[WikidPissah]

With all the disclosure talk going on I wanted to ask a question.
How much disclosure is too much? I am not talking googling and finding out info...I am talking about things T discloses in the T room. My T has disclosed quite a bit, and after reading a few posted articles I wonder if it is too much. In 2 years I know the following:
XXXXXX (sorry I blotted out all the crap I know because I felt guilty "telling" on him)

[Chopin99]

The important question is this:

Does the information your T discloses help you or harm you?

My T discloses quite a bit also. However, I have found it helpful because I need to know I'm talking to a human being. In fact, sharing about her cancer battle was integral in helping me open up. If I ever feel that she is being self-serving or what she tells me bothers me, I would tell her to stop.

[Perna]

I think it depends on how the disclosure comes up; if it is relevant to what is being discussed, your issues, it can be helpful or forgotten, whichever you decide. I've had T disclose odd little details, of no consequence but they were disclosed when we were talking about a similar odd little detail of no consequence of mine (so, she in essence identified with me or gave me a way, allowed me, to identify with her). Some disclosures have been pleasant, others helpful in understanding why she did/did not do/say something that bothered me.

[WikidPissah]

some of the stuff has made me think "badly" of him...of his parenting style etc. Sometime he has a negative air when speaking of his wife, the things I know about her aren't horrible, but they aren't good.

Maybe I am just weaving together crap I don't like to make a decision to take a break from T.

[critterlady]

The T I dumped talked as much about her life as she did about mine. By the end of the first session, I knew how long she'd been in therapy with her therapist, what her relationship was like with her father, that she struggled with her weight and where she'd lived.

In the 3rd session, I told her that my cat died. She asked me if I was there when they euthanized her and then proceeded to spend the next 5 minutes telling me how she couldn't be there when her dog was put to sleep, how she made her husband do it and how she felt about it all. That was the straw that broke the camel's back and I didn't go back.

[BlessedRhiannon]

I think that what is "too much" depends on what a client needs to feel a connection to the therapist, what a therapist is comfortable revealing, and how helpful it is in a client's treatment.

For example, if a therapist reveals stuff that damages the relationship, then it was probably too much, or inappropriate.

If a client needs to know a little about a therapist (relationship status, whether or not they have kids, some information about their interests) then that's not too much.

My T has not disclosed very much about herself, and when she has, it's either because I've directly asked something, or because she thought it would be helpful in illustrating a point. She's never not answered when I've directly asked something, but she will sometimes give vague answers. She's freely offered that she's married, has one son, a dog, and lives in the same suburb I do. I've picked up other things about her just based on conversations we've had. When I asked which winter holidays she celebrated (so I could wish her a pleasant one), she told me her religion. When I asked where she went on vacation, she shared that with me. It's always been small talk kind of stuff, though. The only time she's disclosed something personal without me asking was in the context of illustrating how screwed up my FOO is...she briefly mentioned something about how she relates to her son vs what I grew up with. I took it in and told her to tell her son he's very lucky to have her for a Mom, and then we moved on.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

some of the stuff has made me think "badly" of him...of his parenting style etc. Sometime he has a negative air when speaking of his wife, the things I know about her aren't horrible, but they aren't good.

I'm trying to imagine why he would tell you about how he parents or why he would mention his wife? (Trying to imagine how this would be helpful to you). This is your time. He needs to get his own therapist.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

How much disclosure is too much?

I think the answer is going to vary depending on the client. Some clients really want to know nothing about their T; for them, it might not be good to hear too much. They seem to really need that separateness. Other clients have Ts who self disclose a lot and it seems to work for them--helps draw them closer, learn from the T's modeling how to deal with things through his sharing his own experiences. Self disclosure can help aid in a feeling of reciprocity for some clients. For others, it can make them feel like they know "too much" and like it is not their business or role to hear about the T, like time is being diverted from their own troubles, or that they are being asked to take care of their T.

WP, it sounds like you are feeling like your T has disclosed too much, and that it has not been completely helpful. To me, that says that your T has indeed been disclosing too much for you. Is that irreparable damage? Can you talk to him about how you feel? Do you think he would be willing to dial back his disclosures if he knew they were affecting you negatively?

My T disclosed something once that really affected me strongly, and I did not even know it for a long time. When I finally realized it, we processed it together and he had to do some repair work. I explored why his disclosure had that effect on me, and he got to correct some misaprensions I had about what he had said. That experience was a good one. There has been something else he has disclosed that I kind of wish he hadn't. But that hasn't effected things between us. We can't always get exactly what we want, and most of the time, my T is right on target. I wouldn't want to throw his self disclosure out completely for a blip here and there. That is just me, though.

[nicoleflynn]

Since we are having a personal relationship, it has shifted into a friendship kind...with him still holding some....boundaries, etc....

I know a lot about him over the past 7 years.....he doesn't say anything negative about the wife or rarely mentions her. I know about his kids, grandkids, father, mother.,....just a little.

I am so sensitive to his nuances, and could tell he wasn't quite himself (just ever so slightly "off") that he ended up admitting he might have cancer (near his eye); I did research on his condition and he had the surgery with a patch (sexy)......same thing happened when his dad died; I asked him what was going on and he said he would tell me if I wanted him to; we are so attuned to each other; which would be natural after all of this time......

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

Maybe I am just weaving together crap I don't like to make a decision to take a break from T.

This is kinda what skysblue is doing in her rupture thread? We judge T and say they're not good enough, I'm outa here! Well, that's what I would do, anyway, with T's and other r/s. Cos that's how my FOO treated me - our way or the highway. That's how my childhood religion was. A break is simply a thing to be negotiated, or to take, period. Whether your T is Freud or King Kong.