[shoez]

I keep thinking my T is tricking me with some psychological tricks or something...
or that she thinks Im lying..and is asking me questions to break me and find out im evil underneath or bad....and say AHAH! LIAR I CAUGHT YOU!.

and this fear perpetuates all day, even when Im not in her office..
Even when I am just gone. I get there and fall silent because of this paranoia

It sounds really difficult for you, to be having these thoughts. Is there anything in particular that she says that leads you to these thoughts? Anything in her tone of voice, or mode of expression? I really don't think that therapists are the kind of people who would want to trick their clients, and I'm sure that you're not in the least evil... but the feeling comes from somewhere, so I'm wondering if it's some involuntary thing she does that triggers the feeling in you.

[shoez]

I just know growing up....I thought my parents could read my mind because they would tell me they knew I did something wrong and I would get hurt..
and even when I did nothing They would soon inform me of how I lied/did this or that..and they caught me this time..

and also in school in psychology class we were studying stuff and these psychologists tricked these people into believing they were doing one thing..so they can test another thing...and I keep thinking my T is doing this...she is tricking me and since I was always told I was bad maybe I have this badness I dont know about that shes interrogating and willl find and then she will hate me and I will be alone. And then eveyrbody will know how horrible I am deep inside and then I just I keep thinknig eerything is a trap..its something shes "testing " in my brain to find out my horribleness and how much of a liar deceiver idiot I am or something...

I just dont know anymore

I just wish I could turn into a superhero and fly away. I dont wana be here no more

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by shoez

I just know growing up....I thought my parents could read my mind because they would tell me they knew I did something wrong and I would get hurt..
and even when I did nothing They would soon inform me of how I lied/did this or that..and they caught me this time..

and also in school in psychology class we were studying stuff and these psychologists tricked these people into believing they were doing one thing..so they can test another thing...and I keep thinking my T is doing this...she is tricking me and since I was always told I was bad maybe I have this badness I dont know about that shes interrogating and willl find and then she will hate me and I will be alone. And then eveyrbody will know how horrible I am deep inside and then I just I keep thinknig eerything is a trap..its something shes "testing " in my brain to find out my horribleness and how much of a liar deceiver idiot I am or something...

I just dont know anymore

I just wish I could turn into a superhero and fly away. I dont wana be here no more

I know the superhero feeling except I wanted to be a luna moth.

One question... what would it take from your therapist to help you stop feeling this way?

Originally Posted by shoez

and also in school in psychology class we were studying stuff and these psychologists tricked these people into believing they were doing one thing..so they can test another thing...

I don't know if this helps, but the psychologists who do that sort of testing are doing research, they are not treating patients. I don't think a therapist who's involved in treating a client would ever perform experiments on that client (unless the client knew and agreed, and it had to do with the therapeutic process) - that would be incredibly unecthical.

Originally Posted by shoez

I just wish I could turn into a superhero and fly away. I dont wana be here no more

I can relate to this.

[Sannah]

Shoez, I think that this has more to do with your parents then with your T. It sounds like you are having transference and are projecting your past onto your present. This would be a really good thing to talk to your T about so that you 2 can sort through this and work through it. Your past has shaped you significantly and the only way to shake this past molding is to discuss it with your T so that you can see that the present is different.

[and_im_still_here]

Maybe your just worried to much i dont think you are a bad person and Ts are there to help maybe try asking her/he to stop whats triggering these thoughts

Im sort of a superhero too! I fight crime and save the day! I try my best dont have the cape to fly but i try my best!
to you