[CantExplain]

Hi guys!

I'm not thinking very structured right now.

I took my teddy bear to see T. She was pleased to meet him.

We talked about how I see myself as a teddy bear but sometimes I can be a bear for real: a fearsome predator. I told her I didn't mean to be as critical and aggressive as she seemed to hear me. But if that's how I look to her (a good and intelligent woman who is doing her best to understand me), how must I seem to the world at large?

I cried when we talked about how T and I still have misunderstandings. Transference is a double-edged sword. I hoped that my good relationship with T would help me with Mum, but of course it cuts both ways. My bad relationship with Mum leaks back onto T. T says there is nothing we can do about it. Transference exists, and that's that.

I said I felt abandoned and panicky whenever I thought about the fact that seeing her twice a week is unsustainable. I saved up some money during her break and I'm spending it now. But sooner rather than later it must come to an end.

She said, and I swear I'm not making this up:

T: As long as we are having good sex now, why worry about the future?
Me: Is that how you've always lived your life?
Frankly, I doubt it.

Me: Come away with me!
T: Where?
Me: Back to my house. You could stay in the spare room.
T: And cook for you?
Me: Um, no. I hadn't actually planned for you to do any cooking.

Strange. I've always seen her primarily as a mother figure, but once I'd imagined her living in my house, the fantasy took a decidedly sexual turn.

It's very easy for me to make her my mother. After all, the position is vacant and it wouldn't affect anyone else. There's no guilt or loyalty issues there.

Deep down, I would like to make her my lover, but I don't allow myself to think like that.

[Fixated]

Wow. You are taking so many risks with your T. It really is admirable. I hope you continue to feel safe and connected enough to do so.

If I can ask, how did your T know what the Teddy bear meant? Did you spell it out to her or did she just get it from previous talk of you wanting to be a bear?

I only ask because I am having a dilemma lately that I think affects T and probably all my relationships. I tend to do/say things that I think are very deep/filled with underlying meaning/metaphorical, but people don't seem to get it or reciprocate (from what I can tell). It is very disheartening.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Fixated

If I can ask, how did your T know what the Teddy bear meant? Did you spell it out to her or did she just get it from previous talk of you wanting to be a bear?

She said I was like a teddy bear and I made the fearsome predator connection.

W says I have a very severe and intimidating expression when I'm thinking, as if I am thinking violent thoughts. And in a way I am. I regard understanding as my birthright, and anything that stands between me and understanding is an opponent to be crushed. So I think hard and give no quarter!

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Fixated

I tend to do/say things that I think are very deep/filled with underlying meaning/metaphorical, but people don't seem to get it or reciprocate (from what I can tell). It is very disheartening.

I had that with my prev t/pdoc. since I complained about it to current t, he now sees that everything I say in session has a reason, and it's up to him to make the connections. hey I ain't just whistlin' dixie here!

[granite1]

i bring a stuffed kitty to T every week. it helps me to stay calm and gives my hands something to do ,and also helps me stay present. i have been thinking of bringing a teddy my son made at build a bear for me with a marine uniform on it is cute

[missbelle]

This passage from your post concerns me........a lot........

She said, and I swear I'm not making this up:

T: As long as we are having good sex now, why worry about the future?
Me: Is that how you've always lived your life?
Frankly, I doubt it.

Me: Come away with me!
T: Where?
Me: Back to my house. You could stay in the spare room.
T: And cook for you?
Me: Um, no. I hadn't actually planned for you to do any cooking.

Is this your fantasy or something T said.....

[WikidPissah]

I don't know how to say this....I sure as hell don't want to offend....but I find the image of a grown man bringing a teddy to T a bit odd. Mind you I find it odd for any adult to carry around a stuffie. Maybe I should try it and see what it's all about?

I sleep with a couple of stuffies - not from childhood, fairly recent acquisitions. It comforts me. I'm alone and I like the company at night. They don't judge me. Sorry if you see this as ridiculous, but I enjoy it. As hankster said in another thread,

chacun a son gout

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by missbelle

This passage from your post concerns me........a lot........
She said, and I swear I'm not making this up:

T: As long as we are having good sex now, why worry about the future?
Me: Is that how you've always lived your life?

Me: Come away with me!
T: Where?
Me: Back to my house. You could stay in the spare room.
T: And cook for you?
Me: Um, no. I hadn't actually planned for you to do any cooking.
Is this your fantasy or something T said.....

This is actual dialog, but in fantasy mode. We were just playing.

[WikidPissah]

Originally Posted by TheBunnyWithin

I sleep with a couple of stuffies - not from childhood, fairly recent acquisitions. It comforts me. I'm alone and I like the company at night. They don't judge me. Sorry if you see this as ridiculous, but I enjoy it. As hankster said in another thread,

chacun a son gout

no no no...not ridiculous. just odd. I never judge, I just don't understand. I snuggle with my dog every night...so I do get the whole cuddling thing. I just haven't had a stuffie since I was a child, and haven't thought about one.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

I don't know how to say this....I sure as hell don't want to offend....but I find the image of a grown man bringing a teddy to T a bit odd. Mind you I find it odd for any adult to carry around a stuffie. Maybe I should try it and see what it's all about?

A great thing about therapy is that I don't have to be a grown man all the time.

[Snuffleupagus]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

no no no...not ridiculous. just odd.

Certainly no odder than CE bringing a butt plug to therapy. Then again I don't know his Teddy. Maybe CE's Teddy has his own little fuzzy kinks.

[WikidPissah]

oh yea....I forgot about the butt plug. CE I need some of your assertiveness.

[linda24]

Once I brought my teddy bear to T too, I wanted her to see him. I have named him and his name is very similar to my T's surname. I sleep with him and when I feel extremely low I walk around my apartment holding him. It's my transitional/comfort object. It may seem ridiculous, but it helps somehow, especially when I miss my T. And she understands what this teddy bear means to me. I feel like a baby in therapy and I think thats-why I need some comfort object.

[unaluna]

Well grrrls there's a new man in town and HE wants to "have it all" too! He can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan. Maybe even clean up afterwards. My T sits there all session cuddling a baby doll against his bulging bicep - uh-oh, here comes that stupid

[WikidPissah]

Originally Posted by hankster

My T sits there all session cuddling a baby doll against his bulging bicep - uh-oh, here comes that stupid

seriously??? wow. I am so out of touch with manliness these days.

[lostmyway21]

So this post made me decide to get a new T bear. I am always trying to fidget with something in my hands during session. I've decided on this: Where the Wild Thing's Are

Any one familiar with the story knows Carol represented all of Max's personal struggles. He was pretty misunderstood. I think he is perfect for a T bear.