For The First Time I Felt Good in Therapy...Until

Hmmm...maybe you were.

My sisters used to say I was the favorite. Maybe I was because I learned not to say anything, make any noise and do EVERYTHING I was told to do, no questions asked.

For me I think my reaction is more that my parents did not spend anytime with me. Their addictions were more important than their children. Consequently I have never experienced what it is like to be loved. Or rather my experience of what love is is messed up. So I guess this is the painful beginning of the untangling.

The problem with some of my feelings and behaviors are because my thoughts are often too black or white. I don't think I am the jealous "type" but jealousy is a feeling and I may not get that feeling because I only think of myself, don't have room in my thoughts for others; don't consider them in that light! I'm as likely to see another client of my T's and feel sorry for them, that they can't possibly have what my T and I have

Our feelings always come from our thoughts and our thoughts come from our perceptions. "I see a dog" might be a thought but also, "I see a dog and it is going to bite me" might be a thought. I don't believe in strict cause and effect of our thoughts but it is possible for us to respond to our impression that "it is going to bite me" in such a way that the dog responds by biting us. Not cause and effect exactly; if we know we have trouble being around dogs we might work to become more comfortable around them and then the "it is going to bite me" might not be as strong a perception; what is the difference between "it is going to bite me" and "it might bite me"? A whole world!

But, that's just my black-and-white thinking; there's a whole universe out there that thinks, "I see a dog. . .I see a squirrel. . . I see a Robin. . .look at that guy painting his house; what an interesting color he chose. . ." the person house painting catching their attention, not the dog. It is and is not all about us; that's what I wanted therapy for, to get a better balance on that. I want to be interested in the person painting the house more often than the dog and what it is doing.

Transference just happens. There's not much you can do to stop it or change its direction.

Awareness!

Awareness can help us to reduce the misunderstandings, perhaps.
But in my case, awareness has not reduced the feelings.

Because your work isn't done yet.

I guess not.

Are you saying that when the work is done I won't get transference?
I used to think that too, but now I think transference is part of the human condition.

Transference occurs because of raw, stored emotions that haven't been dealt with yet. Clean them out and you will be able to truly live in today without the past interfering. I used to get triggered and project my past onto today but now I really experience today as it is.