peeve of mine. She offers to run the session late, but I can't- I only take an hour off work and I have to be back on time. Today we had about a 1/2 hour together.

New t is a neuropsycologist (old t was lcsw). She wants to blame everything on head injuries and seizure disorder. She even requested my old medical records. Old t never wanted to talk about that stuff unless I brought it up (which I never did).

New t has strongly (VERY strongly) recommended medication. Old t couldn't care less if I was on meds and certainly didn't recommend anything in particular. Probably because she didn't know much about them, and I prescribe psych meds every day so am fairly knowledgeable. She was willing to let me make that decision on my own.

I never would have thought that I had any kind of attachment to old t. I liked her. We'd been together for a few years. I was comfortable with her, but I wouldn't have called my feelings for her very strong. She told me one time "I feel like there is a huge space between us and I have to be careful what I fill it with". I thought that was very insightful. New t tried to hug me as I walked out and of the office today and said "I really like you". Ew.

I live in a very small, very remote town and I work for the only hospital in the area. Options are limited if I don't want everyone to know my business. This is partly why I stuck with distance t for so long. Now, I want to go back to her. New t probably has a lot to offer if I give her a chance. How many more sessions should I give her before I either quit on t altogether or go back to old t?

[pbutton]

Wow, that half hour thing would totally be a dealbreaker for me. I want my whole session (which I often waste by silently staring at the floor, but that's beside the point. )

[Bmee2]

i have not a clue how long to wait. UGH! mixed messages...the change in boundaries....(the hug)...lateness, ...

Did the new t ever ask what you want? or how can she help you?
You probably should give her one more try, but my gut says run....run and get far from this new t.

I know, the late thing is huge for me. It just doesn't bother her- she runs her own business, can see clients whenever she wants. I appreciate that she's offered to run late to make up the time, but it just isn't possible for me. I'd rather have her respect my schedule and get me in and out on time.

She's a hugger- that's fine for her. I assume she'll learn quickly that I am not. I just miss that old t (even when we were meeting face to face) never even got near me. Maybe I'm looking back with rose colored glasses. I'm sure when we started out things weren't as smooth as they became. I can be patient.

[Chopin99]

The late thing is huge because it is completely unprofessional. Only receiving a half-hour when due a whole hour is inexcusable to me. T has to understand she is dealing with a fellow professional who has a tight schedule of her own.

The hug thing is not as big a deal to me, but I hope she asked permission first. The "I like you" thing this early on in the relationship is a bit strange to me. My T told me she loved me, but said it at a very appropriate time about 6 months into therapy.

The lateness would probably send me running to find a new T. I pay for an hour; I expect an hour. T and I naturally finished about 8 minutes early last session and she got up from her chair, but I kept right on talking so she sat back down and we conversed. She stood back up at the top of the hour. That was great because I deserve my full hour!

[carla.cdt]

print your post and bring it with you at your next session, see what come up from the discussion. Decide after that.

[unaluna]

ask her point blank if you should consider yr appt time to be 15 or 30 minutes later. I wonder if she is trying to make up for being late by hugging - weird! hostile, actually.

[Dreamy01]

I think it would be a good idea to discuss your worries with this new T. If she's worth her salt she will address your concerns and help you decide what is best for you without becoming defensive. The lateness really isn't fair - you are persumably paying for an hour so to only give you half an hour is just unprofessional and potentially damaging. I find it really upsetting how some therapists seem unaware of the message they could be giving someone who might have emotional issues linked to trust etc and just the whole impact of not being there at the agreed time. Grrr. The hugging seems blatantly wrong to me although she may well have good intentions. It doesn't seem ethical to hug you so early into therapy and particularly without being clear whether you want one or how you feel about it. It seems to be more about her needs than it does about yours, which worries me. I wonder if she is trying to meet her own needs in some way. I don't know, but something is off.

When I first started seeing my current T I knew I had found a good therapist when she talked with me about my grief surrounding my former t (who I had ended with some weeks earlier) and told me that if I felt I wanted to return to my former t I didn't have to make that decision alone, I could discuss the issues around it with her her first if I wanted to. She was clear that she wanted me to make the right decision for myself and it would not impact on her should I decide she was not the right therapist for me.

Any ethical t will not become defensive or put blame on you should you decide her methods are not for you. I feel that it would be good if you can talk about your concerns with her rather than make this decision alone. Her reaction to your concerns may well help you reach a decision.

Thanks for your support, you guys. I feel much less like an overly sensitive whiner. Hopefully the schedule will fix itself. I was trying to be understanding about it because she recently lost her secretary and for the first 2 sessions was trying to do all that herself- clearly not her area of strength- and yesterday finally had a new secretary. I'll give her one more time and if she's that late again, I'll bring it up.

Old t didn't have a secretary at all.