[Ria_13]

I'm really sorry if this is in the wrong area, please feel free to move it to where it belongs.

This is kind of a long story, but please bear with me. My best friend and I both have eating disorders. We also both have the same doctor, and our doctor recommended the same psychologist to both of us. I made an appointment with this psychologist, and then my best friend, "Amy," we'll call her, said she'd make an appointment with this psychologist too if I liked her. I didn't, and so I never made another appointment and Amy didn't make one at all. Then I found my current T, who I've seen 8 times now, and right after I called to make my first appointment with my T, I texted Amy to tell her, since she is my best friend. A few minutes after that, she texted back and said she had just made an appointment with another T at the same office. That didn't bother me AT ALL. Amy saw her T, but her T doesn't work with eating disorder patients, so she referred Amy to my T. However, Amy didn't make another appointment right away with my T because 1, she couldn't because both of these Ts are out of network for her insurance and therefore has to meet a $600 deductible before they'll start paying 35%, and she didn't have the money to pay for that first session with her T, and so couldn't schedule another appointment, and also because 2, she told me she wanted to know if I liked her before she made an appointment. So then I saw my T, and discovered that we "clicked" almost instantly, and so I told Amy that yes, I did like her. So then Amy scheduled an appointment with my T, but then ended up having to cancel because she didn't have the money to pay for that appointment at the time (sessions are $150). Then she never rescheduled until she got a letter from the counseling center saying she needed to make another appointment within the next few days or her case would be dropped, so she made another appointment, which is coming up next week. One of my issues is that I feel like she uses me to test people out, and I don't like that. Another issue now is that, if Amy sees my T, I'm afraid it will be a conflict of interest because my T and I talk about Amy because she's a big part of some of my problems. Is it wrong of me to feel this way? I don't want to seem selfish, but there are other Ts out there - even ones IN her insurance network that specialize in eating disorders - so why does she have to see mine? Does this make me a bad person? Any input would really be appreciated.

[unaluna]

totally does NOT make you a bad person! ethics would even require that the T not take your friend on as a client. let your T know, let your friend know (kindly!). this is your therapy, she will find her own way. best of luck.

[critterlady]

I wouldn't be comfortable knowing a good friend was seeing the same therapist. Talk to your T about it.

[WikidPissah]

I wouldn't feel comfortable with that either...please tell your T how you feel.

[ColourBars]

Yeah, people who know each other shouldn't have the same T.... you know? It's that awkward, thing going on? What does the other person say to my T? How does it affect my session and how the T will to respond to me kinda mojo.

[Dreamy01]

I would really struggle with it and have dealt with similar issues in the past with a different t. A lot of ts won't see close friends because of the confidentiality issues as much as anything. I hope you can talk to your psych about this.

[Ria_13]

Yeah, my T doesn't know that my friend is coming to see her (at least not to my knowledge) and so I definitely plan on bringing this up in my next appointment with my T on Thursday. Thank you everyone, I was just really afraid that I'd sound like a rude or selfish person to my T.

talk to t, talk to your friend.
it can totally suck!

My ex best friend and i used to both see my ex t. It did make things hard for all of us. Made things more complicated. We were both jealous of each other, jealous over t's time, etc. t had to forbid us from talking to each other about therapy. All of it ended badly.

[Ria_13]

I'm really sorry it turned out badly, Sarah. I'm hoping to avoid this with my friend. But she can be pretty fragile, and I feel like she thinks she has a right to see this T over me, does anyone have any idea about how to broach this topic with my friend?

[Mike_J]

Well for reasons that are vastly different than the issue you have with “Amy” I read the entire code of ethics for Therapists in the state of Wisconsin. I’m sure that most states have a very similar code of ethics, and one of them was that a therapist can’t see someone if that person has a “relationship” (such as being close friends) with one of their current patients. The rule seems to make a lot of sense, you wouldn’t want “Amy’s” therapy effected by what you have told your therapist about her, or you really don’t want your therapist to view you through “Amy’s” eyes during one of your sessions.

Bottom line I would ask your therapist about what the rules are and say you are not really comfortable with this situation.

[Amazonmom]

Doesn't make you a bad person. My good friend and I do happen to share a psych NP....but she does therapy with the np and i just get my meds. No real conflicts going on there.

When I found out that my T was also treating a coworker of mine I felt slightly violated, but it ended up ok. She and I ended up becoming better friends because of the situation. Her daughter had been killed in a ski accident and I had gotten bipolar at the exact same time. If it was my best friend I don't think I would want to share a T. I talk about my difficulties getting and keeping friendships in T and having my best friend doing the same thing would be too much for the T to manage properly in my opinion.

My t agrees. She has turned down clients who turned out to be the parents of patients I take care of at the hospital, way too many issues going on there. She finds alternative Ts for the families she doesnt treat though.

[Ria_13]

I talked about this with my T today, and she said she didn't know that my best friend had made an appointment with her, and so she said that it's a conflict of interest, and would be referring her to someone else. Thank you guys for being supportive so I could bring this up! I'm SO happy I did!

[Wren_]

that's great you were able to share with your T about your concerns and got support from her; really sounds like your T is taking care of you and no way are your feelings wrong with this

[skysblue]

I had once raved about my T to a friend and initially wanted my friend to have the same benefit I have with my T. Then thinking about it later I realized that I did not want to share my T. I did not want to hear how my T did therapy with my friend. And although I gave the T's name to friend I then talked to my T about it. She told me she doesn't see friends of clients and she took down my friend's name just in case she called in order to tell her that she wasn't available.

Since then my friend has expressed no more interest in therapy with my T but if she does I will tell her upfront that my T does not see friends of each other and I will also share with her my own thoughts/feelings about it.

My best friend sees my T at my recommendation. She and I talked about the hazards of sharing, and he and I talked about the hazards of him seeing her. He met with her, and then discussed it with me again because accepting her as a client. I really felt completely comfortable with him seeing her, although we did discuss what would happen in the event she and I had a conflict that one of us brought to therapy. How that would look, how it would feel, what he would do.

However, when it came to my sister wanting to see my T, I freaked out a little. I really didn't want that to happen. He and I talked about it and he referred her to someone else.

It's really good that your T was responsive to your needs!

[Ria_13]

She was responsive...but my best friend just found out, and now she's really mad says she doesn't think she's even gOing to continue with therapy. So now it's my fault that she's not getting help. Great.

If it was your therapist's decision, your friend has no reason to be angry at you! And it's not your fault! It was your therapist's decision, not yours.